Capricorn Caves — Attraction in The Caves

"Bats, Echoes, and Existential Dread – 5 Stars, Would Scream Again"

Let me preface this by saying: I did not intend to be reborn in a damp hole in the Earth's crust, but life has a way of shoving you headfirst into the stalactite-lined esophagus of the abyss. And baby, this cave tour delivered.

From the moment our guide “Byron”—a man who swaggered out of the shadows like he'd just challenged the cave to a drinking contest and won—said “Watch your head,” I knew I was in for something deeply disorienting. He wore a headlamp like a crown and narrated the descent with the flair of someone who had perhaps licked every mineral for identification. Byron didn’t guide the tour so much as chaotically shepherd us, like a pirate captain steering a ship made of limestone and poor decisions. Was he licensed? Emotionally? Spiritually? Unclear.

The air smelled like ancient secrets and damp regret. The walls? Moist. Sentient, perhaps. I’m not saying they whispered my name, but I am saying I now owe something to the stone gods and can’t sleep near limestone.

There were bats. Oh, there were bats. One winked at me and I think I’m married now. Also, fun fact: the difference between stalactites and stalagmites is irrelevant when you're weeping on the cavern floor after slipping on guano and questioning your life choices. Byron offered no help, only shouted “Nature claims another!” and saluted.

Midway through the tour, Byron turned off all the lights and said, “This is total darkness,” as if he’d invented it. But it was more than that—it was the void. I saw my past lives. I met a version of myself who never downloaded Duolingo and is now spiritually free.

They said the cave had a “natural echo,” but I believe it was arguing with me. Every time I yelled “WHY AM I HERE?” it answered “YOU PAID FORTY DOLLARS.” Byron agreed, nodding solemnly while feeding a bat he called “Flapjack”

In conclusion, if you’re looking to confront the eternal, contemplate your life’s poor decisions while crawling through a crevice called the “Womb of Rebirth” (actual name?), this is the tour for you. Bring courage. Bring regrets. Leave your sanity at the gift shop.

Five stars. Would spelunk my...

Capricorn Caves – A Aboveground Adventure

Blown away by this place! Capricorn Caves is one of Australia’s largest privately owned cave systems, and you can feel that old-school explorer vibe the second you arrive. Norwegian fella John Olsen discovered it back in 1881, and it’s been drawing curious crowds since 1884 – which tells you something, right?

The Good Stuff: Tours are mint value. The guides know their stuff, though fair warning – they’ve got a dramatic flair (think theatre production vibes). Not my personal cup of tea, but the kids’ll probably eat it up! History buffs take note: There’s no recorded evidence of First Nations peoples using these caves, which adds to the mystery. Shop prices are a win. Grabbed a few trinkets that felt surprisingly decent for the cost – rare these days!

Pro Tips: Mozzie spray = essential. The rainforest critters are… enthusiastic. Family-friendly gold. Already planning to bring my own ankle-biters back – they’d lose their minds over the stalactites.

Just Being Honest: The staff’s enthusiasm toes the line between “fun” and “theme park host” sometimes (might just be my 20 years in customer service talking – I’ve got a sixth sense for scripted charm!). But hey, most folks seemed to love the energy, so don’t let this old cynic put you off.

All in all? A ripper day out. Cheers to the team for keeping this slice of...

The caves are very intriguing, but the tour fell short.

The fact that most of the tour was about safety makes me think they had a recent lawsuit about safety, an accident, or something similar. If not, I can't think of any other good reason for it.

Although our guide was generally pleasant, there were some awkward moments when he hushed a toddler or pushed my family aside while we were trying to read the information signs at the end.

Every few metres, we stopped to discuss possible risks and hazards, which wasn't different from any other simple cave walk. The only aspect he neglected to mention was the importance of reminding everyone to breathe to prevent any instances of fainting. It was exhausting.

A fascinating underground exploration turned into a terrifying impending doom due to the constant warnings. The indigenous Darumbal people and their rich history and culture were almost completely absent, as was other background information that could be told.

It was too weird and loud to hear the music in the cave. The peacefulness of sitting in complete darkness was ruined by the deafening noise of the loud music, with frequent...