Mykonos — Attraction in Municipality of Mykonos

Mykonos: Where Dignity Comes to Die and a Beer Costs More Than My Council Tax

Let me start by saying I didn’t want to come here. I was perfectly happy with the usual fortnight in Tenerife, but my friends said Mykonos was “so vibey” and convinced us it was “the new St Ives but with yachts and abs.”

What she failed to mention was that the entire island is now a giant human disco ball populated exclusively by shirtless millionaires, sunburnt Australians, and people who treat dinner as a photo shoot.

The moment we stepped off the ferry, I knew we’d made a grave mistake. There were people in mesh tops, people with drones, people who looked like they hadn’t eaten solid food since 2017 but still somehow afford €24 cocktails served in hollowed-out pineapples!

Tried to walk along the beach. Couldn't. Every few steps, we were stopped by someone taking an "effortless" photo while teetering on one leg with a giant hat and a face like they’d just solved world peace. One bloke in gold shorts asked me to move because my shadow was "ruining the aesthetic."

Now, the prices. OH, THE PRICES. Ordered two beers, a Diet Coke and a plate of what turned out to be six olives and a mood. €78. I laughed. I thought it was a joke. The waiter did not laugh. The olives weren’t even pitted.

Dinner was worse. Sat next to a group of American influencers saying things like “I just feel so aligned here” while playing footsie with a man called Luca who appeared to have no job and a personal photographer. We ordered moussaka. It arrived on a tile, deconstructed, with foam. FOAM. I don’t want to eat something that looks like it escaped from a cappuccino.

Tried to go sightseeing, but the only real attraction seems to be the concept of being seen. I asked about the famous windmills—was told they’re "overdone" and "a bit basic now." I’m sorry, what’s basic is your £400 handbag and chronic vitamin D deficiency, not 16th-century architecture.

Also, there’s nowhere to sit. No benches. Just bean bags, daybeds, or “VIP lounges” where you pay €300 to sweat on a mattress while someone sprays you with prosecco and calls it “luxe.”

And don’t even try to swim. The beach is full of lithe people doing yoga for reels, bodybuilders comparing tans, and girls doing the “candid hair flip” so aggressively I thought one was having a seizure. Meanwhile, I’m wading into the sea like a damp uncle trying not to cry into my snorkel.

The only good thing? The airport. Because it means you can LEAVE.

2 stars: +1 for the sunset. +1 for the goat I saw on a hill that looked equally fed up.

Final word? If you enjoy EDM at brunch, paying €19 for a watermelon cube, and being photobombed by someone’s abs, then Mykonos is for you. If you’re looking for peace, culture, or trousers, go literally...

Mykonos is small arid desert island reminiscent of Aruba or Arizona desert. Very hilly with narrow roads, rock and mortar homes none higher than two stories. Prickly pear and succulent cacti. Short boundary walls made of granite stone ala Ireland. Local codes prohibit removing any edifice regardless of condition. New construction can be built around the existing structure. Buildings must be painted white with azure wooden doors/windows or be unpainted granite rock.

The dock was clean and modern but accommodates just one large Liner. No sign of commercial fishing fleets. No imposing fortifications, commerce, infrastructure, govt buildings or monuments. No appearance of business investment possibilities and no marketing bill boards. Local economy is run by small family businesses. One small go kart track. Literature on Mykonos reports a vibrant night life catering to LGB during tourist season, May to October.

Retail shops are sparse with small selections of generic trinkets. Grocery stores are tiny with parking lots that may hold 10 cars. Shop keepers look worn and haggard and not particularly happy or friendly. They seem to eke by, and need us to move on so the next bus can bring some possibility of sustenance. On the up side cell reception is generally good.

One small sandy beach and blue water where three locals are wading, otherwise no sights. Small pockets of wealthy enclaves otherwise modest homes generously sprinkled with abandoned and collapsing homes and hotels. Many tiny chapels, maybe 10’x15’ most in disrepair and also abandoned. Fairly clean, nothing threatening and no street peddlers or beggars along the path the cruise tour bus ran.

Lillia was a good guide, knowledgeable and a local. She tried to spice up the bus by playing music from Zorba the Greek which the oldsters seemed to find fun. Almost no history provided other than Greek, Roman and Venetian conquests, none of which stuck around or developed culture....

It is really a nice place, I have to confess. Especially the water quality, I want to highlight. We really enjoyed our stay there.

However, there a certain things which u should consider travelling there.

In general, it is a posh place with many American tourists and less Greek people which prefer usually other island. It is also quite expansive, I would say, even if u do not travel in the main season.

It is a quite hilly island and the public transportation services infrastructure is not perfect. Therefore, I would recommend u rent a car / quad / scooter. There are not so many Ubers and Taxis available.

When you rent a car you should also consider valet parking which incur additional fees.

Also when you visit a restaurant, u should also ask how starters are billed, because some restaurants charge starter per person instead of per portion. Also please check always your bill, we had a couple of times double counts on our bills. However, the staff is really child-friendly. I have never seen this to this extent.

The beaches are amazing. I loved Ornos, Elia and Karlo Livadi beach. Sun beds & service can be expansive at certain beaches (e.g. Paraga and Psarou beach) and it also depends if you are there during main season or not. Always ask in upfront about the charges.

Interesting to know is that if u pay in cash, certain restaurants / shop owners will offer u a discount. Therefore, if u like to pay in cash, u should try to bargain (this tip was also written on one...