Wellness Resort ELYSIUM — Attraction in Lansingerland

OK, this ain't going to be a story of fireworks and violins. But most of it is sensitive to taste, so don't worry too much about it, it is a spa afterall 😉 As a frequent sauna visitor with a lot of time on my hands, I visit various spas throughout the country. So I came to you yesterday because of a good offer. Elysium was never really on my shortlist so this was my first visit.

First the kudos, the rest areas made me happy. The beds look a bit mediocre, but are fine. The hammocks and hanging chairs near the water are pretty and a great place to chill out! Cushions need some TLC though because they look a bit dingy. Several nice large saunas where you can choose whether you want additional stimuli (such as music or light) or not. I don't really enjoy that and notice that music often makes me flee earlier than I would like. Fortunately there are plenty of options for that! There is a sufficient offer in scented saunas and those I appreciated v-much!

There are some things that make me not want to come back. First of all the restaurant. 4.75 for a (seriously!) 3 cubic cm brownie is way too much guys. The choice on the menu is quite limited. Especially when you tend to eat vegetarian. There are no dairy-free options available in coffee. That is a big shortcoming for a wellness resort and, as far as I am concerned, not of our time. Revise your pricing and focus your menu more on the now.

I really found a flood of communication on site, "Don't miss our rituals and infusions!" "This part only opens at 1:00 PM" (which was btw not the case, when I wanted to enter it was still closed. When you choose to work with time slots in a spa, stick to it) "Don't forget to rub!" "There will be a new sauna here!" "No swimming here!" "No smoking there!" Everything is well-intentioned, but I'll visit a spa to get as little of that in as possible. Moreover, you may wonder whether it is necessary to ban telephones on the terrace when you already do so throughout your entire resort. But unfortunately there will be a reason for that. Just ask yourself if you want to do a shoutout on every inch. The routing is not really my thing. Especially indoors, I was often lost, while my navigation skills are generally on fleek.

Some things need attention. For example, several waterfalls mainly serve the wall and plastic plants are just not my taste. Not even (or maybe especially not) on the wall... I can appreciate decoration, but why you created a look through at the container area, or whatever it is, from the saltwater pool is a mystery to me. Floor tiles there are very slippery. Consider replacement. There is no music in the panoramic sauna, but there is plenty of "white noise" from (I guess) whirlpool pumps.

I prefer a slightly more spacious resort with a little more space to really seek out the silence. I only found peace at times though I had a nice day. Slept well too. Good luck with the company and...

Quite disappointing stay. The rituals are just a bit rip off, do not get them. “Deep muscle relief” is actually laying for 50 minutes while one person puts cream on 5 other people in the room. The “snooze” ritual was supposed to be a hand and foot massage, which again didn’t happen. If the girls taking care of the ritual spent 4 minutes in total on you during the hour you are lucky. It’s completely different as opposed to the videos on the website. On top of that it was not hygienic! The girl walked and put one pomp of cream on all the people’s faces and feet… I hope I did not catch anything and will be on the lookout for acne now. The rituals also have a given time which you do not know until you arrive on the appointment day. Due to public transport issues we got there an hour late and lost one of the rituals. Wish we could’ve selected the time or at least be aware of it before arrival. There was not a big selection of food and no English on the menu (in a resort that takes pride in being cosmopolitan) and since having phones is forbidden even for the restaurant area I could not Google translate. The staff was not helpful in describing the food (they “didn’t know this word in English”). On top of that, besides reserving a dinner with non alcoholic drink, we were charged for orange juice! Apparently it is an alcoholic drink! The lady explained that it’s because the juice is more expensive drink compared to cola… we paid 200€ and can’t even get a free juice. This place is an overpriced joke. No one of course informed us which drinks are applicable for the dinner pack. One girl in a sauna burned her leg as there was no safety measures around the heat source. I personally slipped and have now a huge bruise on my leg as in one jacuzzi you could not see the stairs, so I fell down while going in. The saunas were pretty but some small so watch out for the injuries like the mentioned girl. Pools are different temperatures, some a bit too warm to stay in. I wish some were a bit bigger and safer. I will not...

Today I had the displeasure of visiting ELYSEUM Resort in Bleiswijk, and my experience was nothing short of a nightmare. From overcrowding to no parking spaces, this resort left me with a bitter taste and a resolve never to return.

Firstly, the resort was so overcrowded that it resembled the peak hour chaos of a dirty metro station, and to make matters worse, everyone seemed to be wandering around in the nude. It was not the tranquil and relaxing atmosphere I expected from a supposedly upscale resort.

Parking was a nightmare. Despite advertising ample parking, the reality was far from it. I spent more time circling the lot in search of a spot than I did enjoying any of the amenities. This added unnecessary stress to an already frustrating experience.

The cleanliness of the resort was severely lacking. The facilities were dirty, and it felt like the staff had given up on maintaining any semblance of hygiene. It was evident in every corner, from the common areas to the restrooms. I expected a premium experience for the money spent, but all I got was disappointment.

The restaurant experience was the worst part of the visit. The waiting line resembled a nightmare, and it seemed like the staff had no idea how to manage the situation. The chaos extended to the dining area, where the atmosphere was more reminiscent of a crowded, disorganized cafeteria than an upscale resort restaurant.

The staff's incompetence and lack of direction only added to the frustration. It was clear they were overwhelmed, and their inability to handle the crowd reflected poorly on the management. I found myself wondering if anyone on the staff had received proper training.

My visit to ELYSIUM Resort in Bleiswijk was a complete waste of time and money. The overcrowding, lack of parking, dirty facilities, chaotic restaurant experience, and incompetent staff make this resort a place to avoid. I have no intentions of returning, and I strongly advise others to reconsider before spending their...