Salt Lake City Cemetery

This is a really nice cemetery. I’ve been buried here for about 30 years now. When I first got here it was a bit cramped but you get used to it after a few years. I brought a lot of my valuables with me (my family thought I was crazy) but I’m glad I did because I literally sleep on my money every night, it’s very luxurious. I always thought tiny homes were kind of a joke but I like mine.

The soil is nice and moist, filled with lots of sub-terranean life. I get visitors every once in a while (usually worms and ants) and they don’t really bother you as long as all your flesh is gone. Mine rotted and shriveled off years ago so they pretty much leave me alone.

It’s VERY quiet (not like some other cemeteries I know) and most people keep to themselves. Every once in a while one of Satan’s angry spirits gets inside someone and gets out, but management is good about stopping them and putting them in the cremo.

Pets are allowed as long as they can fit in with you. There is no additional pet fee which is great. There’s is supposedly a real nice clubhouse close by but I haven’t had a chance to go there yet cause I’m kind of a homebody.

There’s not a lot of light, which for me is great because my eye balls have already rotted out so I can’t see much anyways. We’re really close to some major famous people, but I haven’t seen any of them around yet, most people here keep to themselves.

If I could make one small change, it would be less moaning at night. We have a lot of throat-moaners and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. I pretend it’s the wind and that really helps.

If you’re looking for a good place to die, this would be my recommendation.