Cuixmala — Hotel in Jalisco

The bottom line is that Cuixmala bills itself as one of the great||hotels of the world; the reality is that it's mediocre.||||In order to avoid wasting any more of my time, I will spare you||countless other points of mediocrity and focus briefly on the food.||Cuixmala is a destination resort and, therefore, one is pretty much||stuck eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at its several restaurants.||The food served at the beach (which is forty-five minutes away by car||and cost $100 to reach) includes some reasonably good tacos. Casa||Gomes, the restaurant up on the hill, also serves some reasonably good||Mexican food. (I am pointing out these bright spots mainly out of||respect for the staff at these venues who are certainly kind and well||intentioned people.)||||The food at the main restaurant, the shining jewel of the Cuixmala||constellation, however, doesn't change from night to night and is||genuinely bad. The Mexican options are low quality and uninspired, the||"fish of the day" doesn't change from day to day and isn't good, the||spaghetti bolognese (who wants to eat spaghetti bolognese in Jalisco?)||is also bad. The only positive aspect of dining at Cuixmala was the||running joke amongst the other hotel guests. The mystery of how dining||could be so bad at a resort like Cuixmala became a source of||solidarity and humor. (If you do decide to come here, I would take the||advice of one of our fellow guests, ignore the menu and request a||plain, grilled chicken breast and a whole avocado. Ask them to||actually light a grill to grill the chicken breast so that it doesn't||arrive pale and soggy.) Once again, it is important to point out that||the staff are all very nice; the giant gap between the promise and||reality of Cuixmala rests squarely on management, whomever that might||be, (its definifely not clear when you are on the premises.)||||One refrain we heard several times was that a stay at Cuixmala was||intended to resemble "a stay at a private home." The central flaw in||this line of reasoning is that when we stay at a friend's house (or||host friends at our house) we greet them with a cocktail before dinner||(there is no service at cocktail hour or cocktail menu at Cuixmala)||and enjoy good, high-quality food that changes from night to night. To||the extent that staying at Cuixmala is like staying at a private home,||it is like staying at a home whose owners abandoned it a few months||previousy and forgot to suggest that you bring your own food and||cocktail shaker.||||Oh... one other thing I will mention... the night we arrived, we were||told "there is going to be a concert." Gee that sounds nice. In fact,||this was a party for fifty or sixty of the owner's friends (I think?)||We emailed our Covid Vaccine and testing info in advance of arrival||but have no idea what was going on with this big indoor party of||unmasked revelers. The one thing I do know is that we had to search||around to find someone to get us drinks and had to wait two hours||while the party guests finished up before we were able to sit down for||dinner at close to 10pm. Drifting back to the "house guest" analogy,||it's like the home||owners who forgot to tell you that they wouldn't be home also forgot||to tell you that they had rented out the house for a new age music||festival during your stay.||||On a final note, the turtle sanctuary at Cuixmala is magical.||there is a way to arrange a visit without falling victim to hotel||guestdom?||||Why am I writing this? It is truly intended as a public service.||Consider carefully before booking a stay at Cuixmala. It is easy to||rent an airbnb in the area, hire a chef, cook for yourself, find||another resort or camp...

The bottom line is that Cuixmala bills itself as one of the great hotels of the world; the reality is that it's mediocre.

In order to avoid wasting any more of my time, I will spare you countless other points of mediocrity and focus briefly on the food. Cuixmala is a destination resort and, therefore, one is pretty much stuck eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at its several restaurants. The food served at the beach (which is forty-five minutes away by car and cost $100 to reach) includes some reasonably good tacos. Casa Gomes, the restaurant up on the hill, also serves some reasonably good Mexican food. (I am pointing out these bright spots mainly out of respect for the staff at these venues who are certainly kind and well intentioned people.)

The food at the main restaurant, the shining jewel of the Cuixmala constellation, however, doesn't change from night to night and is genuinely bad. The Mexican options are low quality and uninspired, the "fish of the day" doesn't change from day to day and isn't good, the spaghetti bolognese (who wants to eat spaghetti bolognese in Jalisco?) is also bad. The only positive aspect of dining at Cuixmala was the running joke amongst the other hotel guests. The mystery of how dining could be so bad at a resort like Cuixmala became a source of solidarity and humor. (If you do decide to come here, I would take the advice of one of our fellow guests, ignore the menu and request a plain, grilled chicken breast and a whole avocado. Ask them to actually light a grill to grill the chicken breast so that it doesn't arrive pale and soggy.) Once again, it is important to point out that the staff are all very nice; the giant gap between the promise and reality of Cuixmala rests squarely on management, whomever that might be, (its definifely not clear when you are on the premises.)

One refrain we heard several times was that a stay at Cuixmala was intended to resemble "a stay at a private home." The central flaw in this line of reasoning is that when we stay at a friend's house (or host friends at our house) we greet them with a cocktail before dinner (there is no service at cocktail hour or cocktail menu at Cuixmala) and enjoy good, high-quality food that changes from night to night. To the extent that staying at Cuixmala is like staying at a private home, it is like staying at a home whose owners abandoned it a few months previousy and forgot to suggest that you bring your own food and cocktail shaker.

Oh... one other thing I will mention... the night we arrived, we were told "there is going to be a concert." Gee that sounds nice. In fact, this was a party for fifty or sixty of the owner's friends (I think?) We emailed our Covid Vaccine and testing info in advance of arrival but have no idea what was going on with this big indoor party of unmasked revelers. The one thing I do know is that we had to search around to find someone to get us drinks and had to wait two hours while the party guests finished up before we were able to sit down for dinner at close to 10pm. Drifting back to the "house guest" analogy, it's like the home owners who forgot to tell you that they wouldn't be home also forgot to tell you that they had rented out the house for a new age music festival during your stay.

On a final note, the turtle sanctuary at Cuixmala is magical. there is a way to arrange a visit without falling victim to hotel guestdom?

Why am I writing this? It is truly intended as a public service. Consider carefully before booking a stay at Cuixmala. It is easy to rent an airbnb in the area, hire a chef, cook for yourself, find another resort or camp...

It’s supposed to be a luxury hotel and honestly I saw none of that. Yes, the architecture is beautiful and ofc views are truly stunning but the hotel itself definitely disappointed me for so many reasons. For instance the discrimination and distinction they made when they realized I was the nanny, they would ignore me, have a very unfriendly attitude and just give me a completely different treatment than the others. For example at breakfast they would offer everyone coffee or ask them what they were having and wouldn’t ask me at all, just sort of pretending I wasn’t even there and even ignore my requests. They never said thank you, please, good morning, hello and basic manners that you expect from EVERYONE no matter who they are. I have a vegan diet and there was no effort to make dishes that I could eat. I pretty much ate fruit, rice and vegetables which is not bad and I can take it but It’s funny how I got better treatment and service in a commercial all inclusive hotel in Cancun, where they always prepared a special meal or dish and deserts in each of their 4 restaurants. Again, there is a huge difference in prices between this hotels and I got better service, food and treatment in the cheaper one. Shout out to the whyndam alltra Cancun.

Last but certainly not least important is that we got a lot of insect bites which I’m pretty certain that might have been bedbugs because I can’t think of anything else. It’s not mosquito bites, nor ant bites or anything like that. The last day I had so many bites I lost count. My whole back, arms, neck, chest and belly are covered with bites. The kid that stayed in my room also has them. I checked the mattress before I left only to find out it was filthy and ripped. It’s crazy thinking that a “luxury hotel” would even dare to have a mattress in that condition. I’ve stayed in Airbnbs for $300 pesos that have bran new mattresses and it’s just almost comical that this hotel would have that one. Again it’s supposed to be a luxury eco resort and they can’t even cover the basics which is respect manners and...