Monkey Island Estate — Hotel in Great Britain

We booked the hotel as part of a Windsor race day package . Really looking forward to staying as had read some great reviews . We arrived but didn’t realise the reception was the small lodge in the car park as the sign was covered by foliage . Aimlessly walked around for a bit but eventually checked in - we were early so our rooms weren’t ready . We decided to chill out in the bar area and asked for an area outside but with an umbrella - nothing was available unless we wanted to have lunch . We decided we would eat but was then told we couldn’t as we hadn’t booked . Fair enough but if you haven’t booked there is zero food you can order in the resort . We waited about 20 minutes for someone to print a drinks menu but has asked for some water , that took 15 minutes and they had no ice as had run out . Watching the staff they were resembling headless chickens . Our friends arrived and ordered drinks - kir royal and a lager / but sadly no cassis or lager of any sort was available ! Seeing our continued frustration the bar manager offered a complimentary bottle of champagne which was lovely and went some way to appease the situation . Room check in time ! Well - we were in a barn at the wrong end of the car park !!! Rooms very small with many issues - no light in the shower , shower head needed fixing , no mirror in the bedroom , coffee awful . We went off on our Windsor afternoon and got back about 9pm . A group of 8 who were all feeling a little peckish ! Once again no food was available unless you had a table booked but they were fully booked . To be honest this is the first 5star hotel I have ever stayed in that offers no food of any type unless you have booked a table . The lovely manager once again came to the rescue and asked the chefs to knock up some chip buttys - which were very nice . The drink selection was very poor due to unavailability .

The hotel has quite a few staff but only the bar manager seemed to know what she was doing and we felt sorry for her as the upper management are clearly not giving her the ability to deliver a 5star service . I think she finally finished her shift at 3am and then was back doing breakfast at 7am !

In conclusion they charge a huge price ticket for delivering a very below standard offering . The rooms we were in were poor , the lack of food offering was ludicrous , the service level was diabolical apart from the lady manager in the bar . We won’t...

The estate is beautiful, actually set in a small island in the middle of the Thames, connected by a pedestrian bridge, so there are no cars. It's surrounded by a lot of green, and the place itself is like an oasis of tranquility, you can spend hours enjoying the nature and watching the river slowly flow. But then the hotel itself. Check in is actually out of the island, before crossing the bridge, but this is not well signed, and arriving at night is easily missed, like we did, and we spent quite a few minutes going from building to building, until someone (another guest) told us where to go. The rooms are very small, we barely had space around the bed, and there was no space where to put our cabin-size bags, so we had to put them on the floor, which limited space even more. Then on the first night, when we want to have a shower, there was no hot water. After a few phone calls with reception, someone came to our room to explain there was a problem with the boiler, and it wasn't going to be fixed until next morning. Indeed, next morning I was able to shower even though water was still not very hot; only got really hoy by noon. We had Valentine's dinner at the hotel restaurant. The place was nice, but nothing special. Service was good but not brilliant. We had steaks, which I had expected to be more tender, actually I had to ask for a different steak knife because it wasn't sharp enough, but the replacement was about the same. I don't think this dinner was good value for money. Then when it was time for checkout, they charged my card again by mistake, they said it's going to be reversed, and I hope...

I don’t usually leave reviews about my experiences at establishments; however, I felt compelled to do so on this occasion as felt pretty underwhelmed at Monkey Island Estate. The grounds by the river are in exquisite condition yet the interiors and furnishings of the rooms, bar and restaurant had a very cheap/fake feeling to them and not expected quality in a 5 star hotel in this price range. The carpets were buckled in areas on stairs and in the hallway and the shower drain cover would slip away and constantly stepping on it.

My martini was heavily inflated cost for what it was (£25). I don’t mind at all spending money for luxury—whether that be services or products— but absolutely despise paying luxury fees for clearly mediocre/cheap quality. The staff were very inexperienced e.g. waited for nearly 15 min for someone to greet me at the check-in reception port, no offering of small nibbles to accompany my drink, filthy chair at breakfast brushing crumbs off chair, and tables not very clean, I’m coeliac and asking for gluten free options added great confusion at breakfast—attention to detail and training definitely lacking).

This is clearly a 4-star hotel charging 5-star prices which I find disappointing. This is esp true when one compares this place to many 5 star establishments in the area and abroad where service and quality exceed expectations at every customer touch point where you feel special and taken care of. I felt this was mirroring a very corporate attitude of maximising on profit margin at expense of giving a good memorable customer experience. I suppose I was thrown off a bit...