Loch Gorm House — Hotel in Islay

Upon booking a 5 star recommended premium priced HOTEL, I did not expect to be living in the spare bedroom of a woman's house. ||||Beginning from pulling up to the only available parking being on the side of a busy national speed limit country road, we received an abrupt surreal welcome that felt like it was building the tension of the beginning chapters of a Stephen King novel. ||||During this odd welcome, she awkwardly asked, "oh, are you..?" Leaving my wife and I very confused until pointedly looking at the 8 month baby bump confirming that she was asking if we were pregnant.||||Once this was established and my wife confirmed that she was pregnant, Fiona then decided to disclose how "lucky" we were that we didn't arrive two weeks earlier as she was just getting over having shingles.||It was said as if we should have somehow known to disclose our pregnancy to her prior to arriving.||||The fact that she was still receiving guests while having the extremely contagious disease is a major concern.||Surely this should have been disclosed to all bookings she had for that month giving people a heads up that they were entering into a household with shingles.||||We were then ushered into a very cluttered and untidy hallway, led upstairs passing some questionable decor including a full size taxidermy hawk and the creepy bust of a child which stood out among the mess.||||After stepping over dust sheets across the threshold of our room, she then decided to inform us that we may have to make ourselves scarce as she was expecting a window fitter to come and replace the bathroom window in our en suite.||We didn't have an issue with this as we were planning on going back out anyway.||||When we made this known, she abruptly turned around and asked me if I could stay in the room while the window was being fitted to keep an eye because she was worried about the fitters damaging furniture.||It was then I realised that I was paying £264 per night to watch a woman's house for her and decided that I wasn't up for that and left to go for lunch.||||Before we could leave, she insisted on booking us in for dinner into a hotel in Port Charlotte. When my wife and I said we'll have a look at the menu to see what there is, she disclosed the fact that she had already booked us in without consulting us.||||After sitting in the car and looking up the menu to discover it looked mediocre and overpriced, we decided just to drive to Bowmore and sort our dinner by collecting a Chinese takeaway.||||After enjoying that, we did the dreaded drive back to Loch Gorm House to find Fiona fully channeling Kathy Bates by standing in her kitchen in the dark and stopping us on the stairs to very sourly ask where we had been.||||I graciously informed her that we had just gone to pick up a Chinese in Bowmore, to which she replied that "I know, nobody goes there" as if to slag off the nice meal we just had because it wasn't the one she permitted us to have, and if she knew where we were why did she ask? ||||She then asked what we wanted for breakfast. Unfortunately the majority of the options were egg based and I don't like egg, so I just requested a simple roll and bacon. She seemed to really want to make me an egg, before eventually relenting and agreeing to just make me some bacon.||||Then came the one bright spot of the experience where we enjoyed a soak in the massive standalone bath in our en suite. However, Fiona even managed to ruin this and make it weird.||||When we went down for breakfast in the morning, she asked if we used the bath, and whether we bathed together, after awkwardly confirming this to her she said "oh that's funny, I didn't hear you and normally I can hear guests using the bath"||This felt super creepy and uncomfortable and she then followed it up by asking what time we were in the bath. I perhaps had enough at this point and said "I don't know, I didn't exactly check the time."||||For breakfast she had left out a selection of pulpy fruit juice and "fresh" fruit. The fruit was rancid, but I considered lifting some strawberries to be polite. Upon lifting the empty bowl that had what I thought were rustic age marks at the bottom, the marks began to move in the bowl, confirming that it was in fact dirt lying at the bottom of an unclean bowl. I even checked the second bowl to see if it was just the top one, and it too contained loose dirt at the bottom.||||After abandoning that idea, I sat down to pour a cup of tea and grabbed the sugar bowl to see dog hair embedded in the granules, the porridge was also garnished with dog hair.||||Then Fiona brought my bacon roll and my wife's scrambled egg and bacon over, and there was also dog hair on her plate. I sat and ate my bacon roll while being watched intensely by Fiona and swatting away multiple flies and wasps that were swarming the dining space. Eventually Fiona asked if it was okay if she nipped out to the bank and left us to eat by ourselves, which we were very grateful for. Once she left, my wife ditched her eggs and went up the stairs to vomit despite the fact that any of the disgusting food didn't actually pass her lips and I took a closer look at the kitchen counters to find an unhygienic, cluttered mess consisting of uncovered containers and trays of sticky food crawling with flies, unwashed utensils, pots and pans with old bits of food still stuck to them and very unhygienic food preparation surfaces, which would not pass any health regulations even if the health inspector was blind.||||We then left to find my pregnant wife some edible breakfast and came back to Fiona yet again informing us that she had booked us dinner without consulting us. We went upstairs to get ready for the whiskey tour we had booked and upon leaving, I let Fiona know that we don't want the dinner reservation and asked if I can cancel that along with the taxi she had booked for transportation. She was clearly very pissed off that we again didn't want to eat somewhere that we hadn't chosen, but reluctantly agreed to cancel the booking. She asked where we are going to eat instead to which I told her we will sort ourselves while we are out to which she came up with a new rule of no food being allowed in the room which she hadn't mentioned up until now and felt very spiteful and infantilizing.||||We arrived back for our (thankfully) last night in her house at 10pm to a locked door: despite her previously telling us the door will never be locked.||We had to ring the bell and eventually call her mobile to request access to the house.||||When she came to let us in, she didn't turn on any hallway lights and stood in silence while she held the door. We thought it was locked because the other guests were in bed, however it then felt like a punishment when she advised that she still had deliveries coming at 11pm so we shouldn’t be concerned if we hear any noise. Very strange way to act, it felt as if she was giving us into trouble for not conforming to the unsolicited plans she had made for us earlier. We then informed her we don't want any breakfast, making up a polite excuse about wanting to leave early so as not to offend or provoke her.||||At the crack of dawn on checkout day, we were out of there. It is probably the fastest I have ever left any "hotel". ||||How this place is rated 5 stars I cannot fathom, nor can I understand how Fiona justifies the costly price of her rooms when that is the type of unwelcome experience on offer.||Put simply, we have never felt a more uncomfortable vibe anywhere or as closely watched in any other place we have stayed.||||If you want to feel like James Caan in Misery, then maybe Loch Gorm House will be for you, just be careful not to touch any of the...

Loch Gorm House has a lovely location, directly across the road from the lake.|Our upstairs room offered beautiful views in two directions.|As mentioned in several other reviews, Fiona the innkeeper, is the local florist. Unfortunately when we were there, she had just done the flower arrangements for several events, and there were supplies scattered throughout the public rooms. She was also in the midst of packing a lot of stuff up in boxes to be picked up, and those boxes littered the entire entrance foyer.|She complained about how tired she was and how much work she had been doing. |She came across as being standoffish, unfriendly and not very hospitable.|Our bedroom was large and commodious, but the décor was old and worn.|The en suite bathroom however, was in stark contrast, and looked like it had just been redone and updated. It was huge with an enormous walk-in shower and stand alone tub. WOW, it was gorgeous.|The breakfasts offered lots to eat, and Fiona pretty much had a wide variety of items on offer like: kippers, smoked salmon and trout.|Unfortunately one night for dinner, thinking she knew better, we cancelled our original dinner reservations and followed Fiona's advice about where to dine. She insisted we go to the Bridgend Inn for dinner, and even made reservations for us.|Sadly, this was one of the worst dinners we...

Booked Loch Gorm House to visit family on Islay. Arrived in late afternoon and welcomed by the owner and immediately offered a cup of tea and apologies for the wonderful display of flowers in the kitchen (the owner is also the Island's florist) with the explanation that she had several funerals to prepare the flowers for. No problem because of the superb floral display. Our room was excellent with a wonderful view over the bay to Bowmore and because the island was busy our host very kindly booked us a table at a local restaurant (and very good it was too). The bathroom was excellent with everything you needed and could reasonably expect. Both rooms cleaned daily and spotless with the bed almost drowning you with snugness. Lovely night's sleep and then breakfast. Wow everything you could possibly want was available all freshly prepared and cooked it was an absolute joy. Our host was very attentive and nothing too much trouble and she was an absolute mine of information. Loch Gorm House is not the cheapest place to stay but without doubt for my wife and I it was well worth it, lovely room, superb breakfast, lovely host and perfect location. What more...