🇧🇷 French cuisine | Roi Méditerranée

🌸 Roi Méditerranée: São Paulo’s Instagrammable French Spot Where Vibe Overshadows Flavor Perched on a luxury mall’s rooftop, this floral-festooned eatery looks like it jumped out of a Pinterest board—think swing seats, wall-to-wall blooms, and a queue that’ll test your patience. 🌟 Friends raved about it, but my taste buds? Not so much. Here’s the honest breakdown for when aesthetics matter more than actual flavor. 🌟 The Insta-Worthy Highlights (Because Looks Count) Floral Fantasy Land: Every corner is a photo op! 🌺 Swing chairs, neon "love" signs, and ceilings dripping with fake flowers—perfect for Valentine’s Day pics or shoots. Prime People-Watching: Overlooks the fancy shopping street—ideal for sipping rosé while judging designer bags. 👜 🚩 The Dishes: Style Over Substance (Ouch) Basic Bitch Salad: Literally lettuce + cherry tomatoes. 🥗 My homemade salads have more creativity—skip and order fries instead (though... see below). Valentine’s Black Rice Shrimp Bowl: Hard, sticky rice meets meh shrimp. 🍤 The "romantic" gimmick couldn’t save this—better off with takeout sushi. Truffle Fries Fail: Bland, oily, and zero truffle aroma. 🍟 McDonald’s fries hit harder—seriously, save your R$40. Foie Gras & Peaches Nightmare: Overwhelmingly sweet! 🦢+🍑 Seared foie on syrupy peaches—tastes like dessert threw up on your appetizer. Decent Octopus, Weird Hummus: Tender octopus, but the hummus? 🐙+🧆 Tangy, almost soapy—maybe a Mediterranean thing, but my palate said "nope". 💡 When to Go (and When to Run) Go If: You need Instagram content that screams "I’m bougie". You’re on a first date and want to impress with aesthetics. You plan to drink cocktails and ignore the food. Skip If: You take food seriously (like, at all). You hate paying premium prices for mall food court quality. You value flavor over flower walls. 📝 Practical Tips for Surviving the Visit Reservation is Non-Negotiable: Waited 30 minutes even with a booking—arrive early or risk hangry meltdowns. Order Strategy: Stick to cocktails and desserts (the macarons were passable). Avoid anything labeled "truffle" or "foie gras". Dress Code: Trendy casual—leave the flip-flops at home, but no need for formal wear. 🌼 Final Verdict Roi Méditerranée is a prime example of "built for Instagram, not for taste buds". Go if you’re willing to pay for a pretty backdrop and can overlook lackluster food. Otherwise, hit a real French bistro—your stomach (and wallet) will thank you. 📸✨ #SaoPauloInstagramSpots #FrenchCuisineFail #PrettyButBland #MallRestaurants #DiningForTheGram