🇬🇧 Juno: A Mexican-Japanese Fusion That Misses the Mark…

Like a Sushi Roll Thrown Blindfolded 🤹‍♂️🎯 📍 Juno, London | "Where Wasabi Met Guacamole… And Immediately Regretted It" 🌶️🍣 First Impressions: Walked in for a "bold culinary adventure"… left feeling like I’d survived a food experiment gone rogue 🧪💥. The vibe? Cool neon lights 💡, loud music 🎶 (why is the DJ playing mariachi over trap beats?), and waiter who described dishes like they were Nobel Prize nominees 🏆. 🍣 The Hits & Misses: A Rollercoaster of Emotions 🎢 ✔️ Margaritas: 10/10, would sell my soul for another round 👹🍹 → Zesty, perfectly balanced, and served with a side of "why isn’t the rest of the menu this good?" ❌ "Fusion" Sushi: Pre-made, lukewarm rice 🍚 (…was it cooked yesterday?) + fish that tasted like it had an identity crisis 🐟❓ → "Is this salmon or a very confused tilapia?" 🤔 ❌ Wagyu + Bone Marrow Dish: So rich it should come with a cholesterol warning ⚠️🧈 → One bite = instant food coma. Two bites = calling my cardiologist. ❤️🩺 ❌ Bug Incident: Found uninvited guests in the seasoning 🐜🚫 ("Extra protein?" – Chef, probably) → Yelp review draft: "⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ for authenticity… if we’re rating a jungle expedition." 🌿🦗 💬 Service Notes: TED Talks Before Tacos 🎤🌮 Waiter’s dish explanations: Longer than the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy 📜⚔️ → "Just say ‘spicy tuna roll’ and walk away, my dude." 🙏 Fusion concept: More forced than a rom-com couple in the third act 💔🎬 → Stick to margs and tacos, please. The sushi is crying. 😢🍣 💰 Final Verdict: "Maru, Take Me Back!" 🏃‍♀️💨 At £££ prices, this felt like paying for a magic show… and getting a card trick 🎩🐇. Maru (or even Wasabi 🏪) does sushi 100x better. 🔥 Hot Take: Some cuisines are meant to be solo artists—not a collab album. 🎤➡️🎻 #LondonEats #SushiFail #MargaritaSave