🎃 Eastern State Penitentiary’s Halloween Haunt

At 7 PM sharp, I traded my retirement slippers for a flashlight and braved Eastern State Penitentiary’s Halloween extravaganza. 👵🔦 Spoiler alert: This ain’t The Conjuring. With 5 “haunted houses” and a cast of overenthusiastic NPCs, it’s less terror, more… themed improv comedy. 🎭😂 🕷️ The Setup: Glowstick Gambit: Opt for the fluorescent necklace at entry. Wear it = NPCs swarm like moths to a porch light. 🦋💡 My favorite actor? “Chainsaw Charlie,” who chased me into a cell… then asked if I wanted a selfie. 📸🪚 Cellblock Creeps: A guard yelled, “Face your fears!” I faced… a man in a SpongeBob costume handing out candy. 🍬🧽 Retirement slow living, indeed. 👀 Highlights (for Sensitive Souls): History Meets Horror: The penitentiary’s actual history—Al Capone’s cell, solitary confinement cells—is spookier than any jump scare. 🚪🗝️ Pro tip: Visit during the day for goosebumps without the gimmicks. NPC Energy: One actor, dressed as a “ghost janitor,” mopped the floor while reciting Shakespeare. Multitasking king! 🧹👑 💡 Pro Tips for Thrill-Seekers (or Wimps): 1️⃣ Skip the Necklace: Go stealth mode. You’ll still get screamed at, but less “targeted harassment.” 🕶️ 2️⃣ Hydrate: All that screaming’s thirsty work. The penitentiary’s gift shop sells prison-themed water bottles. Irony: $15. 💧💸 3️⃣ Bring a Buddy: Not for safety—for laughter. My friend screamed at a cardboard cutout. 🤣📦 Bonus Trivia: This prison once held Willie Sutton (bank robber extraordinaire). His cell? Now a gift shop. Capitalism > ghosts. 🛍️👻 As I left, a zombie offered me a coupon for “20% off your next scare.” Tempting, but I’ll stick to bingo nights. Fun Fact: Eastern State Penitentiary pioneered solitary confinement. Today, it’s pioneering “family-friendly frights.” Progress? 🏛️ #HalloweenInPhilly #RetirementAdventures #HauntedHistory