Beefsteak Restaurant & Bar — Restaurant in Alberta

After weeks on the road—fleeing whispering peanut pumps, befriending sentient Mazda Linda, and surviving a Timbit seance in Hanna—I finally limped into Beiseker, starving, delirious, and 11% raccoon spiritually. My blood was 60% gas station coffee. My thoughts were static and drywall dust. I was prepared to perish.

Then, I saw it. A sign. A beacon. BEEFSTEAK RESTAURANT & BAR.

I entered sideways. Literally. I think gravity was off in that building. The air smelled like beef, dreams, and maybe paprika? A man in a leather apron greeted me by name, even though I never told him. He said, “We've been expecting you since Marengo.”

I blacked out for 4 minutes. When I came to, the Loader Burger was in front of me.

Beef. Bacon. Cheese. Layers upon layers. A stack so tall I swear it whispered truths about my childhood. I bit into it and the walls pulsed. A moose across the room saluted me. Every flavor detonated inside my brain like fireworks hosted by Gordon Ramsay and a screaming goose.

The dry ribs? CRIMINALLY TENDER. I ate them with my bare hands and wept openly. A woman clapped. A baby winked. Someone turned the lights off for dramatic effect.

A side of soup appeared. I didn’t order it. It said: “This is from the manager. We sense your hunger reaches beyond the physical.” I drank it. Time hiccupped. My shoes changed color.

Then came the dessert I didn’t order. It was just a pear, wearing a crown, glowing faintly. I stared at it. It stared back. It understood.

The staff never questioned me once. They offered me more napkins when I began whispering “Linda needs mustard” into a sugar packet. They treated me like a king, even though I looked like I’d been spit out of a Canadian Tire clearance bin. A man in the corner whispered “you’re safe now.”

Why five stars?

The food fixed my internal organs. I don’t even have a gallbladder anymore and I felt it regenerate.

Service? Transcendent. No judgment. Just grace, meat, and soft, glowing stares.

I left the restaurant 14 pounds heavier and emotionally absolved.

The bathroom mirror showed me an image of myself that didn’t blink for 8 full seconds. That’s how I knew I was healed.

BOTTOM LINE: If you are starving and your car has been whispering prophecies to you for 4 provinces… If you have ever cried into a Farmer’s Wrap and seen your future in the hashbrown steam… If you need salvation in the form of gravy…

Beefsteak Restaurant & Bar is your cathedral. Kiss the burger. Sip the soup. Become legend.

I now have a tattoo of the menu on my lower...

What a disappointment... My wife and I moved to Irricana last year November, so we are still a bit new to this area. Today we thought we'd go celebrate our anniversary at this restaurant, but after what we've experienced here, never again, and we will definitely not recommend this place to anyone - ever. We thought we'd start with a clam chowder and a french onion soup, and then for our main course, we ordered prime rib for me (I asked for medium rare) and for my wife lasagna with chicken wings on the side. For drinks we simply had one coca cola, and one apple juice. We had to wait for the starters quite long, and then suddenly after at least 25 minutes, 3 servers brought out ALL our food together at the same time. Yes, they did apologize for this, as they were well aware that we had wanted the soups as starters, but now all the food was equally getting cold at the same time. The toast was burned black (not a good thing to serve that this way), and the prime rib was overdone, way too well done so that it was stringy and hard to cut. The french onion soup had been sitting way too long inside the kitchen, which resulted in the bread crumbs completely having soaked up all the moisture, so it was a big mess of soft bread mixed with cheese and onions. The lasagna was sitting in oily water, and the (teriyaki) chicken wings were regular crispy chicken wings drenched in teriyaki sauce. According to my wife, these wings were reasonably tasty though, but the lasagna was mediocre. One thing that kept on bothering us before and during dinner: flies were constantly around us, our food and drinks, and it was very annoying having to keep swatting them away from the table. Our server asked us 'how everything was' and we informed her of our criticisms regarding the dissatisfying food, yet the biggest shock came when we received the bill: $96.50, not including the tip of course! So we rounded up the bill to $100.00. Apologies or not, they could at least have given us a decent discount on the bill for everything that was not served appropriately, which should be expected for that kind of money. We figured we could've spent the same amount of money at the Red Lobster, and the food would have been much more tasty and served much better. Lesson learned, but again, what a...

We stopped on our way home from a trip with the family. Overall disappointing. 1 server for the whole dining room, she did her best but unfortunately fell short do to lack of staff. I ordered eggs Benny, the hollandaise was curdled and chunky. My husband tried and he spit it out so had to send back. My daughters French toast was never ordered so was rushed after all our food came, upon tasting it, all we could taste was oil, like they threw it in the deep fryer to cook quicker 🤮 my son had the pizza bread with meat sauce. Meat sauce tasted like fried beans like it had been sitting in a slow cooker for days, and pizza bread wasn't very good. No flavor, bland and dry. For the prices and quality of food not a good buy for your buck. Advertising as a steak house and charging a higher price for meals I thought the quality would have...