The Alice Lisle, Ringwood — Restaurant in New Forest

Well... Let us rejoice, once more, in the gladness of sweet hearted locals doing their level best to serve a quality pub experience.

Lady Schnufflies and I had been seeing eye to eye of late again, and getting on rather well in the years we've battled mountains and suffered nadirs.

But, she is in need of care and attention sometimes, like all good houseplants, and I felt she needed a bally treat. A night out, to save her from her clouds of woe and misery.

So I decided to use some rare money to do exactly that. We would quest to a local pub, for a fine meal.

We decided on the Alice Lisle, as it is a nice spot, although I was suspicious on the quality of food from a visit years ago... Once again, how wrong I was to assume correctness in forecasting concerns when we were introduced to the most beautiful, tender, immaculate steak I've had out in sometime. Thankfully, not being Hindu's, and allowed to eat meat still in this world of sugar plum fairies and emasculated half breeds, I had something close to a religious experience at Chef Jake's quality cooking and luxurious pepper sauce.

I am honoured and so fortunate to have consumed one of his special recipes, if I had the money again, I'd hurry back today for a yummy sequel.

I can see Chef Jake has been taking something like Masterchef classes very seriously.

I didn't meet the wizard of food, but I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed his offerings, and having met the sweet and innocent Scarlett who served us with integrity, care and attention, Lady Schnufflies and I had a champion night of laughing and friendship over a pint of perfect Peroni.

We swooned over a cigarette after the meal with incredible gratitude (Yes, we still smoke and we've never been gay!), and nourishment factors were set to high levels of wow.

Hmmm hmmm... Oh Chef Jake, if only you knew how much you have fulfilled the mission of creating 'perfect food'. The only problem is that I wanted more... MORE... And consume a cow's worth of that luscious, luscious tender cooking and sauce.

If the apocalypse comes, I'll steal a cow and bring it to you. We can raise it's children in the garden, and survive off steak au poivre with your amazing dauphinoise potatoes.

The Chinese say a meal is enjoyed three ways. The anticipation, (which I didn't have last night, because I was 'false projecting' prior to arrival), 'the consuming' (which was an experience of wonders), and the memory, which lingers with me now and I feel complete.

Thank you for improving our lot, and combined with the rest of the loving team who work there, it really is quite a splendid location.

I quest on now valiantly into new worlds, but a meal adored in ravenous beauty, will help me remember the love, and decency of local oasis's, made all the more civilised and peaceful by the distinct lack of Liam Gallagher's presence.

I sit well within my nourished vectors this day, and wish you all a super merry Crimbo. The Lord is...

Booked well ahead having seen the menu online. The location is lovely but that is where it ends! Got there and was asked if we wanted to be in main area or in the restaurant which was locked and in darkness. The guy who met us explained that there were only 2 Staff on duty and it was obviously easier for them if we stayed in the main room We sat down and immediately noticed that the menu was nothing like the one which was posted online. Made our choices and waited for the food to be served. Our whole stay was ruined by 2 children whose Mother didn't care what they were up to. They were screaming and play fighting and kept landing on our table. I assumed that maybe they lived there and asked the waiter if they could possibly play elsewhere. Their Mother then appeared and shouted at us saying that I needed to approach her and not the waiter if I wanted to complain about her kids. She said that the kids were allowed to be in the pub and we should have been in the restaurant! No comment but gone are the days when children behave when they are out. Anyway, all that aside, 3 of us had ordered the prawn cocktails which had sour bread soldiers and bloody Mary sauce. The sauce was simply marie rose and no sourdough bread. Asked for it having waited 10 minutes and the waiter was unaware that it was on the menu. Another 10 mines later, stale normal bread was given to us. The main meal came and was disappointing. The chips were soggy, the pie was dry, mums new potatoes arrived once she had almost finished her meal and we're floury and dry. We didn't want any puddings What a shame! Staff were really apologetic and explained that the normal chef was on leave and the Management had just changed. They gave us a reduction in the bill but this didn't make up for a horrible meal! Will never go back and recommend that you give the place...

This was a very disappointing experience, almost salvaged by the “gluten-free” brownie at the end of the meal. We had been contacted the day before our booking to say that they were operating with a limited menu because of a lack of gas (if only they had said that the chef had stayed at home - just a guess). The adjusted menu had a couple of items that sounded appetising and we decided to go because it was close, in the New Forest, and previous reviews were good. We chose the £15.75 Mackerel Niçoise and the £15.25 Plant Burger. I asked what the skin-on fries were being replaced with (still on the menu) and he said nothing because of the lack of a gas supply. So I said what about a portion of new potatoes (which was still on the menu)? He said that was an extra £3.50…. Yes they were pulling out all the stops! Expecting something special which would eclipse such meanness, I got a shop-bought vegan burger on a dry white bun (literally NOTHING on it) with a miserable selection of generic salad leaves and no dressing and a thimbleful of their special coleslaw. The plant based Whopper from Burger King is tastier, more generous and about £13 cheaper. The smoked mackerel niçoise had a few warmed up pieces of smoked mackerel, about 7 leaves of lettuce and another mean portion of potato/anchovy mix. The microwaved “new” potatoes were a tasteless but necessary addition to our unintentionally low carb meal. On top of that, the pub looks a little like a building site because of the gas mains work. The brownie with salted caramel ice cream was lovely but £60 later (we had some ok wine), we went home and ate something. I didn’t complain because the staff looked like they didn’t want to be there either. I doubt the problem is just the gas but this was the poorest value meal I have had out...