Panache Wood Fire Grill — Restaurant in Whitpain Township

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to dine in a fever dream where nothing tastes like it should and every bite is a gamble with your sanity, allow me to introduce you to Panache—where food goes to die, but not before taking your appetite and digestive system with it.

Let’s start with the pineapple martinis. Strong enough to fuel a jet engine, but hey, that’s not the problem. The problem was the snot-like sludge that oozed into the glass when I asked for a side of pineapple juice to dilute the drinks. This nightmare concoction sank straight to the bottom like a science experiment gone wrong. When we pointed out that fresh pineapple juice should not have the viscosity of hair gel, the bartender doubled down and defended it, rather than admitting that something was clearly amiss. Honestly, at that point, I was praying they had just forgotten to mix in egg whites—because the alternative was much worse.

Then came the lobster bisque, which was more of a lobster-less bisque-flavored water. When I asked what exactly I was looking at, the server admitted that the food runner “forgot to add the lobster.” Ah, yes. Just a minor detail in a LOBSTER BISQUE. They corrected it by bringing out a new bowl with some actual lobster chunks, but it had a thick, unholy skin on top that suggested it had been sitting around, contemplating its own existence for far too long.

Next up: the steak salad. Now, I use the word “steak” loosely here, because what arrived at my table looked and tasted like boiled shoe leather with a greenish hue, despite being advertised as tenderloin. The greens were wilting, the chickpeas were straight out of a can, the walnuts were bitter, and I’m hoping it was bad Chimichurri that made their “tenderloin” come out with the look, taste, and feel of week old Taco Bell “steak” that had been boiled in green food coloring—otherwise I expect I’ll be very ill in the near future. When I asked for a side of Gorgonzola, they delivered a sad, slimy block of it, impossible to crumble, forcing me to engage in an impromptu cheese clay-sculpting session at the table.

At this point, I gave up on my own food and asked my partner if I could have a slice of his pepperoni pizza. It looked promising, but as soon as I took a bite, my face involuntarily contorted. The pizza sauce was aggressively sour, the cheese had the rubbery consistency of cheap string cheese nuked in a microwave, and even the crust—our last hope—was sour and off-putting. We actually dissected the pizza, tasting each ingredient separately, trying to pinpoint what was so offensive. Spoiler: it was all bad.

The only semi-redeemable part of the meal was the vodka mule, which I clung to like a life raft while suffering through the food. Also, the bread at the beginning was decent, which should have been my cue to just eat that and call it a day.

Now, to give credit where it’s due: Lorraine, the manager, did try to make things right. She was polite, apologetic, and even offered a $25 gift certificate as a goodwill gesture. Unfortunately, that barely scratches the surface of the trauma this meal inflicted. I wouldn’t return even if they paid me.

Final verdict: I’d rather eat three-day-old McDonald’s from the back of my fridge than go through this again. Save yourself the disappointment (and the heartburn) and go literally anywhere else.

*Edited to add: my partner and I did indeed wind up sick later that night, confirming my suspicion that the kitchen doesn’t know about day dots or what FIFO stands for. Dine at...

Being a resident of King of Prussia my family and I have become bored with the chain restaurants that populate the area. So I was excited to try Panache for Mother's Day Brunch, as it seemed like a interesting concept and a privately owned business where I'd prefer to dine. Sadly, my experience was far from what I imagine Panache to mean.

Just getting a reservation was painful as I had attempted to book using OpenTable, but was drawn into a game of phone tag as I tried to confirm our reservation. Upon our prompt arrival we watched as three parties (5,4,&4) were all seated ahead of us. We inquired and were told that the hostess was under strict instructions to only seat parties that were assigned to certain tables. So in essence because the previous party hadn't departed we were made to wait while other parties arriving after us could be seated as they came in. Having a background in the hospitality industry this made no sense to me.

Upon finally being seated, our party of 5 was lead to what would normally be a table for 4 with a chair pulled up to the end. This is not the most comfortable seating arrangement as you might imagine, but this what we had been given. When our server arrived he did inform us that because of Mother's Day that the restaurant was giving away complimentary mimosas and two were ordered. But when I asked for a coffee I was told that I'd have to get it myself from the "big vat". No other cocktails were suggested, no drink menu present and I must say that I was shocked to learn that the only food offering was a buffet. The normal brunch menu on the website did not seem to be offered.

I can say that had I known that the only offering was a buffet I would have made reservations elsewhere. Buffet food is quite lacking in my opinion and unfortunately this experience was no different. The various main chaffing dishes offered items such as what I assume were scrambled eggs, sausages, tater tots, dry looking french toast, waffle pieces, and rock hard precooked bacon portioned out by a single attendant. Everything I sampled was either cold or slightly warm. The coffee urn or vat was empty. The omelet station was severely behind and the carving station offered what I believe was prime rib as no attempt was made to convey what the hunk of meat was. All of this was situated around and across from the bar making it a gauntlet as people trying to get food jockeyed around servers, busers, and other patrons who were either leaving or trying to follow the hostess to their seats. Definitely not what I would consider an ideal lay out.

At one point our "server" asked if everything was okay, to which I replied no, but I can only assume he hadn't heard as he cheerfully said great and walked away from our table. Now having felt udderly defeated I asked for the check and was shocked to realize that this ridiculous experience was costing $48 per person! With gratuity added in because keeping waters filled should be rewarded to such a degree. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have tipped 20% but if I'm having to get my own coffee it does seem like it should be a choice.

So all in all a place called Panache Wood Fire Grill they offered nothing that seemed remotely wood fired, nor was anything about our experience flamboyant, it lacked flair and style. The ONLY thing grandiose was the check. Perhaps the name is...

My school planned our principal's retirement party at Panache for over 90 people in the lower bar area. The atmosphere, bartenders, DJ and hostesses were great. I appreciated the restaurant's flexibility upon booking, which was done five months in advance. However, it did make me nervous that there was no contract or anything in writing about the details of the event (i.e, menu, DJ, projector, etc.)

A few weeks prior to the event, I emailed and called the restaurant hoping to get a rough idea of how the projector and sound system would be set up and what they would need from me on my end (i.e, cords, laptop, HDMI hook up etc.)... I never received a response.

When I arrived the afternoon of with a co-worker to set up for the event, I noticed that there was no projector and I began to get nervous. They assured me it would be up and running just in time to show our presentations at 6:00 PM... They brought out multiple screens, multiple cords in an attempt to set up for these presentations, in the middle of 90 people trying to eat, drink and socialize. The waitress approached me with cords saying "we should be ready any minute now." I told her that our computers are new and don't have an HDMI port, hence why I emailed two weeks ago. She profusely apologized and said she will be sending someone out to get an HDMI port. At this point, guests are starting to slowly file out and our event is ending in roughly an hour. At 8:00 PM (the end of the event) after many attempts a screen and projector were finally up and running, however, over half of the guests have left at this point. The video was spotty, hardly anyone could hear or see what was being shown. Something that was worked on for months and months and months.

At the time of booking, we were promised an assortment of heavy apps and "self-serve" stations of caesar salad, assorted metro pizzas, pasta, wings, antipasto station, veggie trays, gluten free options etc. All of this was in my iPhone notes at the time of booking, so essentially, word of mouth. When none of the "self-serve" items came out, I inquired with the waitress who said "oh, we were told just the appetizers only." I became visibly frustrated and the waitress was able to get those missing food items out. However, the "self-serve stations"were not maintained (i.e, more forks when forks ran out, more salad when salad was low, clearing dishes, etc.) Guests began asking me, also a guest, for forks and when more food would be brought out- completely embarrassing.

To wrap this up, the look on our principal's face and the fun that she had while celebrating this huge milestone in her life with her staff, family and friends made the entire evening worth it. We are a very social group and can have a great time together, no matter the circumstance. However, some of these circumstances were past the point of unacceptable and disappointing. As the person who was essentially in charge of planning the entire event and whose name was on the invitation, I am mortified about certain aspects of...