Kaiteriteri Beach — Attraction in South Island

Jeremy lore.

BEFORE NOW Jeremy is a snapper who grew up in a small town in New Zealand called Brightwater. His mothers name was Julia, and his dads name was Jarrett. They were poor, so they could afford little luxuries. Unfortunately, about two days ago, his father was killed in a car accident, so his mum was left to do all the work. He made a couple of friends at school, one of his best friends, is you. Both of you hate school and want to explore the world instead of learning nothing but stupid stuff that won't help you in the future. You and Jeremy are bullied by the stronger, more popular kids, which makes you both sad and mad. One day, a bully says something downright mean to you both, and Jeremy absolutely LOSES it. His fins are flying in every which way, trying to punch the bully, but they are too short to make a blow. A crowd of students form around you. You get so furious watching the bully get the upper hand, so you punch him so HARD in the jaw, that not only you bruise your hand, you punch out not one, but TWO TEETH from his mouth. Dark red blood bleeds down the bullies mouth. He puts his hand on it, and immediately, his hand is DRENCHED in his blood. The bully stares at it. All of a sudden, his scared look turns into pure ANGER. He turns to you and Jeremy and screams, "I WILL TEAR YOU TWO TO SHREADS!" and begins running after you both. Jeremy and you start booking it the other way and have to dodge and weave through the crowd, while the bully just PLOWS through, knocking everyone and everything in his path down to the ground. You both are just running at mach speed, trying to get him off your tail. The bully is catching up to you. And fast. You and Jeremy enter a hallway, and right as you pass a classroom door, the thing flies open as a student headed out for a bathroom break, and the bully SMASHES his skull straight into the door with an audible CRUNCH. The door is destroyed. You and Jeremy look back at the destruction and gaze while the bullies hopes of catching you two flash before his own eyes. Both of you decide to go back home. Before the teachers come.

NOW It's been 4 days since the incident at school, and Jeremy and you are feeling kinda under the weather. You both go on a trip to Kaiteriteri Beach for an afternoon swim to try and get your spirits up. Jeremy tries to start small talk with you by saying, "Hi. My name's Jeremy. Did you go to school today?" But it doesn't really work. He asks if you want to get out of here since it's actually kinda boring just floating in the water. Then, Jeremy brings you to a Speights Ale House in Nelson by the Nelson Car Museum to have a eat. You sit down at the back of the second floor and order some drinks and chips. Then, out of nowhere, a cook comes up the stairs in a rush and exclaims, "SMOKED SNAPPER WILL BE THE SPECIAL FOR TONIGHT!" and proceeds to kidnap Jeremy. You try to save him, but the cook is too quick. He is put on the counter and tries to flop himself out of the dire situation, but to no avail. You watch as he is chopped and diced and cut and sliced into bite size pieces. You go to his funeral and watch as his mum buries him. Then, without warning, the gods recognize that Jeremy was a good kid. So they grant you a wish to restart Jeremy's life. You accept the offer and go back in time to when you were at the beach. Jeremy apologizes for that doesn't normally happens. But before he could get to finish, a shark comes and bites his head off. He was taken to hospital while he was still alive, but he died the next morning. That was the final blow for Jeremy. A song was made in honor of him by a small YouTuber called "I'll Miss You Jeremy". It was also a shameless plug for people to subscribe to his channel.

AFTERMATH You die of depression.

At the time of starting this comment the video was posted 57 minutes ago. Now it was posted 2 hours ago. Geez that took a long time.

No fish were harmed in the making of...

NOT dog friendly at all in Kaiteriteri!

The signs between the parking area and beach say 'no dogs', which we assumed was for the beach. We totally understand Kaiteriteri is a family holiday destination, although we did not visit during a weekend or school holiday, it was Monday 13.12.21.

We are very respectful dog owners, we always clean up their mess and always ask first if our dogs can sit in a cafe's out doors seating area.

I waited on the pavement outside the Waterfront cafe while hubby went inside to ask if our dog was allowed in the outdoor seating area. The lady (!) was very rude and said "NO, and they are not allowed on the pavement outside either". We had never been there before and will never go again, even if we did not have our dog with us. We were very very shocked by her rudeness.

Also while we were there, the diggers were moving sand around on the beach, so quite noisy and scary for our dog, hence why we walked on the non beach side...

We had a disappointing experience but the camp is well set out with lots of facilities throughout. It took us 3 days phone calls and an unanswered email to finally make a booking.Then lady was rather grumpy and rude. When we arrived at our 2 Sites a van who had parked in the wrong place was in our site. they did try ringing the van owners but go no reply. Then said"oh they're elderly you'll have to find somewhere else " The couple we are travelling with are 85, is that not elderly. Too make matters worse we had booked those sites for a reason. A friend, also in her 80s, used to love visiting Kaiteriteri. She died a couple of weeks ago. The last site she had stayed in was the one we'd booked. The idea had been to ring her husband saying where we were and that we were having a drink in her memory. Thanks for spoiling what was to be a...