Torness Nuclear Power Station — Attraction in Scotland

Me and my mates came here by accident one evening in early June. We were Winkle picking along the shore. Due to high levels of radiation the Winkles have developed a healthy green glow. They litter the evening shore like a blanket of neon diamonds. After consuming many of the tasty little molluscs, we all had bright green glowing mouths and had adopted a stagger due to the poisonous nature the Winkles now possessed. We drunkenly staggered toward the bright lights of the power station which was emmiting a low oscillating hum, not that dissimilar from the noise you might find emitted from a Techno night at 3am in a warehouse in Manchester. We made our way through the darkness, dribbling green goo from our mouths, walking like toddlers clutching five pound notes in our hands. We made our way through a hole in the West fence and conveniently missed the entry fee, which we all agreed we could spend on chips and curry on the way home. We made our to the main reactor in search of the source of the sounds we craved. On the way we were greated by an angelic figure dressed head to toe in black leather and chains. He called himself Brian. Brian beat my friend dave into submission with a whip after he couldn't sing 'The Star Spangled Banner " whilst riding a Kangaroo. After that it all got a little hazy and we ended up eating curry on chips in lay by. My favourite bit was Chewbacca's guitar solo. Man i love...

Went Oyster fishing for the wife, all seemed to be well. Suddenly, there was a hard tug on the end of my fishing rod. In frenzied excitement, I pulled the strained line in back to the boat. As my bounty began to rise to the surface, suddenly a feeling of dread crept over me... this was no ordinary oyster. For one, far too heavy and not all oysters glow green.. right? I pulled my mighty catch on board, seaweed covered it's entire body, except for a dash red and gimmery of pink.. The rest is a blur, all I can remember is a shrill voice saying "IM...

My son and I booked a tour of Torness. We were shown round by Kendal who has incredible knowledge of the power station. He explained everything simply and brilliantly, a marvellous insight into how they make the power that we need and use every day.

This tour is completely free folks. Just book at least three weeks ahead and then prepare to be amazed at the skill of the people who design, build, run and maintain installations...