This visit, we learned all inclusive = rip you off as much as possible. The nicest thing about this hotel BY FAR was the lobby. Won't be doing the resort thing again, I'd much prefer to pay for actually good food, drinks, room, etc. Thank goodness for my wonderful, good spirited wife, or this could have been an atrocious time.
We arrive to check in in a nice lobby, there are about 6 people working behind the front desk, and at least 6 more wandering around supposedly helping, but it takes about 20 minutes before we are shepherded into a very ugly conference hall instead. Again, tons of people working but the line takes another 20 minutes or so.
We arrive in our room, it is as stated in the other reviews, very 80s-90s. It's pretty dark, smells like either a rat died or someone shoved a wet towel in the vents, and the AC is extremely loud. It is fortunately relatively clean and the beds are comfy. There's no room service.
We go downstairs to a "foam party" which is a VERY crowded pool with kind of a medium amount of bubbles in it, and a guy screaming into a microphone. Basically all the events were along the lines of "guy yelling in mic", so we steered clear of the main pool.
We got cocktails, we had SIX drinks each and did not feel even somewhat buzzed. I imagine each maybe had 1/4 of a shot in it, or maybe the alcohol bottles were filled with water. We got snacks at the pub and had a burrito filled with french fries, with a side of french fries. No seasoning and very minimal salt -- remember what I said about ripping you off maximally? Apparently that extends to salt on the food?
We walked to the beach - it was a pretty view but the water was way too dirty to swim in, if not obvious by its murkiness, then emphasized by the oil tankers in the distance. The dock was closed and clearly falling apart.
Dinner was one of the most mediocre buffets I've ever been to. Again, most of the food was not seasoned, not well cooked, and a poor imitation of food you can get way cheaper and way tastier anywhere else in the country (for example, we had caldosas the day before, and the ones in the buffet tasted like they had watered down the lime and used old fish in comparison to the ones we got for about 1000c at a stand in san jose) There was a wide variety of food to choose from but it was basically all terrible. The coffee was extremely watery, but also tasted burnt and old.
There are SO many people working there, and I felt so bad for them, almost all of them looked very sad. Again, I would rather have less employees to help me but have them be treated more respectfully by management.
We briefly swam in one of the pools and it was fine, kind of cold and super chlorinated.
At night, fortunately the drinks were poured a little stronger, there's a fancy bar, but it seats about 20 people and they refuse to serve you unless you find a chair. It was only open from maybe 6 to 10 or so, so we couldnt get a seat. At the less fancy bar, one of the worst sounding sound systems I've encountered was absolutely blasting cheesy old pop hits, again, with a guy screaming into the microphone periodically. We basically ran in, got drinks, and then ran 100+ meters away to get out of the range of the sound system. Every now and then 5 or so people would get up to dance, but I wouldn't really call it a party by any stretch.
Breakfast was also buffet style, again the coffee was TERRIBLE and surprisingly difficult to acquire (there was a counter with no one behind it and we stood there confused for a few minutes before someone showed up to pour us a watery coffee) and the food was so mediocre we wished we had just left first thing in the morning and gone elsewhere.
Sorry y'all, your money is definitely better spent elsewhere. We could have paid much much less for a much...
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