The Fife Arms — Hotel in Great Britain

Overall we had an OK stay - not a five star stay - at the Fife Arms. To summarise: it is not good value. Service: mixed feelings. Overall friendly and authentic, especially bar staff and the resident whisky expert - impressive knowledge there.

Check in was disappointing and a touch chaotic. Upon arrival, we were hanging around at the desk for a while with no one to be seen. Finally, the lady who checked us in got half way through the process and then suddenly vanished to the back room, with no explanation.

However, the most disappointing aspect of check in was not acknowledging that it was our honeymoon. Having made a note on the booking, and literally arriving fresh from our wedding in Auchenblae, it would have been nice to have been congratulated, especially as we were still so buzzing from the occasion. You would expect a five star hotel to manage this without question and it’s an easy thing to do.

Room: Firstly we were shown up by a young lady who gave a pretty lacklustre ‘congratulations’ as we told her we’d just got married (yes I know everyone is not going to care, but in hospitality you have to at least pretend in a genuine fashion!).

Minibar items were good quality. However, I would expect a 5* hotel to have small toiletries to take away, not large and communal. While they can play on the sustainability element it can be done.

Our room (‘The Rebel’) had a blind that did not quite fit the window, and therefore the sunlight around the edges woke me up from about 5am. Note: the river is loud but quite relaxing.

Food. We ate in the Flying Stag both nights. Food was disappointing. The burger bun was dry (who doesn’t toast their buns these days?) and steak fatty. I have never given much thought about the way chips are presented, but they were sort of strewn on to the plate, school dinner canteen style. Don’t most ‘pubs’ these days put them neatly in a little basket or something?

We had a sandwich in the Clunie. A cream cheese and smoked salmon sandwich does not need to be made into a club with three layers of (dare I say, possibly pre-packaged sliced?!) bread. In fact just invest in better quality, fresh chunky bread - that’s all it needs. When you’re paying north of £15 for one sandwich it had better be perfect.

Breakfast. First morning was very disappointing. Despite an almost empty dining room at c10am I had to flag a member of staff to take our order. Staff seemed to look busy cleaning tables without looking up to check on guests flagging their attention. Rock-hard scotch pancakes and tattie scone the first morning, like they had been left out for too long getting cold. When we were checked on - we asked for some maple syrup, jam and another juice - and eventually after 10 minutes only the juice arrived. It wasn’t worth asking again. The moment to try and rectify the world’s toughest pancakes had passed…

Second morning’s breakfast much better in terms of service - credit goes to a young-ish English chap who was much more ‘on it’. ‘Katy’s boiled eggs with soldiers’ - no soldiers just standard toast (burned toast that I had to send back). Had also asked for runny and they came hard boiled. You would think that’s the easiest thing for a hotel to get right - just set 4.5mins on the timer and watch the toast!

Oh, and to return to the bread argument - as a five star hotel, please invest in better quality fresh bread for breaky!

I wouldn’t normally write such an extensive review for a hotel, but I feel obliged given the number of international tourists that will get lost in the ‘Scottishness’ of the whole place; I’m sure many automatically give it 5 stars without considering whether this is genuinely a top-tier hotel.

In summary: 2 nights was quite enough and we were more than ready to leave. The handful of inexperienced staff lets it down on the overall service front and the food simply not 5 star. I wouldn’t stay again as a paying guest (especially £415 p.n.), but would perhaps pop in for a drink or coffee. Yes it has the history and romantic setting, but this does not automatically...

We live in Ballater so didn’t stay over but came up for Sunday dinner in the bar area. Firstly the two of us were sat at a window table which was nice however we felt like two year olds trying to reach the height of the table. Very uncomfortable to eat from, fine if just drinking. Seats were soft and comfortable. We’ve eaten in some of the best hotels and restaurants in the world and are lucky to have done so. We came to the Fife for a very special ocassion with our dog. It’s fantastic you can bring dogs in and eat. For that we’re very grateful.

We perused the very small menu rather quickly. Sunday dinner was an eye watering £25. The people on the next table had just been served it and were far from happy with the size of the potions for the amount paid. We decided to order the roast chicken from the menu instead and the haggis. The haggis portion was a normal pub serving. However the whiskey sauce was a bland watery let down, which sadly ruined the dish. NOTHING like a good Scottish, creamy, rich whiskey sauce. They should try mine! My husband had the chicken, served on the bone which is so annoying, by the time you dissect it the rest of your food is cold. The chicken was lemon flavoured, with gravy this was rather vile. He also had to pay £3.00 extra for a yorkshire pudding. The chicken and veg portion size was ridiculous. (He got a fish supper when we left around the corner). Yes it’s “pub grub” some are served as fine dining style and size (chicken) whilst other dishes such as the haggis and fish n chips are “normal” style & portion size. It’s not consistent. The fish n chips is HUGE compared to the tiny serving of the chicken. Overall the flavours of both our dishes were so disappointing. We ordered desert to try and redeem our meal, BIG MISTAKE, with only two choices we had one of each. The plum crumble was shocking! Skin on the plums which had come loose and was very unpleasant in the mouth (obviously) and the flavour was non existent. The crumble itself was lovely, plenty crunch. It came with creme fraiche so we asked if we could change that for a bit of ice cream instead. Only choice was almond or mint 🤷‍♀️ I chose almond. It basically tasted of chemicals. , very soapy taste. Truly it was awful. My fiancé had the chocolate mousse with creme fraiche and he took the mint ice cream instead. Probably the worst mint ice cream we’ve ever eaten, it tasted like toothpaste. Certainly nothing natural about any of these flavours. To make it worse when the bill came we were charged £3 each for these tiny single inedible scoops which we were not advised of at time of swapping instead of creme fraiche. When we questioned the waitress she said “sorry but that’s what the chef wants” Her supervisor came across, very efficient and professional individual who apologised profusely and removed the charge and said it should not have been the case. We spoke to him about our meal and he apologised. He advised they have “French patisserie chefs who are amazing however possibly not pulling of the Scottish classics so well”. Get them trained then by someone who knows how to make Scottish Classics otherwise tourists will leave this hotel with a low opinion of traditional Scottish food. This meal was a voucher given to us as part of a wedding present. Thank goodness we didn’t have to pay for this meal. £60 for two grim courses and one coke each. Quite a lot for below average pub grub. The surroundings of this beautiful hotel are severely let down by the low standard of the food. Sadly we won’t be back. On speaking to many people who seen we were at the hotel on Facebook we were shocked to read that so many of our friends had also had a similar experience at the Fife. Rather worrying that locals will not continue to eat here. Geared up for tourists but without the support of local people the place will be dead out of season. Pitty as it could be wonderful! Overall, a stunning Scottish hotel serving well below average...

Selling Picasso’s to publicity shy billionaire art collectors, sounds like a bit of a cushy number. We can however get a glimpse of the skill set required in Swiss gallery owners Iwan Wirth and Manuel Hauser’s diversification into the development of a UK based hospitality business. Or to be more accurate, several hospitality businesses. Their recent openings showcase an eclectic mix of art, honest food, comfortable beds and decent wines. One of them, the Fife Arms, the iconic flagship of the enterprise, encapsulates under its grey tiled roof, everything that is positive about Scottish hospitality, while transforming the provision of informal luxury accommodation into literally an art form.

Their hospitality experiment started with the acquisition of a farm in the rolling hills and apple orchards (now vineyards) of Somerset, near to the village of Bruton. Farm buildings have been converted into a 6 bed luxury gite (private chef to order), a spacious art gallery, cafe, bar, restaurant, and farm shop. Slightly confusingly, the venture sometimes goes by the name Hauser and Wirth, sometimes Art Farm, Durslade Farm Shop, and Roth Bar and Grill (design of the bar care of the descendants of conceptual artist Dieter Roth). In any event, last year I was fortunate to catch the last day of a magnificent display of works by the late Henry Moore in the farm gallery.

If the entirety of the Somerset collection could be conceptualised by Dieter as an Anne Redpath still life, flowers in vases, cups on the farmhouse table, the next development in the portfolio had Frank Auerbach charging into the room, trowel in hand, blending autumnal colour combinations using enough paint to cover the hull of the Royal Yacht Britannia.

I visited the Fife Arms in Braemar, a skip and a jump from Balmoral, in 2019 within a year of its opening. Having read the first Fife Arms reviews, as the co-owner of Hotel Les Deux Chèvres, a boutique art hotel in Burgundy, I had a professional excuse to satisfy my art appreciation curiosity. Frank’s bold brush strokes combined dollops of tartan, interspersed with stags heads, a stuffed Queen Victoria, Picasso’s, Freuds, and 1,500 odd other works of interest all under the roof of a magnificently converted 45 bedroom former Victorian coaching inn. For each room there were two staff, estimated conversion costs in excess of £20m, and the same again on the contents (not counting the Picasso and Freud). The integration of a local’s bar serving pies and pints, with the 5* luxury ground floor salons, is a design masterpiece in its own right.

And so to the latest offering, the re incarnation of a Mayfair pub, into a Mayfair pub, Mount St Restaurant, and rooms for private functions.

To be frank, after staying at the Fife Arms, the Audley pub and Mount St restaurant, would need to be an unmitigated disaster, before I would give it a negative review. Of course it is not. The bar is pleasant, the service on a busy evening good; the choice of beers, excellent. The restaurant, an interesting menu array of modern British, I have not yet sampled.

But why The Audley? For profit? Surely not. Had it been renamed the Fife Arms (London), a few stags heads and bucket loads of fine Scottish whiskies and langoustines imported, I would get it. But those are my brand musings, and probably better expressed elsewhere.

On the assumption there is a grand plan for the expansion of the Group’s hospitality interests, I await the next instalment with interest. And should they consider a French wine village, I have just the opportunity ready and waiting in Gevrey Chambertin! In the meantime, bravo, and thank you very much for the...