π³π± Dutch City Roast: Brutally Honest Travel Takes
1οΈβ£ Amsterdam (1-2 days) β Must-See The Dutch stereotype starter pack: Canals, museums, π shops, and red lights. Pros: Walkable, somehow smells okay, and has actual nightlife. Cons: Expensive AF (Lidl is your BFF). Bike lanes = death traps. Museums sell out weeks ahead (RIP spontaneity). Yes, those leaning houses are supposed to look like that. 2οΈβ£ The Hague (2+ days) β¨ Classy Auntie Vibes Clean, elegant, and home to Girl with a Pearl Earring. Free serotonin: Stroll around Hofvijver Lake (better than therapy). Skip if: You think "Vermeer" is a car brand. 3οΈβ£ Rotterdam (Skip if Short on Time) ποΈ "Modern" architecture (but Shanghai does it better). Only go for: Sichuan food that almost tastes like home. 4οΈβ£ Zaanse Schans (2 hrs) πͺοΈ Windmill overdose + perfect for that "I β₯ Holland" Instagram shot. Secret gem: The tiny clock museum (weirdly charming). 5οΈβ£ Giethoorn (Wallet Warning) πΈ Far, weather-dependent, and not worth the hype vs. Zaanse. 6οΈβ£ Utrecht (Underrated Gem!) π° Medieval meets hipster: Climb the Dom Tower, picnic by canals. Pro move: Pretend De Haar Castle is your summer home. 7οΈβ£ Keukenhof Tulips (π· or Meh?) Itβs... a very nice flower park. Manage expectations. #NetherlandsTravel #SavageGuide #SkipTheTouristTraps #AmsterdamVsTheHague #DutchRealityCheck ππ·