Kines — Restaurant in Melbourne

My husband and I own a cafe, pub and a craft beer bottle shop in France, we have both worked in hospo for 17 years. My sister who was also with us comes from 20 years of Australian hospitality experience. I say this as I would hate anyone to hide behind the idea that my husband, sister and I come from an unsympathetic and/ or ignorant perspective. We all get it. We get the stress, we get the over demanding customers with agrivating orders, services that are highly charged and highly stressful, but Hell! There is a bloody limit. If you still have the same staff that we had the misfortune of interacting with then you are blind to her bad behaviour and evidently to the numerous, repetitive comment from customers. We were visiting Melbourne, my sister wanted us to try a different cafe as she said the one we just had coffee in was quite expensive and a bit boring compared to what is offered in Melbourne. Now! we had my niece with us, she was two, we had my French husband who has some food alergies and my sister wanted us to try a pretty typical menu. We find this place and go in to see what they offer. We walk in. We looked around to suss out the service style. We approche the counter ( do we order, do we sit, do we wait to be seated, is there a menu written big somewhere?) there was no staff besides the chick at the coffee machine, no one said hello when we entered, so we talk to her. 'Hi could we please see the menu ?' As we wanted to see if A. Child friendly stuff B. Husband friendly stuff C. The food choice we were after D. The dollars involved Barista chick 'er yeah, just take a seat...' Um.... but we probes need to see the menu before we get all settled in... so my lovely sister says 'sorry, Um, would it be possible if we could just quickly see the menu first please' DAGGER EYES! 'I said , take a seat' Errrrr so us, like sheep, crab walk off too the long communal table where she indicated us to go. We finally see the other waiter at the window counter! chatting to a customer, we had mistaken him for a customer when entering, walking past him, he hasn't moved since we have gotten there. We wait, standing , as we / really/ did want to see the menu before the whole service process got under way. If we sit and THEN leave we feel like it's even more uncomfortable, plus it really is a quite simple request. We eyeball each other. It's not even that busy. The chick behind the coffee machine comes over to us after about 5 minutes of standing up. I dont think she liked that we didnt Take That Seat. She comes over with????? Water and glasses!!!! .................théy are steins, she has them by the handles and as she puts them down on the table we were just looking at each other 'sorry could we /just/ see the menu first please???' she pulled the most blank death face and didn't even answer us. she just lets the stines flomp-topple out onto the table from her finger and goes and gets The Menu and puts it on the table with an attitude of utter disbelief at out audacity, with a heavy anger gravity dragging her shoulder away from her head. She turned on her heels and went back to the coffee machine. We all look at each other. F this! Justbloody hell! SO RUDE! We never even looked at the menu. We got out of there. There needs to be a serious rethink of customer service at your place.

P.s even the other customers seemed a bit rude. Everyone gets looked up and down on walking...

FIVE STARS! Melbourne do not miss the opportunity to participate in what can only be described as art in motion. Be sure not to take things at face value and look deeper and see what a wonderful dance of oddity is happening all around you as you sit within the piece. Staff treat you as the stranger you are upon entering and you are forced to navigate the space looking for meaning. Am I meant to eat here? Is this a comment on cafe culture? Is this a menu? Is that the menu? Like, Thats the whole menu? But DONT think too long and just order one of the home style toasted sandwiches (probably a smart move not to have the staff act and cook at the same time, I bet it would just be an OH and S nightmare to do anything like a standard cafe would) but you're not there to eat, you there to experience the piece. Look at that wonderfully styled couple over there! Omg what a look! It can't help but be studied and appreciated or is that the cutest dog you have ever seen? Has the designer of the space exclusively styled this with brunswick and coburg's famous hard rubbish? (I bet that would be good with grants!) what a whirlwind of wonderful delightful things and the food arrives or does it? Is this it? I think this had something? No? Oh ok well thats fine I'll have this its ok. Everybody seems flustered but it's lovely to have the food. Then MORE LOVELY PEOPLE and more lovely dogs. The music is delightful and inviting and another few people enter the interactive part of the piece and you see them experience the staff's commitment to character. Like a gregg araki film come to life.

Personally, after leaving, a friend commented that she had a friend that had seen the piece some months ago and there may have been different adaptations over time so make sure to pop in now and again to see if something new is going on! How isn't this a part of...

Despite being advertised as open till 3, the first time I arrived at KINES I was turned away at 2.45 and told that the kitchen was closed. Assuming that they must be very financially stable I decided to give them a try another day.

I returned today, ordered an oat coffee—pointing to a porcelain cup—and a kimchi toastie (with an extra crispy egg as I’m not a fan of runny yolk).

To my suprise my coffee arrived in a glass. Was I misheard or ignored? Nevertheless the coffee was well balanced and enjoyable.

My toastie arrived— kimchi that in itself was an experience. Tangy, spicy and revitalising . Unfortunately my second request was also ignored, receiving a runny fried egg in my sandwich. Not the end of the world but not the point. Simple requests not being understood at the POS and efficiently communicated to the other staff.

An unrestrained child outside who must aspire to be a percussionist managed to drown out the ambient Tangerine Dream with his slamming of porcelain cups on saucers (at least he got his). As a business owner I feel it’s within your right to request the Birkenstock-and-sock-wearing parents keep their kid in check to maintain the sanity and serenity of their other customers—and also to prevent any unnecessary...