Want to see your dog reduced to eating leaves like some sort of animal? This is the place for you. It’s fair to say the guys at Zuvial aren’t exactly “dog people”. But I wonder if you could even describe them as “people people”? Not if your party of four asks for more than two wine glasses, at least. But this is just a taste of the inhuman treatment you can expect; with the stunning, wild vistas behind you, you can’t help but feel you’d be happier in the car park cooking up your beans on a camp stove. I should interrupt myself to point out the positives: the wine (white) tasted nice, and the fisherman’s smorgasbord was at least the sum of its parts. The good times end there though, I’m afraid to say. Working our way through our limp noodles was made twice as difficult with the cries of our abandoned dog echoing around the restaurant, and the clams were accompanied with a side of unwarranted judgement, as the waiter blamed us for prematurely eating the bread that was supposed to soak up the clam juice - despite this alleged transgression taking place before said clams were ordered.

Without wanting to lose any more of my time to this establishment, suffice to say if you’re hungry in this neck of the woods, walk ten minutes to O Sebastiao and find out how fish is supposed to taste.

There’s always a good donut in a bakers dozen, so let’s end with a well deserved hand for the slightly-more-friendly waiter who showed impressive strength and balance in clearing our table in a single trip. Obrigado