Restaurant Las dos Lunas — Restaurant in Sant Antoni de Portmany

If you’re looking for chaos served with a side of disappointment, Las Dos Lunas in Ibiza is the place for you.

The service was a comedy of errors and nobody at the table was laughing. Our waitress couldn’t speak English, which is not a big problem but then get someone to assist knowingbthat we're all english spealing. This turned even the simplest requests into a game of broken telephone.

We asked for two bowls for the gazpacho already on the table; she proudly brought out a whole new gazpacho. Champagne for two people? She generously poured it for the entire table, despite the fact that everyone else already had full drinks. Warm champagne in Ibiza? Lovely touch.

Then came the dessert drink debacle. I specifically asked for it without alcohol. Naturally, it arrived with alcohol. When I pointed this out, instead of fixing the mistake, the waitress brushed it off with the kind of indifference you only get from a place that truly does not care, suggesting another drink “wouldn’t be bad.” Yes, because ordering something wrong and dismissing the customer is apparently their house specialty.

The food? Inconsistent at best. My dish was actually delicious but unfortunately, I was the lucky one. Everyone else at the table described their meals as bland and forgettable, which is impressive given the reputation and prices this restaurant commands.

The music was a chaotic shuffle from 80s hits to pop to Christmas jingles, like a drunk DJ let loose on Spotify. If the goal was to confuse diners into distraction, mission accomplished.

Honestly, the only truly enjoyable part of this restaurant was the toilets. Great air conditioning, blessed relief, and frankly, a more coherent experience than what was happening outside.

In short, Las Dos Lunas is a brightly coloured kitsch circus where good food and decent service are clearly not a priority. If you’re after overpriced chaos with a soundtrack from every decade imaginable, this is your spot. Otherwise, Ibiza has far...

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