The Engineer Pub and Restaurant — Restaurant in St Albans

A stylish little place hidden away, a small car park, but plenty of places in roads nearby.

Unfortunately, it's child-friendly. Consequently there's a little gate in the garden with a sign on it saying something along the lines of:

'Children, do not play with this gate. It is not a toy.'

This strikes me as a tiny bit unimaginative, especially as the table by the pond has a name, instead of a number: 'The table by the pond'. Quirky.

Anyway, that gate sign was bothering me. How about a rewrite? Let's come up with something better between us. Something along the lines of:

'Children, if you so much as even LOOK at this gate, two puppies will die immediately. Maybe three. Want that on your conscience do you? STEP BACK FROM THE GATE.'

Way off there. Too long as well. How about:

'This is Harpenden's global warming gate. Play with it if you want. However, if you do, an extremely angry polar bear will turf up at your house tomorrow and eat your Xbox.'

No. That's not right. Just as long too. Let's try again:

'Spider Gate. Do not touch or the spiders will escape and get you. When you're asleep.'

No that's rubbish. Here:

'Hello child. I am gate. Help yourself. Play away. Knock yourself out. But what will I want in return? YOUR PARENT'S SOULS.'

A bit too hard-core. Maybe. How about...

'I am a poor old gate. Please don't play with me. It hurts. It causes me pain. Do you know what pain is? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? You will KNOW pain. STEP AWAY NOW. You CANNOT take the pain.'

Bloody heck. No. We don't want to destroy these children.

One last go...

'Hey! Children! Leave this gate alone. All in all, it's just another gate in the wall....'

Hopeless. I hate that stupid song as well. This is just a thought any way.

Have you...

I am absolutely appalled by my recent experience with The Engineer. While Martin is a shining example of professionalism, the same cannot be said for the director, Peter, whose blatant disregard for customers is nothing short of shameful.

I had planned to hire the covered garden for my 21st birthday, immediately paid the £150 hire fee to secure the date and submitted a completed booking form. Despite adhering to their stated hire policy which explicitly stated, "Provisional bookings can be held for 7 days; to confirm a booking we ask for a non-refundable deposit of 50% of the room hire and a completed booking form" my booking was blatantly ignored.

The date I secured was given instead to a so-called "friend of the business," who hadn’t paid a deposit or completed the required booking form. In fact, this person had been unresponsive since January, and yet, their unconfirmed and incomplete booking was prioritised over mine.

This is not just unprofessional it’s a complete mockery of the very policies the business claims to uphold. The blatant favoritism and disregard for paying customers are absolutely disgraceful.

If you’re considering The Engineer for a function, think twice. Their management’s actions show they have zero respect for customers, no matter how much effort you make to follow their rules. This experience is incredibly disappointing and I will not be recommending this...

Maybe I am old school, but I know what I like in a pub .... First - Clean, and welcoming. If it's grubby or too bright and clinical I am not sure I like it. The Engineer is clean and still feels like a proper pub. Second - the beer. I want to see a range of lagers and bitters. I don't really care if it doesn't include my favourites - that's not the point. I can always find a bitter here for me and lager for my less cultured friends. Third - The customers. I like a pub with atmosphere. Yes, this pub shows all the sport, yet it also has the main bar and a family friendly conservatory/restaurant. Children aren't permitted in the Main or Sports bar ..for me that works out fine. They are welcomed in the garden or the conservatory. Next - food. Over the last few years I have eaten here a fair few times... With friends, my young family, and people I know through work. 100% perfect? No. But I always left happy enough as the staff sorted out any minor niggles. Last - staff. Nice people, who certainly appear to appreciate where they work, and want it to be good.

I also believe the Tuesday night quiz is really good and, again, has a really nice - competitive but fun...