Woodstock Coffee Shop — Restaurant in Tonbridge and Malling

Rolled into Woodstock ( unironically named after 99 not 69, let that set the tone for what's to come. ) for a quick takeaway breakfast, and my wallet’s still in therapy. £20 for two sausage sandwiches and two coffees? That’s not a meal, that’s a mortgage payment, Nearly had to klarna it. Takeaway, mind you—no table service, no vibes, just me left to juggle my order in my bare hands no bag or cup holder.

The real star of the show was the sandwich pulling a full-on Houdini. One minute, it’s a sandwich; the next, I’m holding a deconstructed sausage catastrophe. Bread crumbs flying, sausage slices staging a breakout—honestly, it was a magic trick worth a standing ovation. If I’d known I was getting a culinary cabaret, I might’ve tipped for the performance alone.

Speaking of tips, they had the cheek to nudge me for one at the card machine. A tip? For what? Directing this desaster of a sandwich circus? You’re joking, right? I’m out here playing sausage Jenga for £20, and you want extra? Take your card machine and your disappearing sandwich act...

Ordered a latte and asked for it specifically not to be too hot. It was scalding. This would have been OK had my cup not had leaked all in my car as the bottom was faulty, and over my trousers. I also ordered a latte and there was zero foam/steamed milk in there and literally just scalding milk and coffee. Seems I paid 75p extra for oat milk, I was rather disappointed. I took my coffee back into the shop and was given another cup to decant into. I told them there wasn't any foam in my latte and I was told 'I can only apologise'. Offering to rectify the drink would have been a nicer alternative.

On a positive note, the staff were really friendly and the toffee apple cake...

The Woodstock Coffee Shop is a true hidden gem just outside of Maidstone town centre!

Tucked away in a cozy corner, this coffee shop offers more than just a caffeine fix—it's a haven of warmth and community.

From the moment you step inside, you're greeted with the comforting aroma of freshly cooked food and brewed coffee

The staff are friendly and welcoming, adding a personal touch to every visit.

Whether you're grabbing your morning brew or unwinding with friends over a delicious hot meal, Woodstock Coffee Shop is the perfect retreat.

Don't miss out on this charming spot—it's a treasure waiting to...