Newportville Inn — Restaurant in Bristol Township

Title: "Boogers & Seaweed: An Unexpected Culinary Adventure at Newportville Inn Restaurant"

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5)

I recently had the "pleasure" of dining at Newportville Inn Restaurant, and let me tell you, it was a gastronomic experience like no other. From the moment I walked in, I knew I was in for a booger-themed treat!

Menu Madness (1/5): The menu was the size of a small novel, and not in a good way. It felt like I was reading "War and Peace" in search of a decent meal. There were so many choices that I began to suspect that the chef might be suffering from an identity crisis.

Food Faux Pas (1/5): The food was, without a doubt, the most unique part of the experience. I ordered a steak, but what arrived looked more like a leather shoe, expertly garnished with generous heaps of seaweed. Every dish seemed to come with an extra serving of dried kelp. I can only assume the chef is trying to get ahead of the next big trend: seaweed-infused booger cuisine.

Unwanted Companions (1/5): My evening was further spiced up by the unexpected guests who were sharing the dining area with us. Rodents and insects casually hung out everywhere, probably there to savor the booger-infused seaweed like the rest of us. It was like an avant-garde art installation titled "Bugs and Boogers: A Love Story."

Staff Shenanigans (1/5): As I glanced towards the kitchen, I couldn't help but notice the staff casually flinging boogers at the walls. It was like a bizarre modern art performance, an avant-garde interpretation of Jackson Pollock meets Gastrointestinal Expressionism. Who needs food critics when you have the staff creating booger masterpieces?

Decor Disaster (1/5): The decor was an eclectic mix of mismatched, grimy furnishings. I think they may have taken the term "shabby chic" a bit too literally. The stained, worn-out upholstery truly added to the unique ambience. Plus, the restroom was a showcase of booger-themed art, complete with tissue paper murals that celebrated the culinary experience.

Drink Dilemmas (1/5): The drinks were not to be outdone by the food. They garnished even their cocktails with seaweed, as if they were trying to create a seaweed-themed botanical garden in a glass. It's the only place where I've ordered a vodka soda and ended up with a "Sea Breeze" that tasted more like the actual sea.

In conclusion, Newportville Inn Restaurant is a one-of-a-kind establishment where the booger-obsessed chef, the endless menu, the uninvited critters, and the avant-garde staff antics all come together to create a dining experience that you'll never forget, even if you'd rather not remember it at all. If you're looking for a memorable night out, or at the very least, a reason to brag about your bizarre culinary escapades, this is the place to be. Just don't forget to BYOB - Bring Your...

This has been our 'go to' German restaurant for a number of years now. And I brag about it to anybody who will listen, that is why we were so disappointed last night. While the food was extraordinary, the service was awful. We were seated outside around 5:20 and the server took our order within a few minutes. At the time we asked for silverware and he acknowledged our request. When he brought our drinks, we reiterated the request for silverware. Nothing. The hot 'starters' arrived and sat on the table for close to 10 minutes before we finally received plates and utensils. It is frustrating to watch good food get cold. It was close to 6:45, when I went looking for our sever to follow up on our dinners. I found him inside and he nonchalantly told me the kitchen was backed up and went about his business. Nothing about following up or apologizing for the delay. What was frustrating was that I had to go find him when the other servers were all over their tables. Plus tables who were seated after we ordered were getting their checks, while we were still waiting to eat. When the food came, few minutes later, it was hot, fresh and very good. Saved the night. I hope the next...

We drove over an hour to try this German restaurant. We didn't realize until after we ordered our drinks that the air conditioning wasn't working! A restaurant should be honest and warn customers before seating them!! There's no way they didn't know, since as soon as we mentioned it to the waiter, he admitted it was very hot in there. If we had been told, we would've tried it another night and possibly had a much better experience. It was so hot it was claustrophobic. (We should've just left...but again, we had driven so far.) We finally asked a bus-girl to open the windows. As it was, we were literally dripping with sweat by the time dinner arrived. I could only eat half of my dinner because I was so uncomfortable. What a shame! And even after we complained to the waiter, no manager came to our table. Very poor customer service, in my opinion. Other customers around us were all discussing how uncomfortably hot it was too. I welcome a manager...