Danish author Hans Christian Andersen, described in his folktale "The Emperor's New Clothes" very well how I felt when I visited the so-called Teshima Art Museum.

Here's the folktale: an emperor with an obsession for fancy clothes, receives two con-men posing as tailors. The con-men offer to supply the emperor with magnificent clothes that are invisible to those who are incompetent or stupid. The emperor hires the posing tailors, and they pretend to go to work. When the emperor's court councillors visit the posing tailors to check their progress, they notice that the con-men had not done any tailoring at all. Nevertheless, the con-men pretend to display their invisible dresses to the councillors. To avoid being thought as fools, the emperor's men play along and pretend they see the invisible clothes and congratulate the con-men on how amazing their tailoring was.

A few days later, the con-men claim having finished the emperor's suit and mime dressing the emperor with the invisible clothes. Fully dressed (naked) the emperor then sets off in a procession before the whole city. The townsfolk uncomfortably go along with the pretense, not wanting to appear inept or stupid, until a child blurts out that the emperor is naked and is not wearing anything at all. The people then realize that everyone has been fooled.

The Teshima Art Museum is a good hustle. It's not a museum, it's a wet, man-made cave half buried into the ground with two holes in its ceiling and water droplets pouring out of some pores on the floor - admittedly it's a nice cave, but it's still a wet cave, not a museum.

Also, you are not allowed to enter the cave unless you put some plastic shoe covers on, with the small added detail that you don't get to put them over your shoes, but have to take off your shoes and put the shoe covers over your socks. I came to see an art reunion and felt I joined a hygienic hippie reunion!

There's only one taxi on the entire island and the driver is as flexible as a Swiss municipal office administrator - he makes the Swiss look understanding, emotional, warm hearted and charming. Whilst there is a bus shuttle, a local mobility genius opted to establish the bus stop a 15 minutes uphill walk away from the museum. That is brilliant planning. So unless you want to engage in a 60 minutes walk from the Naoshima ferry terminal to the so-called museum, you have to take a bike.

And don't think you can walk into the cave 30 minutes ahead of the scheduled time slot on your ticket, as the receptionist will likely tell you that all slots are full. Mind you, the cave is only 40m long by 60m wide and I counted some 20 people in the slot prior to mine. So, the term "full" is a relative concept on the Island of Teshima. I later noticed, that they only had space for 20 shoes in the shoe rack just outside the cave which seems to have been the limiting factor to the slot capacity. Straight out of a Monty Python movie!

To add insult to injury if you do decide to talk to some fellow visitors - like I did to an elderly couple from Holland on their bikes - you get to hear things like it was the third time they came all the way from Holland and always have had the experience of their lives. That's when I told the Dutch to ride back to Holland on their bikes and started searching the hidden camera expecting somebody to jump out of the bushes telling me this was all a prank.

Don't go, "the emperor is naked". If you really don't like somebody, tell him how great an experience you had at the Teshima Art Museum and send them there. Tell them not to buy tickets in advance, walk to the museum from the ferry terminal and speak to some fellow museum visitors. That will reignite your friendship like nothing else ever will.

N.B: The photo of the cave is from the web-site Benesse Art Site Naoshima - for obvious reasons you are not allowed to take pictures. Shout-out to Teshima: leave people some dignity and allow them to leave their shoes on!