🇺🇸 The Mystery of Detroit’s Missing Travel Guides

When I searched for "Detroit travel tips" online, I expected a flood of Instagrammable hotspots and hidden gems. Instead? Crickets. At first, I thought my WiFi was broken—but no, this city genuinely seems to defy tourism content creation. 🕵️‍♂️ The Case of the Vanishing Highlights I’ve been to sleepy towns before, but Detroit is in a league of its own. Even Portland (where I once counted 17 hipster coffee shops on a single block) and Seattle (where people line up to stare at a giant metal shrimp) felt like Vegas compared to this. My ambitious plan to "explore" dissolved into: 1️⃣ Walking past the same abandoned building three times (was it art? urban decay? jury’s out). 2️⃣ Eating a $12 airport sandwich that tasted like regret and mayonnaise. 3️⃣ Counting sidewalk cracks (personal record: 87 in 10 minutes). 🚂 Why Detroit Hates Tourists The city seems allergic to classic tourist traps. Where’s the: Overpriced souvenir shop selling "I ❤️ DETROIT" hats? Nowhere. "World’s Largest" random object (a giant tire? A bronze statue of Kid Rock’s microphone?)? Nada. TikTok-famous dessert spot with rainbow bagels? Just a sad Dunkin’ Donuts. Even the riverfront view of Canada—the one thing every blog mentions—was whelming. ("Oh look, Windsor’s... existing over there.") 💡 Silver Linings Playbook 1️⃣ People Mover: The dinky little train is kinda charming (like a Disney ride, if Disney ran out of money). 2️⃣ Street Art: Some murals were cool—until I realized they were probably just old ads for car parts. 3️⃣ Self-Reflection Time: With zero distractions, I finally answered emails I’d ignored for months. 🚆 Final Verdict Detroit isn’t a bad city—it’s just... not a tourist city. It’s like going to your accountant’s office for "fun." Would I return? Maybe if: They invent a Detroit-themed escape room (clues: find the one open restaurant). Canada builds a slide from Windsor to downtown ("Whee! Now this is tourism!"). #DetroitOrBust #LowExpectationsHighIrony 🏙️🔍