Vain in Versailles Bistro — Restaurant in Ottawa

Befitting its name, “Vain in Versailles” is all show and no substance. I had high-hopes but unfortunately, the negative reviews feel more accurate. To start, the highway robbery version of bread and butter will set the pace in the parade of misfit dishes that have little to do with a French bistro. Imagine a tapestry of thin slices of cornbread that taste like the ghost of a side dish and a single, lonely tablespoon of butter to share for 4 people. An unconventional bread choice for French and $20+ with the extra butter up-charge. I’m certain we heard the “chef” yelling “let them eat cake” from the kitchen. The cocktails were gimmicky -uninspired and priced to fool. The wine list was equally underwhelming, reading like a clearance rack of discount bottles. Les Jamelles for $67? Hmmm. No real beer choices to speak about. For appetizers you’ll have a range of almost all vegan fare. Soup, gluggy and luke warm, was over seasoned but lacked flavour somehow. The fried oyster mushrooms were the one stand out dish of the night - but would perhaps slightly disappoint a discerned palate. The “risotto” main arrived as a confused and bland tomato-rice soup that we lovingly named risouppo. Why? Hats off to the chef for delivering the unexpected…yet uncalled for. What’s next? Gnocchi…the timeless Parisian classic, straight out of the streets of… Rome. Another bold move on a French menu that did not impress. The stuffed chicken was Sahara-level dry, desperately craving moisture. The off-menu ‘special’ Croque Monsieur with brisket did impress one diner at our table (for some reason the brisket was unavailable at 6 p.m.). The only highlight was the excellent service; the staff was attentive and far more competent than the kitchen deserved. $100+ per person (with alcohol). Final Verdict: 3/10. My advice to the owner is pivot on the menu fast or rebrand to fit the menu (i.e. not French cuisine). I would give this place another chance but not with the current menu. Sorry guys!

Addition in response to owner:

Frankly, I found your reply quite shocking. Not for its defense of the kitchen, but for its sheer theatrics. Let’s be clear: my review wasn't a hit piece, it was a reality check wrapped in satire. I dined, I paid, I reviewed. That's the contract. A restaurant named Vain in Versailles practically begs for theatricality; I merely accepted the invitation. If the chef can send out what appeared to my group was a cornbread appetizer and call it French, surely I can label tomato-rice soup “risouppo” and call it a public service.

Your response frames my review as an act of bullying. That term loses its meaning when applied to a dinner critique. I did not enter your establishment to harm, I entered hungry. What followed was a cascade of culinary confusion that I had every right to describe.

And now, the twist: in your phone call to me, you acknowledged what my “debased” remarks suggested, namely, that change was overdue. You admitted the chicken is now cooked sous vide to avoid the parched desert landscape we and others endured. The "risotto" has quietly exited stage left. Even Les Jamelles, once the star of your clearance-rack wine list, has been shown the door. If that’s not an affirmation of my critique, I don’t know what is.

You accuse me of cruelty, but let’s unpack that. I praised your staff. I noted some highlights. I offered a suggestion. I even said I’d return should you pivot on the menu. That’s not cruelty Madame. That’s hope, barely hanging on.

So let us not confuse showmanship with malice. My review had bite because the food...

I could give the ok for this place to a foodie who wants to try new things and appreciates the ambience of a location, but who is also patient with the unexpected. We were really excited to try this gluten-free spot for brunch. The place is cute but not fancy enough to add gratuity to your bill. Portions are small and prices are high. So you are paying for how pretty the place looks and how pretty the plates and dishes look; they are beautiful actually. But I had higher expectations re the flavour profile, considering the prices. The menu is not extensive and a few items were not available, including lattes, so that wasn't ideal. Check the menu before going because the items are a bit different from the standard brunch staples you may be expecting. There's a problem with the heating as the restaurant was very cold but seems like the bathroom kept all the heat instead. Otherwise the decor is colourful and cute, with French music playing in the background, with a nice little transformative effect. Service was very sweet and kind but we did feel a bit rushed, perhaps because the lovely individual was running the show on her own. I applaud the gluten-free dedication but there are some things that need to be ironed out for the place to become as fancy as it aspires to be, and hopefully that...

I wanted to like this place and attended with a large group. I knew that VIV is gluten free so my expectations were high for things like their Brioche bread but it was as dry and tasteless as any rice floured bread I’ve ever had. Most of the food was bland and some dishes like the bean Cassoulet could have been out of a can. Most enjoyed the beet salad and the flavour of the Crozets was interesting but the pasta was over cooked. Sadly most of us were enticed by the wood fired tandoori oven from the restaurant next door that made us want to switch restaurants! Perhaps not a good combo for non vegetarian/GF foodies to be smelling tandoori chicken and naan? The servers were extremely friendly and the great company still made the experience fun. However, we all left hungry and unfortunately the restaurant next door was closed! Sorry VIV…despite your motto, ‘….enjoy every bite or tell us kindly if not’, that’s the best I can do! With a bill approaching $300 for 2 (admittedly that included a bottle of their cheapest wine at $60, and a couple of cocktails) this was not a cheap outing and considering how many amazing restaurants there are in Ottawa, we...