Little John Inn — Restaurant in Gedling

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

By Royal Decree, I declare this establishment—John’s Little Inn and Bar and Restaurant—a place of untold majesty and sorcery.

Upon thine glowing box known to peasants as “Goo-gull Maps,” I did spy the sigil of this humble hall, and verily, my retinue (a lad named Dave who drives what he calls a “Honda”) did ferry me hither in his mechanical chariot of steel and windless propulsion. It moves without horses. Sorcery. 5 stars already.

Upon entering the tavern, I was greeted by a fine stewardess—Lady Mirandella, fair of face and swift of foot—who bore me to a table with no feast upon it, and yet, moments later, food appeared. I asked her what wizardry this be, and she laughed—oh, such music! Later, she told me her name was Mildreth.

I requested a flagon of ale, and lo, they brought me a “pint of IPA”, which, I presume, stands for Imperial Potion of Ale. ‘Twas bitter, and noble, and it made me forget the Hundred Years’ War entirely. My squire (a small glass rectangle that shows me pictures of cats) took a photo of me mid-quaff.

The menu! O, the menu! Laminated scrolls with options aplenty! I did order a burger—a round meat pie betwixt two halves of sweetened bread, accompanied by “French fries,” which are not, in truth, from France. Heresy, but delicious. My new best friend Jestina of the Ketchup Isles (formerly Lady Mirandella, nee Mildreth) recommended it.

By Saint Cuthbert’s collarbone, the “nachos” were divine! Triangular wafers of maize, drowned in cheese hotter than dragon spit. Weep I did, with joy, for never in all of Christendom did I taste such splendor. I offered a trade of three goats and a small holding in East Anglia, but they refused politely.

And the music! Invisible minstrels played from a ceiling box. How they fit up there, I know not. ’Tis surely witchcraft or perhaps devilry, but the songs slap, as the barkeep—Sir Blake, Keeper of the Ice Buckets—declared.

I attempted to knight Mildagast the Third (she had changed her name again, the vixen), but she refused the sword with the grace of a courtier. An honor undeserved, surely.

I know not how long I stayed—time is irrelevant to kings—but as I left, I attempted to summon my steed by yelling “Uber!” into the night. A chariot came regardless. More sorcery.

In conclusion: John’s Little Inn and Bar and Restaurant is a place of wonder, feasting, and magic. I shall return henceforth every fortnight until my coin purse doth empty or I am slain in battle. Whichever comes first.

Long live the fry cooks. God save the bartender. May the ketchup packets never burst in thy pouch.

Signed, His Royal Majesty, King Lionel the Bewildered of House...

Atrocious service! Shocking food. Where do i start? 25 people for xmas dinner…. 2k spent by the whole party.

They made a mess of the timings by 1 hour at least. The tables were cramped, we were shoved in like animals. The service was also awful. They served food with missing items i.e. no sauces on the table (mint/apple sauce/cranberry) with our dinner and the plates of undercooked leeks were late.

We were missing Yorkshires and apparently they don't serve these with the turkey, but the menu states beef or turkey with all the trimmings.

Additionally the tables were left with glasses on all night long. We were also missing items such as petit fours and the mince pies were out of a packet would you believe, the cheapest ones. Would you expect this for 80pp(adult)? Tea & coffee was served with no tea spoons and saucers, we used knifes to remove the tea bag and mix the sugar. The roast potatoes tasted stale and old, they were awful as was the quality of the potato's used.

The rude lady serving us couldn't muster an apology all night, they were just happy to take our money. There was also no butter with bread for starter, such as soup. The menu stated roast beef and horse radish yorkshire for appetisers, but it was minced beef! Shocking robbing liars!

The place was over crowded and maybe a few did enjoy it but most didn’t. Maybe they are under staffed it seems or alternatively just poor management.

I would never go here again and wouldn’t recommend, it was truly shocking. Its also worth noting that the table was booked for 4pm and we arrived at 3.20, we had our dinner at 5.40(main) and left at 7.30 due to delays between meals and the 1st failed attempt at seating us, which further indicates towards bad management. It did ruin the Christmas dinner for most and I hope someone decent takes over and the head chef needs sacking along with a review of the management of waiters/staff.

In response to the comments below, the 5 Yorkshires you bought out were inedible, cold and cremated.

Serving butter with the bread for the soup is basics, you would find this in restaurants serving a higher quality food then your selves, as for the mention of a school canteen your toilets mirror that of a public toilet in a council park, you should maybe self...

Shocking service!! & Came away feeling disgusted. Big table of 16x of us took a while for them all to come out, first person had finished before last one got theirs... we had pre ordered too!! Sunday dinner was just OK... hardly any vegetables . .. 3 measly carrots and spoonful of cabbage, stuffing was missing then they brought us out cold stuffing. We had a few other issues too. Explained problems to lady at front of house just to let them know...who said don't worry "we will sort your desserts out for you" I thought oh nice of them.. told everyone they was offering free puddings to make up for it all. About 10x of us had puddings. To then receive the bill and she's given us 1x for free the cheapest. Wow surely this was an error I thought. Said to lady this is surely wrong as my understanding was "we will sort out your puddings" means free puddings. Anyway she made me feel absolutely disgusted by arguing with me in front of everyone over the puddings. I said she should of been clearer at the start then and said 1x free pudding (Which would of been an insult)- her fault not mine. We had 4x puddings as takeaway and these were taken back!! I dont think she was aware 1x of the takeaway puddings had been touched. In the end after me explaining she should of been more clearer at the start of our conversation. I said I wasn't paying for the puddings going by what she said we will sort your puddings put for you ... she then came back and said the chef said he would take the puddings off the bills... too right! You said we will sort your puddings out. AFTER ALL THIS COMOTION. & taking back the takeaway puddings!! Which was the cherry on the cake - shocked is an understatement. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from her and will never step foot in this pub again. Sorry its long! But felt like you all needed to hear the full story if you have issues in future I just hope the lady is now CLEAR with...