Green Things — Local services in Four Corners States

It seems like every week something new happens in pop culture or politics that makes us question our sanity and it seems like every week is another week where I try to convince myself to become a crazy mountain man. Living off the land, enjoying nature’s majesty, taming mountain lions, eating desert squirrels and lizards, coming back to town just to scare some locals, have Taco Bell and use indoor plumbing once a month. But those dreams fizzle over and over because it’s just too darn hot and I really enjoy electricity and spotify. If escaping the matrix means getting rid of wifi and bluetooth right before the sexy robot revolution become a thing, you’ll find me in the corner chugging a bottle of blue pills with a gallon of hard seltzer. Don’t even go there. But that being said, I guess the best baby steps to consider would be just bringing nature to me.

I had to make sure to specify I was looking for a plant nursery on google and not a human baby nursery because I’m not in the market for a kid. Plants are way less needy. Listen, they’re less expensive, provide oxygen, bear fruit, don’t waste time growing up, don’t judge your music taste, don’t gaslight you, don’t tell you about your ex-wife’s new boyfriend, don’t poop everywhere, don’t steal your car, don’t get face tattoos and don’t ask to borrow money they’ll never pay back. If I could pour water on a child once a day and it didn’t bother me or ask for money and just gave me strawberries and minded it’s business while just being a vibe, I would have lots of kids. Like all the kids. People would be like “dude, what nursery did you go to to get all these awesome kids around your house” and I would laugh and gatekeep for years. Plants are rad. I wanted to get some to offset the horrible oxygen quality in my room due to vaping and body odor but I also wanted something as an extension of my personality. Like a venus fly trap, an angry papaya or a succulent with attitude. So when I looked up a plant nursery near me, I found “Green Things”. What a name. Straight to the point. Right to business. I was hoping they’re website stated “Ya lookin for some green things? We got your green things right here, baby. And we’re not talkin about Kermit’s kermie, Hulk’s Smash Unit or Green Latern’s….lantern. We’re talkin plants, baby girl! We got all of those green photosynthesizers up in here”. But unfortunately it was just a simple, informative website showcasing plants.

So when I arrived at this beautiful, sprawling acreage of green things, I was taken aback at the setup. The small front building with all the potteries and keepsakes and outside of that, rows of greenhouses intersected with pathways gridded out with colorful plants galore. What a wonderland of foliage. I didn’t know where to begin so I just started strolling. There I was walking through Oleander hedges and Tangerine Crossvines when I stumbled across a bohemian hottie with blonde hair, glasses, non-skipper of leg day and new birkenstocks. She was looking through some colorful coneflowers when I had to make my move. I leaned over next to her and said “Ah, a fellow coneflower lover I see. Do you know what the funny latin name is for this one?” “You mean the genus and species?” I had no idea what she was talking about but I had to sound smart. “Yes, this is I believe Nutella Zendaya”. She just stared at me. “No sorry…Volvo Dracarus”. She stared again and then said “can you leave me alone please” and then put some airpods in. I slowly started walking away and said something about her armpit hair having more flowers than this place hoping she would hear. In the midst of my disappointment and calling myself ‘stupid’ over and over again, I realized that I forgot I had reallllly bad allergies and part of the reason she wanted me to leave her alone was because I had snot dripping out of my right nostril and my eyes were redder than a communist tomato. I drove home without a new foliage friend, but i’ll be back covered in saran wrap in no...

As a long-time Mesquite customer, I decided to try out Green Things for the lower prices. What happened this Morning was bizarrely disappointing.

As I walked into the cashier area, a Manager with a rather severe napoleon complex was barking commands at a visibly uncomfortable and fearful staff. He then proceeded to make fun of me in front of everyone for pronouncing Azomite incorrectly. I am new to succulents and still learning, so my most sincere apologies for not having my PhD in Horticulture. He also did not appear to know that Azomite is made of volcanic ash when he replied - dripping with sarcasm - 'No, I don't have volcanic ash' They do carry Azomite, but I had to take more time out of my busy day to wait through his weird little mind game in order to get it.

Additionally, no help was offered to carry a bag of heavy soil. On the long, back-breaking walk to my car, I noticed that most of the outdoor plants for sale looked dirty and unkept, like they were poached from the Desert.

I should have just walked out as soon as Lord Farquaad started his tantrum over the mispronounced word. Needless to say, we're gonna pass up Green Dictatorship for now on and stay with Mesquite as they are highly recommended for their customer service, professionalism, better quality plants and knowledgeable staff. Furthermore, it looks like the winner for our big upcoming landscape project is also going to...

Since composting/vermi-composting has become so popular over the last few years.. I have to write a review about their coco coir.

Started a worm bin and everybodyyyy recommends buying blocks on Amazon. Just as I was about to pull the trigger for $25 which included two bricks.. I saw Green Things was open on Sundays and I KNEW they’d have them.

Well.. asked the cashier way in the back (who was VERY sweet by the way!) if they had some. He brings me right over to it and when I asked how much the GIANT bricks were.. I was shocked when he said $15 lolol. I made him repeat it because I thought he said $50 🤣

I’ve been looking for weeks for a good deal on them and just had a feeling they were cheaper somewhere locally. Sure enough!!!

I recommend everyone starts a worm bin ♥️ And you should definitelyyyy make Green Things your first stop for supplies!!! Everything else you can pretty much get from your home (boxes, coffee grounds, veggie scraps, etc.) and Inch by Inch not too far has wormies.

10/10 recommend Green Things! Never once regretted a single product I’ve ever gotten from them. Just sad that I used to live right next door and moved across town 😭 I’ll just make sure to buy in bulk from now on because you can beat their quality and cost!...