Useless Creatures Brewing Company — Local services in Three Rivers

So proud to have this fantastic establishment in my hometown. I confess that I crave a wagyu Stamos Smashburger and Cherry Cider on a regular basis. It doesn't help that I have a mad crush on John Stamos, though I felt his acting in Full House was derivative and lacked nuance. His work as Blackie Parish was just another pretty face. I preferred Dr. Noah Drake. That being said, you should see John drum, but I digress. My inspiration for this review is a recent discovery. I finally tried the cheesecake.

The chalkboard read "Rhubarb Strudel Cheesecake." It was calling to me, screaming at me, in fact. I've been avoiding their rotating flavors of homemade cheesecake for fear that I'd like it too much and develop an addiction impossible for someone with my lack of self control to manage. So that happened. It's all I can think about. It was the best cheesecake I've ever had. I would know.

Unbeknownst to my parents, I used my lunch money at TRHS, "Go Class of '86," to eat cheesecake and Spree on any given school day for four years. I loved cheesecake back when I was on better terms with my metabolism and consistently weighed in at 98lbs. I've tried it everywhere. I make my own, which I thought was pat-my-own-back excellent. There's no longer a point. This is the only cheesecake I want. It's dangerously good. It is the baseline against which all other cheesecakes should be judged...1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Useless Creatures.

If you see me slowly cruising through downtown Three Rivers past Useless Creatures around dusk in my dad's rickety old Suburban, straw and mulch dangling from the back, I'm probably casing the joint for cheesecake. You should go get some if there's any left.

Why are you still sitting there...

At the heart of Three Rivers, Useless Creatures Brewing Company stands as a sanctuary for the senses, a place where culinary and brewing arts converge. As a connoisseur of the darker brews, I was thoroughly impressed by their 'Something Omnia Stout' — a liquid ode to the stout lineage, each sip rich with the promise of roasted perfection.'For British Eyes Only' Brown Ale was another standout, its melody of malts playing a symphony of deep, complex notes that resonated beautifully with the evening's meal. And the Wheel Ale spun its own tale of refreshment, crisp and effervescent, cleansing the palate with every delightful draught.The Mushroom Smash Burger was a feat of flavor, with its crispy-edged patty and savory mushrooms creating a dance of umami on the tongue. Anastasia’s choice, the French Onion Grilled Cheese, was an ingenious twist on tradition, its cheesy, onion-laden soul mimicking the heartwarming soup it's inspired by. The fried artichoke hearts, accompanied by the heavenly feta dip, brought a touch of Mediterranean magic to Michigan.Our visit to Useless Creatures Brewing Company was a journey through taste and craftsmanship, where each plate and pint told its own passionate story. It was an evening where each stout and ale was not just tasted but felt, leaving an indelible mark on our memories. Cheers to this bastion of flavor, where the beer is bold and the bites...

Great vibe with tasty and varied beer and entrée options! I fully enjoyed their Asian crispy chicken sandwich with perfect waffle fries (or level up with truffle fries) and the cinnamon dessert pretzel was big and fluffy - served with a cream cheese frosting. For my friends that are GF, they offered GF buns and grilled the chicken instead and it was still rave-worthy! Friends said the falafel wrap was great, and the mushroom burger with garlic and black truffle oil was generous in size and looked (and tasted) amazing. I tried a few off the taps: Violet _ (blueberry with some sour) Spicy smoked stout Why's it have to be so ___IPA TIKI __ wheat beer (brewed with pineapple and coconut) I forgot parts of the full names. All plenty flavorful. I love that there are plenty to choose from - they brew ciders and offer wine too. Glad they're here, and off to a smooth start, seeing as they were only two weeks old! Congrats, Useless Creatures! Here's to great success and many more...