Duchess of Spotswood — Restaurant in Melbourne

The duchess of Spotswood...keeping the name in the hope to keep the customers not knowing how bad it is. What a sad state of affairs when you went into this once walked into this OG of breakfast places with excitement, today we walked into here with the foreboding reality that it has sadly gone down hill so bad in quality and Street presence that hardly a soul was in there....after eating there, we know know why. Ordering was prompt and efficient. No sparkling apple juice, no worry...we will order something else.

Cappuccino....smallest cup ever! At least it was the right temp. Chocolate Oreo milkshake.....no it wasn't. Carrot, apple mint and ginger.....yeh try again. Apple ye, the merest hint of the others, looks like apples was the cheapest things going.

On to the food. Son and I ordered their once signature dish, the Duchess of pork, the beautiful one a seafood omelette. We knew things weren't right when from one of the staff yell out " I don't think we have any bags of seafood omelette left." We looked at each other quizzedly and nearly did a runner, but we chose to stay. Food came out, the beautiful ones omelette was laughable in its inept construction. All the ingredients of the omelette bunched to one side, not like an omelette and what should have been Crystal Bay prawns and smoked salmon was instead frozen small prawns from a big green W deli section and a small scenic of what looked like mushy smoked salmon. Not perturbed, my wife ate on...but at $24, surely they are taking the mickey.

My son and I looking forward to our meal, laughed when it was presented to us.....it looked they missed half the ingredients or maybe the tried to be real fancy and put on micro vegetables. The cauliflower florets on the plates are like what you have left over after cutting up your cauliflower...you know...those annoying little crumbs that are hard to pick up. And to make it even funnier, there were only 3 pieces on each of our plate. Someone's job is to actually count it! The signature pork jowl was no such thing (having cooked many of then and as one of my fave proteins), but instead was a dry flavourless slab of nothing that had been compressed together to make it look fancy. Went to mop it up with some of the brush stroke of what was an artistic rendition of a fancy line....it to tasted of nothing. Oh well, it at least lubricated the pork. The final peice of the eating puzzle was the croquette that was on the offering. My son advises me that it is cold....to that I say I will order another. No, he just leaves it to the side. Not exactly sure what it entailed on it's inside but definitely not pork and Gruyère the inside.....unless it was a new fashioned what pork varieties. Seems it was more just a mixture of cheeses. Alas, I to had to leave it behind after the first bite. For it was stone cold. We put this experience down to bad judgement on our behalf. For once a decade ago was one of our highlights on the brunch journey. One where we travelled over an hour to eat and happy to do so. I paid the bill and at $96 I thought a bit steep but wasn't going to argue. Then....when asked how was my meal I retorted that the croquettes were cold and inedible. I did not dare mention the other components of the dish else it would have made me laugh. Not one ounce of apology from the person who makes the coffee and took our credit card who was presumably the manager as this is how he acted during our time there. Instead (without a word of a lie), he turns around and says to a person who was presumably cooking the food for the day...." YOU NEED TO MICROWAVE THE CROQUETTES FOR LONGER." so loud, that you could have probably heard it across the street. My wife and son certainly heard it at the door.

Well....our journey to what was a once fine establishment has drawn the curtains. How it can survive doing microwave food, prepared omelettes and satchels of butter at the top dollar us beyond my comprehension. Good luck to them....and to you if you...

Worst dining experience ever. they don’t even deserve a star. We arrived at about 10 past two. A staff took orders, then we started eating n talking as what people normally do. I didn’t see something strange until I started my second one n went to that part as u can see on the left (the side of the salmon) in the photo. I thought they already started cleaning, so maybe just tell them afterwards, but then my friends suggested me to inform them right away, so I called that lady who took the order. She said”o, it’s from the egg...”I was like”no” she didn’t say sorry n just called the chef and walked away, the chef said” it’s the salmon bone” I said”looks like, but not. The shape is not salmon bone, and I had a touch, feeler like plastic” “might be from the package?” he grabbed that weird stuff n said “I don’t know...”So I said “uh, maybe I wanna be careful with it” he was silent n didn’t have any solutions or apologies, n just turned around n walked back to the kitchen...... My friend and I were shocked with their attitude, they did not care about it at all! I got upset. When we were leaving, I told the lady I was upset because of them. She said”it’s from the egg” (oh my gosh, it’s obviously something that mustn’t be in the food!) “I already said it’s not from the egg n not the bone of the salmon”. We could have made you a new one, I thought you were fine with it. And we say sorry to you” me :”no, you did not!” The chef came n said”yes, I did say sorry” she:”You should have brought the plate to us, not eat like this, you are finished. I said”no, I was half way. I didn’t finish at all.” An elder guy behind there waved to her (finish this now, I want to close). So she rudely said “don’t pay, if you are not happy, don’t pay. Just have her to pay” She said”we close at 2:30, but we still let you stay until after3pm” (common, as I know, you close at 3pm. if you were closed at 2:30, you should have told us when we arrived n you even took orders from us!) She even said”I know I am in hospitality, I know I have to be nice to the customer, but doesn’t mean u can say anything. Hospitality, many things could happen.....” I said “u r the one who is saying everything. Crazy!” (I can’t believe how rude and crazy they were, it’s about food, people could get sick or die because of cross contamination....etc. how could they be that irresponsible. I can’t imagine it exists in Australia, neither does my friend” And we didn’t notice it showed in the photo until we went home, for everyone’s reference, if you are concerned about what you are eating, go to the places that care about...

It’s not just the food, it’s the ambience, the service, the music and much more. #duchessofspotswood rose up amongst the many cafes nearby and reconfirmed that I so love quirky little places that may not be shiny, new and modern but have the essence of good food. We came for a late lunch on a mid June day. Overcast. A little chilly. But ready for a good meal. As soon as you walk in you can feel the difference. @duchessofspotswood is not pretentious or precious. It’s wholesome, everyday and ideal for families. See started out with a lot of earl grey tea and a hot chocolate and tapped our toe to the cool playlist running in the background. I ordered the ‘simple pleasures’ with halloumi and my partner ordered ‘pork royale Benny’ with a Kimchi salad. Visually, they were both stunning. Remember - we eat with our eyes and our plates took our breath away. Food was fresh and tasty either layers of flavour in my food. Eggs cooked to perfection either oozy runny yolks and firm whites. Bonus is that there is dining indoors for around 35, on the street outside for about 12 and at the rear garden for about 20. The ‘cubby garden’ is perfect for families, mothers groups or those with little ones. The enclosed area has plenty to keep@kids busy and playful, so the adults can enjoy their time as well. Owner Sam and chef Chris have been here since 2014 and clearly know their customers well. Food is all prepared from scratch - impressive in this day and age of fast food. We will return. Notes: close to Spotswood railway station. Parking has time limits so be careful. Kid friendly. Disabled friendly. Dietaries catered for. Open until 2.30pm. Takeaway available.

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