Tim Hortons — Restaurant in Hanna

After crossing into Alberta, I was exhausted. I’d been driving for what felt like a biblical amount of time. Mazda Linda was coughing up gravel haikus. I saw a road sign that said “Hanna” and I screamed, “SWEET CURLING JESUS, A TIM’S!”

I pulled into the Tim Hortons on W Industrial Rd like a man possessed by both hunger and several minor demons. This was supposed to be a break. Just a coffee. Maybe a farmer’s wrap. Instead, I entered a Canadian caffeine wormhole.

I stepped inside. The air was too warm. Too... knowing.

The cashier greeted me and said, “You’ve made it.” I said, “What?” He said, “You know what.” I didn’t. But I nodded.

I ordered a double double and a sour cream glazed donut. The donut blinked when she handed it to me. I pretended not to see. I took my coffee, sat down, and heard the speakers softly playing a remix of “O Canada” but with whispering in the background. Whispers like "the dough is watching."

The walls began to throb gently. The wallpaper curled like it was stretching awake. The napkin dispenser said, “Don’t forget who you are.”

Then the bagels moved. Yes. Moved.

One sesame bagel rolled off the tray, hit the floor, and split cleanly into two halves, revealing a tiny VHS tape inside. It hissed at me. I hissed back. The cashier applauded.

In the bathroom, the toilet lid whispered “I know what you did in Marengo.” I flushed anyway.

When I came back out, someone had written “GIVE BACK THE HONEY CRULLER” on my windshield in jam.

Why three stars?

Coffee? Actually great. Solid 8/10.

Donut? Traumatizing, but still delicious.

Atmosphere? Purely interdimensional. Probably cursed.

Lost ten minutes of time and now my left shoe is full of beans.

I now have a Timbit familiar named “Ploop” that follows me and screams when I drive over 80 km/h.

If you’re in Hanna and want a cup of coffee with a side of Canadian pastry sorcery, this is your stop. Just don’t make eye contact with the bagel bin. It knows.

Good luck. Triple triple. Infinite stars. Still...

By far the worst Tim Hortons I have been to and I have been to a lot Tim’s. Waited for 20 minutes. A line of about 15 people formed on August 30th and the staff were just dealing with the drive thru. Ordered the chilli when I finally got to order. The chilli was cold when I sat down and took a spoonful. Took it back to the counter and staff were fixated on the drive through again. I had to call them loudly to inform them their chilli is stone cold. Asked to return it and order a ham and cheddar sandwich instead. No apology or care in the world, they jabbered back in forth in some other language and informed me I have to pay another $1.79 for the sandwich. Not trying to be petty but I think Tim Hortons was being petty by making me pay considering no apology from staff for serving me chilli that was stone cold. The staff were extremely rude talking intentionally not in English so I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I will never return to this Tims. I’ll stop at the gas station instead when...

I have been to this location a dozen times now. Their drive-thru is difficult to communicate through the speaker, no matter how loudly you speak. The drive-thru at all Tim's in Canada have really slowed down with the entry of new food menu items, rice bowls and pizza especially, but even when only drinks are ordered it's a 10 minute wait on a good day, but can be 15 or longer on a bad day. Also, when mixing cold coffee drinks, like ice caps, they are not cleaning the blender arm after each drink, such that if you order a regular ice cap, no flavouring or specialty ice caps, you can end up with the flavour of those specialty ice caps, especially salted caramel, which just turns my stomach. Some places make sure to wipe down or rinse the blender arm after each drink, but this one sure doesn't. To me that is poor training. Overall, you get some employees who seem to have an attitude, but the majority are very nice, and go out of their way to satisfy you. Not a bad experience, but not a...