The Albion — Restaurant in England

During the recent spell of spectacular sunshine that we have just been blessed with, on this unpredictable island nation of ours, my partner and I decided the idyllic village of Arnside would be a superb location to visit in order to receive some radiation from the rays of the big shiny ball in the sky.

Upon arrival we found the place about as navigable as the Bermuda Triangle, plenteous with cyclists but also characters akin to those of Royston Vasey. Although a boondocks for local people, it is also awash with tourist types naive to the fact they have reached a dead end.

At the very depths of the dead end we happened upon The Albion. “What a lovely location for a lovely pub” we remarked. We were correct about the location, but dreadfully and utterly wrong about the pub.

The entire place looks and feels as if it has gone 47 rounds with Tyson Fury, and when I say that, I mean it probably gave up and died after the first couple but carried on receiving a deathly beating for an incredibly long time.

This ship has sailed, my friends, and sunk a long time ago. It needs rebuilding from the bottom up.

The only saving grace is the location, and it is resting very heavily on those laurels.

There was a very strange bespectacled man wandering around in what looked like his pyjamas and followed about by a feral Border Collie. He was very keen for the young waitresses to sit on his lap at the round table near the bar in the restaurant area and I found this very peculiar and unnerving.

I would implore the brewery or owners to resolve this situation, not in due course, but immediately.

The Albion is riddled to the core with Scurvy, and it needs...

Perfect location to sit and outside in the sun. We had three meals, one small fish and chips which was ok, one prawn salad which look liked it had come straight from the 80’s and the other a kids burger. My son who normally devours burgers got half way through his and said he didn’t like it,so left it. My wife looked at the burger which was clearly not cooked all the way through and said we should mention it just before we leave, just so they know! As the waitress was clearing the plate we mentioned this to her, she looked at the burger and said oh yeah I will have a word with the chef, the waitress was back in about a minute and said the chef agreed and he was very sorry and that the whole meal was on the house, I said all three meals and she said yes we are very sorry, before you leave pop in and we will give you a full refund! This is certainly not what we were looking for but thought that it was a nice gesture! Before we left I popped into the bar and told the barmaid we were due a refund, ah yes she said one kids burger, I said I think it was for all three meals to which then a grumpy old man showed up behind the bar, not sure who he was but obviously the burger cooking expert as he assured me that he himself had looked at the burger and said it was fully cooked through so, the chef, waitress, my wife and myself were completely wrong !! The GOM said that he was only going to refund us on the burger as I had brought it to his attention, I told him it was fine and we left- probably...

As a frequent visit to Arnside the Albion is a favourite for drinks outside enjoying the beautiful views. Last night we decided to stay for food and what a disappointing experience it was. Sat in the bar which used to be lovely but now looks dirty and unloved. Ordered starters which were adequate but tasted liked the equivalent you can buy from Iceland. Long wait between the starters and main and when they arrived the smell of fat was overwhelming. My husband had scampi and chips which was all overcooked and rock hard. I had a fish goujon burger which was dripping with fat which ended up all over my plate. The fish was tasteless apart from the taste of oil. No sauce on the burger and only brown sauce and vinegar in the condiments box provided. We asked for mayonnaise and the girl behind the bar just sighed and then didn't bother to get any so we took some from another table after waiting for 20 minutes. Most of the food was left and no one asked how it was. We left feeling disappointed and will eat elsewhere in future. This place used to be fantastic for food so its...