The Grumpy Mole Epsom — Restaurant in Epsom and Ewell

First things first, there's no grumpy mole here, no not at all, that would be crazy. No, the mole isn't at all grumpy, if anything the mole is quite chipper. The mole seems to be quite content, that would be my assessment. But I'm no expert. Anyway, that's by the by.

The mole can cook, that's for darn sure. Yes sir. Let me give you some examples:

Roast potatoes. You know when a ferret or weasel or some other dubious character serves you up those spuds that you can easily cut with a knife? It's annoying isn't it? Well, the mole wouldn't do that to you, no way. The mole properly roasts those potatoes until they are as hard as bullets, real tooth crackers, with all elements of fluffiness expertly extracted. Perfection!

Chicken. You know when a polecat or stoat or some other dubious character serves you up that chicken that falls off the bone and melts in the mouth? Disappointing isn't it? Well again, the mole's got your back on this one too. The chicken is roasted to perfection; tough, chewy and dry, just as nature intended. Glorious!

Cauliflower cheese. You know when a water rat or a shrew or some other dubious character serves up a hot, creamy, succulent cauliflower cheese with a crispy top? Unbearable isn't it? Well you can trust the mole to give you the more desirable alternative. A delicious grey mush, freshly reheated in the microwave. Awesome.

So in summary, the mole isn't at all grumpy. The mole is a culinary...

We had a lunch booking for a friend’s birthday and while our waitress was lovely, the service was incredibly, incredibly slow! It took 30 minutes for them to tell us that one menu item was not available, so the food order was delayed another 35 minutes. The food is amazing, really top-class, but sadly the slowness continued all throughout, which spoils the whole event when you have other plans to meet. The final straw, however, was the unbelievably rude barman who does a real disservice to an otherwise nice establishment. I had to finally go up to the bar to pay the bill because there wasn’t a single staff member around, and asked him whether he can call someone to take my payment. He took it upon himself to come take it, but made sure that I understood that he was “taking payment on my break, yeah”, and then proceeded to tell me that he’ll “just leave his sandwich he’s having on his break”. Incredibly uncouth, incredibly narrow minded and clearly also incredibly unkind. Such a shame and as a result,...

We enjoyed a lovely lunch at this Epsom Grumpy Mole, with friendly and efficient service. We have eaten at several other Grumpy Moles and in terms of the food quality this one was slightly under par. My husband's stone for his steak wasn't as hot as it could have been, so he struggled to "cook" his steak to his liking. My liver wasn't as tender as I have had at other venues, but that may be due to the luck of the draw rather than the quality of cooking. We certainly enjoyed our meals though, and my side vegetables were absolutely delicious. Regarding wine, I wouldn't recommend the House Chilean Sauvignon Blanc, it tastes really cheap and metallic. It's very cosy inside, we actually sat in the bar area rather than the restaurant part, as we wanted a more informal experience. There are very few parking spaces available, so expect to park on the road outside. Wouldn't hesitate to recommend this venue, as well as good food and service, it has a warm and...