KFC Gillingham - Courtney Road — Restaurant in Great Britain

The Colonel must be turning in his gravy.

It is with the utmost regret that this outlet has made me give up on the blessed KFC altogether. Never mind the secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. Whoever runs this establishment, seemingly knows of only one spice that they’d sneaked out of jail up their hoop. Considering how I feel today, I'm not entirely surely whether or not they'd actually coated my meal in what they'd relieved from Belmarsh, via their smuggler's orifice.

My wife kindly offered to go out and get us a take-away. Only a 5-minute journey from home, she arrived at the Colonel's haunted house at around 7:00pm. At approximately 7:30, I called to ask if she was OK, when she said "It was nice to watch some Netflix on my own for a bit, but I'm completely stuck in this never-ending Mario Kart track." Thankfully however, The Divine Cockerel had spoken, via the intercom of try-your-cluck.

After 50 minutes, akin to the chickens heading to their impending doom, my partner was drawing close. Once greeted at the hatch of disappointment, the wizard foretold; "Do not use any windows between the first and last, for they are curse'ed. Do not pass GO, do not collect £200, and under no circumstances, expect what the almighty gizzard wizard has promised".

The poultry prophet's vision was realised. The In-Gravy-Deity served my wife with a meal that had been ordered in another time continuum. Behold! At only twice the price, baring no resemblance to ours, it was handed to my partner. With utter regret, the meal was handed back to said wizard. A prayer was made to his holy-white-suitedness for the correct offering. Eventually, a cold bag of remains and a watery pot of ghost-like of gravy was revealed.

You might think that think this is where the story ends. Unfortunately, where one book closed, my bowels opened. Last night's delicacy went through me like a scene from The Madness of King George. I decided to not go to the gym this morning, so as to not spurt Satan's Marmite all up the wall behind the squat...

This was supposed to be a quick drive-thru and grab a bag experience. I'm not sure what was taking so long. Were they plucking a fresh batch, or painting 'KFC' on each bucket by hand?

The food is generally OK from KFC when you want something hot, bland and convenient. That said, KFC is no longer great value, nor great quality. There are better options.

One thing KFC Gillingham must improve upon is their quality of service, particularly at the collection counter. Do not look 90 degrees away from me, slightly part your lips and release one long vowel. Look at me, open and close your entire jaw, unstick your tongue from your lower lip and add some hard sounds like your t's. I might then stand a chance of translating your grunts and whispers into whatever you thought you were trying to say!

When you thrust your payment device towards me, at least have the decency to look in my general direction and observe your own stupidity. You might then avoid waving the damned thing around as a moving target! It's not a fairground game!

Eye contact and a smile make such a difference. These are the very basics of any service training. The people at the pass are paying your salaries, folks. Receive with thanks, or at least good manners, for they do not have to come back!

Almost forgot! The chips were quite tasty. The bucket chicken was bland. The freshly painted bucket was still wet! Two of these...

Staff at door. Young kid says one word. "WAIT". Obvious as there was a queue in front of me I waited.. Eventually get to do the ordering. The guy behind the screen wearing a mask says "can I take your order?" So I start to give my order and as I do so he starts talking to his colleague. They then both start shouting at a just east delivery guy. The man was queuing In front of me he then stood to one side as he was unsure if the process I assume. They're shouting you have to queue with everyone else. He said I was. They told him to go back and join the queue. Eventually they took my order. Ordered a gravy snack box. No boxes? Eating food eventually there was a big argument. This time with a deliveroo driver. Shouting at him to get out. I spoke with this driver who said we don't know where to stand one person says one thing another says something different. Please guys that work at KFC Gillingham. The big one near Tesco take a chill pill. Be nice to people. We are all struggling to do the best we can. Remember we are the customers and we pay your wages so have some respect. Shouting at what is essentially one of your contractors in front of families. Disgusting. Little bit of customer relation training required or a decent shift manager. Shame on you all. All 5 of you screaming get it to a man who is also only trying to...