The Round House — Restaurant in Wales

The Round House, Neath - I used to live in one back in the Bronze Age; and this one is dead posh in comparison!

I started my day today in Northwood Hills, Dallas, Texas. I was having dinner with my old friend Chuck Norris. We hadn’t seen each other in a good number of years, and I thought it was time to catch up! I used to be his martial arts instructor, don’t you know!?

I sat down at the dining table and waited to be served, when Chuck (Chuckster to his friends) walked in. I could see by the look in his eyes that he was happy to see me.

"Who the hell are you?! What the hell are you doing in my house?!" the Chuckster screamed. Classic.

He grabbed me by the lapels (made of meerkat fur) plonked me down onto my feet, and proceeded to roundhouse kick me so hard I flew through the air at the speed of sound! I soared up into the stratosphere, glimpsed the whole of humanity for the briefest of moments - I wept - before crash landing with a mighty explosion in Morrisons car park, Neath.

I looked up, dazed and confused. I had decimated the seemingly perpetually abandoned "We Buy Any Car" hub in the corner of the car park. As the dust settled, I realised I hadn’t eaten. And what should I see standing over me?

Maxwell Mergatroid McGonigal the 3rd (my unconvincing overweight cross-dresser of a sister).

"Alright Bernard? Been to see the Chuckinator again?" she asked.

I nodded, and it was then I saw it; a café shining like a beacon above me. The Round House Café! It must have been a sign from God!

Maxwell and I agreed to try this fine-looking eatery. Thankfully, she’s given up the pogo stick exercise routine after bouncing a little too close to the Leaning Tower of Pisa… She’s now taken up lion taming to lose weight. I guess technically, having your arm torn off counts as weight loss...

We walked into the café and were greeted by a man who resembled the lost love child of Slender Man and Lurch from The Addams Family. He was very friendly, though. The café was packed, and we were lucky that two seats were available.

We sat down, and a young waitress asked for our drinks order (just water today) and informed us the menu was on the chalkboard by the front door.

We read it and immediately made up our minds. Maxwell had the goat’s cheese and beetroot tart with a side salad. I had the lasagne and chips.

There was a little wait for the food to arrive, but it gave Maxwell and me time to have a natter.

When the food arrived; wowzer! The lasagne was fresh. Not frozen. By the almighty Ten Bernards, this was a treat. So often I go into cafés and restaurants and they serve horrible frozen lasagne as if it’s fresh and homemade! Not here though! And the chips were delicious; proper chip shop chips!

The salad and tart too was absolutely outstanding. Huge, generous portion of salad and an excellently seasoned tart. Maxwell especially loved the balsamic vinegar.

We finished our food and went along our merry way, content and happy.

The Round House, Neath 5/5 (One of the easiest top marks I’ve given...

I have been here twice first time wonderful fab food and fab service this time again fab food and fab service but one member of staff was so rude to us my dad is elderly and suffers,with his nerves he tried to talk to this person and was totally brushed off as if he was wasting her time I was absolutely appalled at her disgusting lack of customer service whether you know us or not we are still paying customers and should be all treated thr same such a shame cause everyone else is lovely and the food is fab but will not be returning also as we were leaving she actually turned her back on us disgraceful behaviour to paying customers I work in retail and if I treated my customers like that I would...

Had lunch here today, with my son. I had braised beef with REAL chips and my son had a braised beef dinner. We both had a cheesecake and cream for dessert. All the food was delicious! Service was excellent. Very friendly staff. Will...