Arby's — Restaurant in Portage

Arby’s in Portage, Michigan: A Journey Into the Deep-Fried Abyss

There are bad places to eat, and then there’s the Arby’s on South Westnedge—a drive-thru hellscape where the meat is barely meat, the fries taste like regret, and the general manager has decided to moonlight as a goddamn motivational speaker via automated drive-thru message.

I pulled in, hoping for something resembling food, but before I could even breathe, a shrill, over-caffeinated voice blasted through the speaker like a car crash in my ear canal. "WELCOME TO ARBY'S, HOME OF THE MEATS! HOW CAN WE SERVE YOU TODAY?!" It wasn't a question; it was an assault—some unholy fusion of a used car salesman and a televangelist on speed.

This wasn't just a greeting—it was a war cry. A battle horn meant to disorient, stun, and confuse the already bewildered souls dumb enough to roll up to this sad little outpost of fried despair. You could hear it echoing across the parking lot, forcing those poor bastards in the drive-thru line to flinch and clutch their chests like they’d just been hit with a defibrillator.

Some corporate genius had clearly decided that the key to selling sandwiches nobody actually wants is volume—pure, unrelenting volume. Every order was punctuated by another round of verbal waterboarding. "DID YOU KNOW WE HAVE CRINKLE FRIES?! THEY’RE HOT! THEY’RE FRESH!" Yeah, buddy, that’s real nice, but they taste like cardboard and deep fryer oil that hasn't been changed since Obama was in office.

The food? An insult. The roast beef had the consistency of wet insulation, the cheddar sauce had the kind of unnatural sheen you see on cheap plastic, and the bun was the culinary equivalent of a funeral procession—dry, lifeless, utterly devoid of joy. You bite into it and immediately start contemplating all the decisions that led you here.

And don’t get me started on the service. The employees looked like they’d been taken hostage, moving with the enthusiasm of people who have fully accepted their fate in the fast-food purgatory. You could see it in their eyes. They had seen things.

By the time I peeled out of that miserable parking lot, I felt like I needed a long shower, a stiff drink, and maybe an exorcism to rid myself of the sheer existential dread that Arby’s had just injected into my soul.

If you ever find yourself at the Arby’s in Portage, turn around. Run. Escape while you still can. There are plenty of other ways to ruin your day that don’t involve being yelled at by a disembodied voice and force-fed a sad pile of beef-scented...

Edit: I did get a refund on the sandwich I never received. Corporate reached out to me due to this review.

I did a somewhat large order online. I drove from Vicksburg to this Arby's. I was ordering for myself and my coworkers. I got back and realized they forgot one of the sandwiches. I looked at the receipt to make sure I payed for it. I did. I called and spoke to the manager hoping to get a refund for the sandwich that I paid for and never received. The lady I spoke with was extremely rude and called me a liar. She said, quote " there were 13 sandwiches in the bag, what extra sandwich did you get". I told her I didn't get an extra sandwich and that one was missing. She said " no, I counted 13 sandwiches and I know you got 13 sandwiches. So what extra sandwich did you get". Again, I told her I didn't get an extra sandwich. She said" I'm not giving you a refund because I know you got an extra sandwich. Bring back the extra sandwich and we can give you the sandwich you ordered. At that point I did not have time to go all the way back, plus I didn't have an extra sandwich to give her. And that was it. I live near Three Rivers and that Arby's has very nice people working there. I didn't try to get a free sandwich. That was the worst customer service I've ever encountered. 😒. So, I'm out like $8 for a sandwich my coworker...

P:S: Now that the Dine-in is open. The tables need to be cleaned up regularly.

Everytime we go there all the tables are dirty with left over crumbles of food etc. We usually sit for 45-60 mins but not a single employee comes and checks out to see if the tables are clean or not. Plus some of the employees are obnoxiously loud and annoying.

Update

6/15/21 : Dine-in is now open.

Arby's is definitely one of the better fast food chains out there. The Place looks, feels and provides better service than most of the other ones.

Due to Covid-19 the Dine-In has been closed for more than a year now. The Carry out just opened up as I am writing this. They have been mostly running on drive through though.

The Dollar $ Menu from 2pm-5pm has to be the best deal among all restaurants. The selection is pretty decent too. The shakes and fries are really delicious. They keep adding something new to their menu which keeps it interesting. All Covid protocols are being taken into consideration

Also, It is conveniently located in WalMart's parking lot. So nothing like having a Root beer float on a hot day after some...