Regency Plaza Aqua Park & Spa — Hotel in South Sinai

'Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe sh' - Gennaro Gattuso

For those who don't know Gattuso, he is an Italian ex-professional AC Milan footballer turned coach and reel star. His profound and deep statement which forms the title of this review really does sum up The Regency Plaza Aqua Park & Spa.

There were 2 reasons why a trip to Sharm was in order. Firstly, sun. Secondly, beer. As has been proven throughout the generations, access to these two things is fundamentally what males require to lead a stress free and happy existence and as we live in England, only one of these things is available in the month of January. Cue the 'cheap all inclusive' web search. Did The Regency hotel satisfy these basic requirements? Yes. However, for the benefit of the more complex creatures among us, the more discerning, the better halves of the simple males (aka wives & girlfriends), I shall detail a more holistic summary of the shenanigans of The Regency hotel.

Let us consider the important aspects of any holiday, whether it's dressing up as Britney Spears at Butlin's 90s weekenders or using your Nan’s inheritance to take the boys away, we place importance on the following areas: the weather, the scran & bevs, the service, activities and the condition of the gaff.

Weather. Hot. Might be too hot. Might be.

Bevs. If you enjoy having a little sip of your cars screen wash before topping it up, then you’re in luck. The Regency have amazingly managed to perfectly replicate the flavour profile of anti freeze in their Gin, Vodka, Rum, Ouzo and Tequila in a Heston Blumenthal ‘McDonald’s Big Mac flavoured carrot cake’ fashion. Incredible really. If however you’re part of the woke movement and ridiculously request your gin to taste like gin then I’m afraid to say that’s not possible and you’ll need to stick with the beer. It’s cold (mostly) and tastes of beer, so in short it’s already better than Fosters. I however cannot confirm if the wine comes from a grape. I've not tasted battery acid personally but the wine gave me a slight insight.

Scran. Remember the hit game Minesweeper on Windows 98? The food is as inconsistent as your clicks. The buffet hall gave very much ‘the unicef aid truck has rolled over the Rwandan border’ vibes. Sharpen your elbows and prepare for an international buffet brawl. In summary, the food is like England's football team in major tournaments, great expectations yet always underwhelms. Don't hope for much - book the a la carte restaurants.

The service / staff. I enjoy a game of 20 questions as much as the next person, but trying to extract information out of hotel staff from anything from wifi issues to 'what do I actually get with my upgrade I've just paid' was a little tiresome but equally amusing. You know when you ask someone if they would like a tea or coffee and they reply 'yes', that's probably a good way of summing the staff up. Pleasant and harmless just not particularly helpful.

Activities. Credit where credit is due, there's plenty to do. Excursions are cheap and there's everything from diving, boat trips, snorkelling, desert quad biking, mountain hikes, pyramid trips, camel riding or just staying around one of the 6 pools, 5 bars and getting off your bonce on anti freeze.

The gaff. You know when an estate agent describes a house as 'having potential' we all know that means little old Brenda hasn't touched her bungalow since 1974 before going into a care home, well, The Regency has potential. The gardens are well maintained and tastefully (horrendously) decorated with rustic (rusting) statues of ancient Egyptian soldiers and safari animals. Bit weird but it's a talking point when you sit down for breakfast with your chicken sausage and shell ladened scrambled egg.

I will caveat this entire review by disclosing I paid £320 for an all inclusive holiday with winter sun on a flight that took over 5 hours. For context that is the price for approximately 40 pints of beer in central London. Would I stay here again? Yes. My recommendation - book it. Gennaro Gattuso is right, but isn't...

So, here right now, on day 6 of a 7 day holiday. Never been to Sharm/Egypt before and never, until a few days ago realised what has happened over that last few years ...airport/ resort effectively closed for nearly 5 years due to a terrorist attack on a plane, the just as they reopen COVID hits.

So with that in mind, here we go...

The Regency resort is actually lovely, the grounds, the staff and the overall atmosphere is great (the staff especially)

The food is average, nothing spectacular, and can't fault the quality, but variation and selection can be a bit limited in main buffet restaurant (no chips? if you have young kids who are a bit limited in their "diet" staple like "chips and nuggets/burgers" goes a long way). Burgers/hotdogs/shwarma and chips is available in the afternoon down in the beach/Sunrise Bar so they are there).

Each night has a different food theme IE mexican, Caribbean ,oriental etc and a BBQ area out on terrace.

Plenty salad options, and a theme each night so there's a decent selection if not too fussy. A decent dessert selection. Look for the 3 or 4 choices right on the end "behind" the pillar 😉.

The grounds are lovely lovely for a wander, and loads of great photo opportunities. Well maintained, I have seen gardeners out every morning. Beach is lovely, if a bit windy. Get down early, the guys at the towel hut on beach will find you the best spot - ones closest to sea have solid windbreaks). Grab lunch at the beach bar....simple burgers and chips but it's great.

Towels ....you get a towel card per guest, so no need to bring pool/beach towels - the guys at the towel desks are great, not just there to give you a towel, but they walk to to you spot, set up towels and parasol etc. I get they ultimately are looking for a "tip" but the level of service is very noticeable.

Bars (it's important to us all). Drink is local basics, but almost all the guys behind the bars are friendly and fun....they know your drink when you come back and try to make conversation with everyone.

The "Sunset Bar" by the pool is easily the best. Look for Islam, charming, fun, seems to speak all languages and knows how to make all guests feel so welcome.

The Terrace is where most of the evening entertainment takes place. There's a small bar, with a bigger one in main foyer. Out on the terrace, look for "young" Ali in the evening. Young, energetic, chatty, and so happy to get you drinks to skip any bar queues. Just beware, if he sees you at 10am he may try to get you started early.

There is also the Sunrise beach bar during the day, and one right in the middle of the Aquapark

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Rooms. Ok, like everyone has said before it's a little bit dated. Ours was good size, with a a super king bed, mattress harder than accustomed to, but comfier than I have ever had in a hotel.

Mini-fridge there, but it's empty! At least you have a fridge and you get a couple of 1.5L bottles of water each day. Tea/coffee/sugar and a kettle, but NO milk.

Aircon? Worked as it should for us and takes room down to 16°.

We had a balcony overlooking the main pool area (north facing), but no sun...suppose thats to get you down to the pool.

No plug sockets next to bed but still 5 available (2 pin euro adapter).

Shampoo/showgel/soap supplied and shower is as expected and washes you.

The down side (never been to Sharm before, so it may be a bit unfair)....

Mosquitoes....go prepared

A bit limited info in room re local attractions etc

No info on things like the hotels Spa/Gym in rooms, but that said when you ask at reception they are very helpful.

Outside the hotel is hit and miss....lots of empty and abandoned hotel builds and waste ground. 10 minutes walk to south of hotel will start to find Hard Rock Cafe, McDonalds and shops etc

No tourist shops have ANY prices on goods, they will haggle but prepare to be ripped off. (The people in shops are all very nice, and usually inquisitive as to where you are from...remember many nationalities have avoided Sharm for years. They want to haggle - they are desperate for...

From Norway. Spent a week there with my family last week. This is not a 5-star hotel, more those 2 stars I gave. They have a web site which looks very perfect, but I don't recognize the hotel when I look at it the way I see it. One word: Russians! The hotel is set up for russians. Some guy I talked to in Egypt said that the Russian government has made a deal with the Egyptian government to host the area of Sharm Elsheikh for Russian tourism in a way that makes it cheap for the Russians. The hotel itself is nice, with beautiful surroundings and big pools. Short distance to the beach. It's the people that makes it bad. They make the Russians feel comfortable, with Russian food, tradition and culture.

-Maybe up to 95% of the guests are russians, so the workers speak almost only Russian, very bad English. You really have to concentrate to understand their English and make them understand you.

-Terrible food, at least the breakfast. The lunch and the dinner is better, but far from good. Dry old bread, the same every day and the boiled eggs are green inside! The Russians eat them though... :-S

-More about the food. The Russians don't have what Norwegians Call "Queue culture". They just pass the Queue and point with a finger that they want one egg, one omelet and so on, and just leave without saying thank you or whatever. If the cook has got balls enough, he will tell the Russian to position in the Queue, but then he may get a plate thrown after him, as we saw last week:

A Russian arrogant rude lady passes the Queue, shakes her back and her "two fronts" and goes straight to the desk. She Points with a finger that she wants two omelets. The cook tells her to get in the Queue. Then she throws her plate after him and walks away, shaking her back and her two fronts. Then I laughed loud :)

Another older fat lady passes the queue and wants 8 eggs from the cook. He answers something about queue and that 8 eggs is all he has now. She speaks louder and gets her 8 eggs. Greedy Russians! They run to the food and grab all they can get on one plate.

-Prices: Russians get it cheap. If the Egyptians know that you're form another country they almost 5 double the price. LIke they did to us...

-Transfer voucher. Even if you have paid for both ways you still have to confirm that you want transfer back to the airport on the departure date. Fair enough, but it shouldn't be a full day job trying to Call the rep for confirmation.

-They charge you for wifi, which only work with a weak signal in the reception. In 2014??

-The Entertainment. Good enough, but set up for Russians. Example: The Music quiz. Two groups, one with European girls and one with Russian boys. The girls are leading. Anthem songs. Last anthem song will give the group with the correct answer 500 Points. Guess what song? Yup, the Russian... Obviously the Russian boys answer correct and win the quiz, getting the 500 Points. Stupid. The "entertainers" got some comments after that...

-If you dont want your kids to be passive smokers, stay away from this Place. The Russians don't care.

I'm so happy we took the snorkling trips during the week. At least we met some Germans and Englishmen :)

Oh...and the 5 stars here are all from Russians and the...Egyptians maybe? I don't find that...