Village Hotel Newcastle — Hotel in North Tyneside

First thing's first, the massage was great and the spa staff were very good. Can't fault them really, and although I've had slightly better experiences elsewhere, this was still very good in that respect.

We went for the Groupon spa day and 2 treatments, and we've done at least half a dozen of these types of things in the North East and a bit further afield. This experience was the most disappointing one yet. The service seemed like it was just a cash cow for the hotel. There was very little information about what to expect and what to do, no real briefing, and the robes were £5 per person.

We went to the pool just to relax and chill on our phones, then have a sauna and quick swim before our massage began. Unfortunately no sooner had I put my headphones in than a staff member told us to put our phones away. Apparently it was signed (I saw a small sign with no wording but couldn't believe that it meant no mobiles). So that put me in a foul mood as there was no explanation as to why this was the case, no customer relations or connection, just an order. My partner was on call with work unfortunately, so she had to become unreachable which could have got her in a lot of trouble (she informed her workplace what time the massage would take place). So anyway we got our Kindle Fires out and used them instead. If the rule is to stop pervs taking photos I wonder if they know that other media devices besides phones have this capability as well... If it's to avoid people talking loudly they should ban any talking especially amongst groups of chavs and wannabe Love Island contestants that seemed to appear from nowhere taking up all the spaces in the jacuzzi. Oh and the water in the pool was ICY, and the rinse showers, despite the red temperature button, were even colder! The only warm water in the whole place was the separate jacuzzi which was on a timer. Finally, there is no casual swimming allowed as the pool is divided into swim lanes and there is no provision for just getting in the water and having fun. Drinking water was available but in the form of a water fountain like at school, and there were no cups available anyway.

After the dreadful experience of the pool area, I thought it must all be up from here. I was wrong. In the men's shower room only every other shower worked. The first one I went in was like a watering can, and the second similar but a little better. So I gave up and went to the open shower area. Again, the first shower was terrible, but the second had good temperature and pressure. Unfortunately the unadjustable head was pointed right into the middle of the shower area. If this was in a prison (and it did feel like it) I would have felt very vulnerable wink wink. Finally, on turning round, I noticed something odd in the corner of the open shower area. It was a large white clump of toilet paper with huge brown stains soaked in and around it. It's difficult to describe as I was so shocked, I think a child probably soiled themselves and the evidence was just left. That's speculation, but I would swear that it was dirty toilet paper, a big clump of it just shoved into the corner. Disgusting!!

Finally, after our massages, we made our way to reception to ask about the afternoon tea. We had been given no information about this so it was a bit annoying having to ask. On a spa day you're supposed to be looked after, and we certainly didn't feel that way. We were guided to the grill /bar area (not where I expected our afternoon tea to be served) and placed our 'order' with the barman who could best be described as disinterested. (I'm possibly doing him an injustice here, it was a bar and I think I just expected more from the experience. A barman in a place like that should just really be serving drinks not necessarily helping people to feel special which is what I expect from a spa day). The tea was nice, Earl Grey, but the jam and cream scone was pathetic. It was a simple, tough scone that came straight from a packet, alongside a small carton of jam and butter. Not a winning menu!

So overall very...

I cannot include every detail of what went wrong at our abysmal stay at this hotel, for want of time and word count, but the following overview should act as a word of warning for anyone considering booking here.

Breakfast was chaotic. When asked if we had had breakfast here before, we replied no, and were then promptly abandoned at a table with no further explanation, which left me wondering what the point of asking the question was.

Breakfast food was poor; anemic eggs, watery mushrooms, and burnt bacon, all eaten to the thud of music being played far too loud over the sound system. It was a bit like trying to eat your breakfast in a club in Benidorm. One day we were pointed to a table, got our breakfast from the buffet, then returned to find the utter lack of organisation meant someone else was at our table.

Service at the bar was incredibly slow and inefficient.

There is of course the odd good member of staff, but, on the whole, they were at best unhelpful and patronising, and at worst downright passive aggressive. The general attitude seems to be one of a complete lack of care.

After the first night of no sleep due to loud music from the room above, I asked at reception if they could have a word. I was told the occupant was ‘with the jazz festival’. So was I, but nowhere on the itinerary was music played over a sound system in a hotel room in the small hours included. After the second night of no sleep due to music from the room above, I was eventually offered a new room, but only after being spoken to by the receptionist in a patronising and hostile manner, telling me this was the first they had heard of noise and that I had not in fact complained the day before. Seen as it was her who’d made the jazz festival comment, this was a bizarre lie. We were of course offered absolutely no assistance in moving all of our things up to the new room.

In the first room, I had to ask for more coat hangers, as apparently 4 coat hangers for two adults staying for 4 nights was deemed to be enough. Clearly nobody had done the basic maths.

The rooms are incredibly poor quality, so sparsely furnished that they echo, and there is very poor soundproofing for a relatively new hotel. The new room was supposedly a better quality room, however, the bedside table was so broken the side of it was hanging off, and the cover on both sides of the bathroom door handle was hanging off. (Photos attached). And the toilet did not flush! I would have thought it was standard practise to check a room, particularly when moving someone to it after a complaint, but clearly not.

Reception is, as standard, unmanned. So your options are to stand around looking like a lemon waiting for someone, or desperately catch a non-reception member of staff and ask if they can find someone for you.

The only possible use I can think of for this hotel is as a work experience trip for those studying hospitality, to learn exactly...

This is about the gym, not the hotel.

I joined a few years ago by turning up to look around. It was very quiet and the manager gave me a tour. He lied to me and said the gym was normally that quiet. After joining, I realised it was normally much, much busier at those times.

He also lied to me by saying I'd be allowed to bring a friend for free whenever I wanted. A week after joining, I did, and was told he had to pay £5 to get in. The next week my friend had to pay £10. I asked the staff member, "How come I was told it was free, then it was £5, and now it's £10?" He looked at me and said, "It's never been £5." (even though I had the receipt for the £5 they charged me in my wallet)

Later I went travelling with work for some time, and now way to get to the gym. So I tried to cancel my membership. First, by phoning them, but no one would EVER answer, and the phone system had a recorded message saying that "due to technical problems" there was no way to leave a message!

Eventually, after many attempts, someone did answer and gave me an e-mail address to write to to cancel. I wrote and sent the e-mail. It bounced back a week later, because the bumbling staff member gave me the wrong e-mail address. This extra week then pushed me over into the next month, so that was another £45 out of my account.

After a few weeks I returned from travelling, and went into the gym to cancel in person. I spoke to a staff member, and asked for the last month to be refunded, seeing as THEY never answered the phone, THEY wouldn't let me leave a message, and THEY gave me a wrong e-mail address to cancel.

The staff member said that the phone system problems were irrelevant, and the bounced e-mail was no proof. I showed him the bounced message on my phone, but he said it was "not evidence" and I could have faked the whole thing!

So he refused to refund me for the last unused month. He then promised that his manager would call me the next day since I was still unhappy.

Do you think he called me? Ha! Did he hell.

Of course, I could have pursed the matter further, but seeing as no one picks up the phone, there was (at least then) no way to leave a message, and I never did get the correct e-mail address, I've just written off that last £45 as a 'donation' to an incompetent company. Maybe Village can use the money to pay for competent staff who don't lie to you the moment you walk...