Montrose charcoal chicken pizza & kebabs — Restaurant in Melbourne

You'll find this local favourite nestled in the foothills of the scenic Dandenong Ranges. Your one stop shop for filling your insides with greasy local take away. I'm not sure how the menu was designed, but due to the gargantuan list of offerings available I can only assume it must have been chosen by an overly ostentatious menu-making committee who could not come to any form of agreement.

The first hint you get about the smorgasbord available is in the name "Montrose Charcoal Chicken pizza pasta" If their menu was isolated to just these items listed here Gordon Ramsay would have a fit, but if he dared gazed upon the complete menu in all of it's glory he'd be thrown into a full blown mental breakdown where he'd need to be placed into a padded room where he would do nothing but mutter the words "Simplify, Simplify, Simplify, Simplify!" Luckily for the owner, the good people of Montrose are not here for fine dining. They walk through the door and up to the classic corner take-away counter like Willie from the Simpsons, "GREASE ME UP!" they say and Montrose Charcoal Chicken pizza pasta happily obliges.

As much as I'd like to overzealously dive headfirst into pure unadulterated gluttony and sample as much of the menu as possible, I am only one man. I stare at this menu and feel like an American President spinning a globe on the oval office desk trying to decide which third world country is in need of some freedom, there's simply just too much choice.

Thankfully, I planned out my meal ahead of time. Yes, I'm one of those people. Always sussing the menu and knowing exactly what it is I’m going to order, but for some reason I still act like I'm actively looking and deciding when I'm there. I'm not sure why, perhaps it's a defense mechanism. I couldn't possibly let others know that I spent 8 hours deciding, what kind of FREAK would do such a thing. Me, obviously. I will say that If any foodery is deserving of such consideration, it is this one. It's the sort of menu you could split up into an epic trilogy and sell to Disney. Of course, it was the large HSP that caught my attention. There's something deep within me that is drawn to the sound of a plastic fork sliding over a styrofoam box.

The wait time was long, I'm not sure if it's just the time or the day I went but I felt like Seymour waiting for Fry to return. Depressed at the sight of everybody else walking out with their bag of grease, whilst I was stuck outside lingering in the cold mountain air. To distract myself from my ever-growing need for meat I went for a walk down the alley adjacent to the shop, I wouldn't recommend it unless you like the smell of stale urine and dog feces. Thankfully I was starving and this did not have any affect over my hunger, which at this point was turning into the ravenous Gobbledok from the old Smiths Chips T.V ad "Chippies!".

My number was called in an aggressive tone, maybe I missed it the first time, perhaps I couldn't hear it over the amount of stank located in that alley. Not to worry though, my very own box of grease was ready to be devoured. At first sight the box looked kind of small for a large, but that fear was soon gone after flipping up the lid. As this particular HSP was stacked higher than the pyramids. I made a promise to myself that I’d eat the entire thing and I was absolutely not breaking it. First impressions, the doner was good, the chips were fantastic, the sauces were... a bit much. I like the holy trinity as much as the next HSP aficionado but it felt like 3 bottles of sauce were poured over the meat. A little less, would do the meat a favour and let it shine as the highlight of the meal.

About 15 minutes later I had tamed my hunger and gained about an estimated 2kg's, but I was satisfied waddling back to my car as the meat and grease combination was emulsifying inside of me. Overall it was a pleasant experience. If the price of the beverages scares you, it's convenient having an IGA right next door, it's probably a far better way to waste away the wait time when compared to venturing down the...

UPDATE 22/11/22

This shop is on SALE for $200,000. Saw the add by owner on one of the Facebook pages.

Shop closes at 9p.m. , but on UberEats they are open till 2:30a.m.. I can post screenshots from app!

Owner often says, there are not enough drivers around, but the truth is

1. No one wants to pick up from here, even when it’s OPEN. Haven’t picked a single order in last 8 months from here. So, when they say drivers don’t come to pick - believe them, but now you know why don’t they!!

2. Trap is they will make driver sit in front of their eyes on the chair so that they don’t leave the shop, when they cook their order. REASON- If driver leaves during the order’s cooking and cancels the order - the other driver probably won’t come or would come very late

TO ALL THE DRIVERS, please Accept the orders after 10pm from here- DONT JUST CANCEL. Just think about the customer- THEY ARE HUNGRY!! Would you like to go to bed starving?

Don’t inform the Uber that shop is closed , Uber got food insurance, they will pay to the shop, driver and customer!

Instead - INFORM THE CUSTOMER!

Just write a note in your phone and always COPY PASTE, it only takes 30 seconds but you make someone’s life easy.

Inform them saying, “Hi, shop gets closed at 9, please don’t order after that. Please verify timings from the GOOGLE and read reviews. I am sorry you have to arrange/order your food from somewhere else. I don’t want you to go to the bed empty stomach.”

Trust me, I get reply back most of the times people thanking me.

I haven’t eaten the food from here, so I won’t comment...

Unfortunately gave these guys one too many tries and have bared witness (consumed?) to this restaurant's downfall. My first HSP was literally the best HSP I'd ever had. Boy did I gloat about this place! Quality meats (some even real, even though we all froth a bit of doner here and there), seasoned chips and plenty of cheese.

But ever since it's gone downhill. I've given chance after chance, and every time I've had my heart broken all over again. What happened, guys? You're always super busy or have a ridiculous wait time on food (waited 2.5 hours once or twice on Uber Eats - yes, I've read the reviews from drivers), hell I even received my order completely wrong once and I let it slide because you were under the pump... yet the quality of the food continues to deteriorate!

It's also sad to hear that drivers are waiting longer than expected. For a profession that's doing such an amazing job for such little return, it's disappointing to see that this restaurant only starts cooking the food on a driver's arrival, and they are made to wait 20-30 minutes.

As a consumer I appreciate my food arriving hot, but I also appreciate the driver's time and desire to complete the order as soon as possible. I am also concerned that you may not realise your lack of respect for Uber drivers ultimately affects...