Currambine Bar & Bistro — Restaurant in Western Australia

A Culinary Tragedy at Currambine . We Witnessed the Fall of a Titan

We arrived at 6pm. Seven hopeful souls. Hungry, cheerful, and maybe even a little excited. The Currambine Bar and Bistro – once a place of solid meals and good times , now reborn under new ownership. We came for a nice dinner. What we got was a journey into the heart of gastronomic darkness.

We ordered drinks. Spirits were high. The bar? Fine. Standard. Then we sat down, opened the menus, and dreamt big.

The orders were made: • 3 steaks with chips • Salt and pepper squid • Crab linguine • Shark Bay prawns • Pork belly entrée • The dreaded “special tasting board” • 2 sides of chips

And then… the food began to arrive.

THE STEAKS

One steak came out as a glowing beacon of hope. Perfectly cooked, tender, with a mushroom sauce that actually tasted like someone cared. It was the last good moment of the night. The other? A crime scene. Burnt so badly it looked like it had survived a house fire. So tough the diner had to saw away half of it just to access edible meat. It wasn’t food. It was punishment.

THE PRAWNS THAT BROKE MY SOUL

Now let’s talk about the Shark Bay prawns. The description on the menu? Heavenly. I imagined delicate, sweet prawns, kissed by garlic, lovingly plated. Reality? Five sad, overcooked prawns buried under a graveyard of EIGHT prawn heads , yes, eight empty crustacean helmets just lying there like battlefield casualties. It smelled burnt. It tasted burnt. And it was dumped next to what can only be described as a cold, floppy, frozen naan bread. A naan bread. With prawns. Why? What did we do to deserve this?

THE CRAB LINGUINE & PORK BELLY

The crab linguine? Bland. Like eating the concept of pasta. It wasn’t offensive, just profoundly forgettable. The pork belly bites were limp and soggy, as if they’d been microwaved inside a damp paper towel. Not a crunch in sight.

THE TASTING BOARD FROM HELL

Then it happened. The $65 “special tasting board” arrived. We were excited. Hungry. Curious.

What we got was the most chaotic, soul-destroying platter to ever disgrace a plate: • Fish bites that reeked of freezer burn – Woolies budget fish fillets at best • Jalapeño poppers that screamed Coles party mix, aisle 8 • Chicken wings with feathers still attached – feathers, my friend • Frozen roti, limp and disinterested, slouched in the corner • A Caesar salad that could have doubled as a mop bucket • Ranch sauce with the consistency of rainwater • No dips ? we had to ask, like beggars on the side of the kitchen door

It was a collection of unrelated frozen nightmares, thrown together in what I can only assume was a dare.

THE COFFIN LID: ESPRESSO MARTINIS

Still reeling, we clung to the idea of espresso martinis to end on a high. But alas, it was not meant to be. What arrived were two watery, limp beverages that tasted like someone stirred instant coffee into tap water and whispered the word “vodka” over the glass. Weak. Emotionally and physically.

FINAL VERDICT:

This wasn’t dinner. This was a post-apocalyptic food simulation. A fever dream of forgotten recipes and frozen aisles. We came with hope. We left with heartburn and despair.

Currambine Bar and Bistro, I don’t know what happened to you… But what you served us? Was not food. It was an ordeal.

We will not be back. Not in this lifetime. Not...

I have been coming to The Currambine for a decade but tonight it was pretty ordinary.

I ordered a $45 Fillet Steak and when prompted by the cashier, opted for 'Beans and Mash' rather than chips and salad. As Fillet often is accompanied by Green Beans and Mash it was an obvious pick, particularly on a cold night.

20 minutes later food arrives at our table (good stuff), yet I was given a thin 'scotch' or something claiming to be that. Don't get me wrong, it looked pretty good, but it was not a fillet. I told the waiter it wasn't what I ordered. The Duty Manager came over and to his credit he was very understanding and apologetic and went back to the kitchen with the right order. I told the table to start eating, "don't wait for me".

We were now a good 15-20 minutes later, others had finished their meal, and I enquired about the Fillet. Buying good butchers meat regularly and knowing how to cook a steak with my eyes closed, I knew it only took 8-9 minutes at best in total for a Medium-cooked Fillet in a skillet.

After some more time, it arrived and it was past Medium-Well, with little pinkness and very little moisture. It tasted a tad gamey, was chewy and in my opinion was not high quality, nor fresh Fillet Steak.

As any Chef will tell you, the mark of a good chef is how they cook a steak. Why? It's one of the easiest things in the book to cook, right? While at the same time also being one of the easiest things to ruin if you don't know what you're doing or aren't focusing. Hence, it's the mark of a good chef. 'Cant get the little things right, how can you get the big things right' kinda thing. And Thursday night of all nights is meant to be the house's 'Steak Night' - so the Chef must know what they're doing if you're going to run a steak night, right?

Now, having had half my Wisdom Teeth taken out just over a week ago we thought it might be nice to have a steak now that the Jaw was working properly again. I ordered the Fillet as it's a softer meat - yes it still requires chewing but its generally tender and my jaw was back in action. So it was disappointing to not have it cooked properly, nor was it a decent sized portion, nor did it taste fresh, be tender nor tasty having waited 45 minutes after order + 40 minutes before hand.

Finally, it appears i miss-heard the cashier when she offered 'beans and mash' it was actually 'greens and mash' - greens being code for frozen pees and what looked like frozen broccoli.

To Management/Kitchen - this is easily fixable stuff.

Order wasn't taken correctly - it happens, we move on. Steak wasn't cooked correctly - this is pretty strange considering it should be like changing a tyre for a mechanic. Steak quality was poor and for $45 I expect better, especially on a 'Steak Night' and especially when the dish was completed with the equivalent of 1 x full potato (in mash form) and a handful of frozen pees and broccoli.

Lastly, I'm only writing this as the floor staff were actually really friendly and I want to ensure the Chef and Management get this feedback. I would have happily walked into the Kitchen and spoken to whoever needed hear it, but apparently that kind of thing is frowned upon. So please take this as...

Im not sure what has happened to this place but it has sadly gone down hill. It wasn't too busy when we got there but it did start to get busier as the night went on. The menu has been reduced which isn't a bad thing as in this day and age it's a great way to manage costs and time but reducing the options.

Our table ordered Chicken parmy- 7/10 It is what you would expect with a chicken parmy.

Pork belly (added prawns $8). 4/10 Pork belly was very dry. You just get 4 prawns in garlic butter.

Pork chops- 6/10 Pork chop was nice but big plate with only 1 chop.

Waygu steak 7/10 Steak slightly over cooked but was still a good cut.

Fillet steak (added prawns $8) 8.5/10 Really enjoyed this meal

Scotch fillet 2/10 steak and chips came out cold, sent back for a refund and didn't re-order.

Linguine 0/10 everyone else was finished their meal and this still hadn't arrived, refund issued, didn't re-order.

The change from what we have always known the Currumbine to be and what we saw last night was sad to see.

Would love to continue to support these restaurants but when the cost of living goes up and you dont have the best experience on a treat night it makes you think is it worth trying again.

These meals don't just impact a household it is felt by a whole table worth of different families (in this case 5 households) that's is now 5 households that have formed an opinion of the quality of their experience.

Although those that really enjoyed their meal were able to enjoy it, they will most likely have mixed feedback of "my meal was really delicious however there was cold food, dry food and no food served. Refunds were issued to those that requested it but it was a hit and miss".

There is so much potential, front of house staff were really good.

I took photos however unable to post to this review for...