The Riv Bar — Restaurant in Saskatoon

I went to The Riv Bar after my first official shift as Drywall Captain. My arms were full of joint compound. My soul was humming with gypsum. I just wanted to have a drink, get to know my new surroundings, and maybe not think about the mattress I abandoned in Stony Rapids that still visits me in dreams.

The beer was cold. The music was fine. But then… the floor shifted.

At first I thought it was just the bass. But no—the carpet rippled like it was made of hot gravy. A man in a reflective vest walked by holding a snow shovel full of mashed potatoes. I asked if this was normal. He nodded solemnly and said, “Only on Tuesdays.” It was Thursday.

I sat at the bar and ordered a second beer. The bartender handed me a glass that was already half full of regret. I drank it anyway. Suddenly, the pool table split open, and out crawled a raccoon in a tuxedo who challenged me to a thumb war and whispered in Latin. I declined. He respected that.

A woman with no shoes and a karaoke machine sang “Total Eclipse of the Heart” backwards. People clapped. Someone threw toast. I still don’t know where it came from. My table vibrated. A lemon rolled across it. I felt seen.

I went to use the bathroom, but the hallway was gone. In its place was a fog machine and a door labeled “Not Yet.” I took that as a sign.

Eventually, I paid my tab with a five-dollar bill and a drawing of a chair. The bartender accepted it without blinking and gave me a receipt that simply read: “You were here. You are still here. You may never leave.”

3 stars.

One for the beer.

One for the toast.

One for the raccoon, who I think is now my emergency contact.

Would I return? Probably. But not sober. And not alone. The Riv is not a bar. It’s a test. Pass or fail...

To me it's a really open area which during the covid process this place is on key ..on key to me which means sanitizing yours hands and signing in with phn number so if anyone has stopped in with the covid its easy to control the connection between staff and customers now food well there menu is a bit to big though they are a famous tcook restaurant..food I can give a 6 due to it's kinda greasy almost bland or not enough seasonings vlts are sectioned off which is nice and masks are mandatory from and to your seat other then that a really good watering...

I would like to thank the staff of the Riv for making mine and my daughter's birthday party the best. Also, a shout out to Joslyn for hosting the karaoke 🎤. Our party had the greatest time which we will talk about for years. The food was soo good, we all enjoyed what we ordered. I speak for everyone in saying it was a positive experience. Thanks again to the...