McDonald's — Restaurant in Dunfermline

Now listen… I walked into the McDonald’s in Dunfermline the other day – and I’m no’ proud of it. It wasn’t planned, y'know? I was just wanderin’ about, mindin’ my own business, and suddenly… BOOM. Hunger hits ye like a Glasgow kiss, right between the eyes. And there it is – the Golden Arches – glowin’ like the gates o' Heaven, if Heaven smelled like fried sadness and teenagers in polyester uniforms.

So I goes in, right? And the first thing that hits me is the heat. It’s roastin’. It’s like walkin’ into someone’s mouth. The kind o’ place where chips die of dehydration before they hit the tray.

Now they’ve got these massive touchscreen machines, right? Gigantic bloody things – and you’re meant tae order your own food wi’ them. I stood there like a pensioner starin’ at a spaceship. “Touch to order,” it says. I thought, I’ll touch you in a minute, ya smug wee bugger… I ended up pokin’ it like I was tryin’ to wake it from a coma. Eventually I got it tae give me a Big Mac meal. Well… “meal” is generous.

When it arrived, honest tae God, the burger looked like it had been in a bar fight. It was slidin’ out the side of the bun like it was trying tae escape. I picked it up, and half the sauce jumped onto ma trousers like an overeager labrador. The chips were limp, pale things – like they’d been on holiday in Fife and never came back.

There was a wee boy at the next table – screamin’, absolutely howlin’. Not cryin’, not whimperin’ – full-on exorcist stuff. His ma’s tryin’ tae ignore him while eating a McChicken Sandwich that looked like it was made during the Crimean War.

And the staff – oh God bless them. They were tryin’. You could tell. But they’ve got that look in their eyes – the one you only get when you’ve cleaned up a milkshake that’s been thrown at a wall by a toddler on a sugar bender. It's a haunted look. Like they've seen things.

But you know what? I kind of loved it. There’s a comfort in the chaos. You go in, you get a greasy mess in a paper bag, and you walk out thinking, Aye… that’ll do me till the next disaster.

So here’s the verdict: 3 stars outta 5. One for nostalgia, one for the sheer lunacy of the experience, and one for the joy of watchin’ a grown man argue wi’ the ketchup pump.

God bless ye, McDonald’s Dunfermline. You’re a disaster… but you’re...

First time visiting this McDonald’s - it will most certainly be our last time, too. The people speaking to us at the drive-thru were pleasant enough, and told us to wait in the car park for our food (my brother has a complicated order and always wants certain toppings removed so they have to make it from scratch). We didn’t mind waiting at all as this is standard practice. Fifteen minutes later, as we’ve seen what appears to be our order carried out to several cars before the server disappears inside again and again, ignoring my mother’s waving hand to ask if the food is ours, my father and I decide to go inside to see what’s going on - but as we get out of the car, one of the staff brings out our food (and yes it was the same trays that they had taken over repeatedly to other cars). My mother noticed instantly that our ice creams and some of our drinks were missing, and the woman just shrugged and went back inside, returning almost five minutes later. By this point our food is stone cold, and the ice creams are half melted, having been sat out on the counter for who knows how long. We drive away to a nearby car park and only when we unwrap the food do we find out that my brother’s burger is missing completely, my 6 nugget box only has 4 nuggets, and they hadn’t given us any of the sauces we had ordered. Very disappointing experience and poor customer service too, the woman who brought out our food hadn’t even bothered to check the receipt to see if she’d brought enough trays, and we would have been scammed out of almost two thirds of our near £40 order if my mother hadn’t gotten confrontational and asked her to go back for the...

Never had any issues until today. staff are usually very helpful and always very friendly, on the odd occasion there are delays in the the drive thru which is understandable and usually at this point a member of staff usually would say through the speaker just a moment but today there was nothing , so as I've had to do in the past I drove to the first window (order window) where I was greeted by a worker who just looked at me like she was lost , after a second or two she asked me what my order was which I then told here I had waited and no-one responded so I came to order at the order window . At this point she told me I was she couldn't take my order at the order window. I then asked her if she was sure as I have never ever had any issues with this in the past to which the response was just sorry I can't take your order , I've ordered at the window plenty of times and never an issue , I'd advise further training for the staff , more based around problem solving , a suggestion would be be to say to the customer yes sure no problem take the customers order then at the next window politely ask them to park up in a bay and they will bring the order to the car problem solved. Pretty appalling service like I said at the beginning I have never had an issue...