The Standing Order - JD Wetherspoon — Restaurant in England

Listen, as I am certain most of you are aware, after a rigorous day of back breaking labour down in the mines, sixteen, sometimes eighteen hours, all a man craves is a nice hot bowl of mushy peas to make him forget about all the trials and toils of this cruel world. Is it the soothing smooth texture? Is it the enchanting incandescent green hue? I can't be sure, all I know in this world is that nothing keeps the violent thoughts at bay quite like consuming a bowl of hot mushy green peas after a grueling day down in those mines which grant no light, much less the grace of God. A place of true despair. Usually my request is no issue even though people give me funny looks as I rarely order anything else and on occasion order two bowls on especially trying days. Today, I was more than ready to tuck into my hard earned bowl of hot mushy peas, but when I was presented with my prize something was terribly wrong. I peered inside and I could not quite believe my own eyes. The peas were not mushy and collected into one beautiful congealed mass, but were separated into many little individual green balls. I blinked incredulously at the waitress who placed them at my trembling hands. “They’re the same thing” She insisted quite flippantly. My eyes welled up and I pushed the bowl away exasperated. “The same thing?” I repeated in utter bemusement. I am not the type of man to make fuss or complain but I no longer possess any teeth in my mouth, the wife took them in the divorce along with everything else. I no longer have the ability to pierce through the outer shell of each individual pea without causing great discomfort and fatigue. I am ashamed to admit but I began to weep. I nearly fell from my chair when my foot was caught as I stood up to flee from the embarrassment. My brittle frame could not handle another fall like that so during my descent from that high chair I thought I was done in for. Alas, by some miracle from the Lord almighty, I was saved. Caught and cradled by whom I now believe to be at the very least some form of angelic being, perhaps even some new Messiah if the idea of blaspheming did not frighten me so. “What seems to be the problem?” He asked in that cool, tranquilizing tone of his. When I explained my humiliating position he did not laugh as I expected. Instead he nodded empathetically and picked up the bowl of round peas and turned it over emphatically onto the table. “Allow me to mush these for you, Sir.” I was about to plead that he not trouble himself but he got straight to work, rolling up his sleeves and mushing every individual pea underneath his fist. He did not miss one. To watch a true master at work is something few get to experience in their lives. I watched every individual round pea pop open as he never slowed or tarried. Before I even realised what I was doing, I started to lick off from his hand the remnants of his task. Once I realised the effect of his enamouring aura and what it was compelling me to do, I apologised profusely. He simply patted me on my head. “That happens all the time”. I now know this divine creature's Christian name to be Connor Sullivan and I without an inclination towards being dramatic, would quite literally follow this man into the very fires of Hell. “A man needs his peas mushed. I was only doing my job.” He shrugged, brushing off his heroism with an inspired humility. You were not just doing your job, Connor Sullivan. You truly went above and beyond. I was going to end my life tonight but you have given me that spark of hope that there are still some decent people out there and that life can be worth living, if not only to enjoy one more bowl of hot mushy peas. You deserve the world and at the very least a promotion. Had a lovely pint of Ruddles and left....

The man with the long pony tail likes to argue with drunk girls because it makes him feel like he has power. Two drinks got orders to a table that I WAS NOT EVEN SAT ON. And I was also told that I had to pay. I happily offered to pay because I’m not tight with my money and I genuinely thought there was a mistake. However, even after offering to pay and getting the other people (from the table that accepted the order) to pay. He still was not happy, I was met with nothing but attitude. Must be because of the way I look? Or because I am a female? You tell me? But it was completely disrespectful no matter how much alcohol is in my system. I said to him you shouldn’t be serving alcohol to people that are too drunk to know if they ordered and his response was “we aren’t allowed to serve people that are drunk”. So why am I paying for other people after I have stated I am drunk? Why are you allowing me to pay for others if I have already stated how drunk I am??? Truly feels like a complete contradiction. I work with people that are often under the influence myself and I would never treat them with the disrespect I was met this this night. Think u should think about your choice of work if this is how you behave to females who don’t accept your disrespect. After leaving I did return and ask for his name but I was told I’m now allowed to know his name. Regardless, never had a bad time at this spoons until I met him. If you ever see a light haired greasy short guy serving you, I would stay cautious especially if you are a female under the influence as he has completely 0 regard for how he treats us. I never spoke to him with any disrespect at al, but I return I was met with disrespect. I’m sorry but it’s not on. I was not permitted to know his name, however he has long light hair that is kept in a pony tail. So females, beware. Honestly don’t know why I even paid after the way he spoke to me. It was...

None of the tables are anywhere near clean or tidy; they all look like the picture or worst. Didn’t see a single table near us cleaned while we were there, everyone was moving the glasses and rubbish themselves to sit down. Couldn’t flag a staff member down to clear it up but they all seem to be walking around without purpose; none tidying, carrying food or drinks. Just wandering and talking. My partner told them that she was exempt from wearing a face mask and they repeatedly asked her why, threatened her with a £200 fine and getting the authorities involved because she forgot her lanyard, really upset her, made her feel unwelcome and anxious. This was after they let through two groups of lads whom weren’t wearing face coverings without question. Twice we were brought other tables food and three times someone else’s drinks but not our own, it took 20 minutes to get our drinks (only a Pepsi, not even alcohol). The food (when it finally arrived after almost 40 minutes) was cold and plates were burning hot, obviously sat for a while. The cutlery still had food on from the last person who used them, glasses were dirty. Food was burnt or undercooked, no sauces available and the staff were very rude, except for one young gentleman in a black jumper with a bird tattoo on his right forearm (didn’t catch his name) who tried to clear our table as soon as he saw the mess when he brought our food. Finally, we got told off for trying to leave through a door marked exit... which wasn’t the exit, when everyone else was fine to leave through that or the entrance! I wouldn’t bother coming during Covid. Don’t waste your money. Ruined one of our favourite...