Waters Edge — Restaurant in England

While other eateries toil away attempting to serve good food in a saturated market, Hungry Horse restaurants have carved out a niche so unique it truly is exhilarating.

Only those few celebrities who have ventured deep into the Australian rain forest for earlier series of I'm a Celebrity will have experienced anything near the cuisine you can reliably find at your local Hungry Horse. Even then, I doubt very much that munching on a kangaroo's scrotum can hold a candle to the culinary carnage contained within this establishment's menus. Granted, you're unlikely to dine here under the holy white glow of Ant and Dec's steady grins, but you can't have it all.

I should say that the bar staff were lovely, the decor was fine, the toilets were tidy and clean, as was our table. But none of these things are why people flock to these restaurants. The food is something else.

Hungry Horse restaurants must buy their ingredients from sources so delieriously questionable that no other restaurants / supermarkets / waste disposal companies / evil maniacs will go near them. I've eaten adventurously in my time, but this was an entirely new category of cooking that I'd previously assumed not to exist.

Fully intending to eat our day's calories in one sitting, a friend and I shared the Ultimate Big Combo starter followed by a Burger Sizzler Combo each. Much like many of the world's finest cuisines, there was a flavour theme to our meal, which I surmised was 'foul'. I believe the burger was made from a skillfully dehydrated combination of used toilet paper and discarded ear medicine. The flavour was pungent enough to turn my friend's face almost totally inside out; a treasure to behold. The steak was like chewing on a leather bookmark, layered with the dried-out remnants of sinew you might salvage from the carcass of a starved horse, which I thought was a clever nod to the restaurant's name. For the chicken wings, I believe the chefs take the trouble of delicately dipping small bones in the kind of anonymous fats scraped from people's kitchen plumbing. The chips were a slight disappointment and by far the 'tastiest' thing on the plate, though even they were somehow totally devoid of both moisture and flavour.

For the intrepid diner seeking an entirely new type of eating experience, or for the thrill seeker looking to flirt with death, you will find no greater destination than Hungry Horse, "Where...

Very poor quality control on the food about sums it up. I ordered the mixed grill which was probably the poorest out of the four dinners with no egg and no onion rings (no alternatives offered). Steak ordered rare was more medium to well done, gammon was solid and overcooked, sausages had to have a fork hammered in to pierce the skin, the pineapple was a dirty mess and the chicken was just about ok if I was cooking it myself but somewhere you pay to be cooked for, it's well below standard. Next meal was the burger and chips. The burger looked ok at best and was given a scattering of chips and two whole onion rings (cheapest thing in the freezer). This was from the main menu but looked like a kids portion. The 12oz steak was just about passable but by the flooded plate you can tell that whoever cooked it just doesn't care and has no passion for making food. Mac and cheese was ok, probably the best thing ordered. Desserts ..... If you can call what looked like a splat of crap sprinkled with various bits of half bars and maltesers dessert. Had to buy two to have a decent amount, both were poorly presented and minimal amounts given. Atmosphere ...... If you're looking for atmosphere be prepared for noisy screaming children and other parents who have given up on parenting. Went with my noise sensitive son, ear defenders on but after 25 minutes of screaming from a bit even nearby table, had to leave as the parents did f all to help the child. This is not directly the restaurant's fault but that family should have been told after 10 minutes to either parent their child or go. If your child is a screamer and going through teething then take them somewhere else like McDonald's or somewhere with a soft play. In a way, it helped have an excuse to leave half a plate of poorly cooked food behind. I don't think I'll ever go back as I can't recall a recent worse experience than here. Cutlery was grey with scratches, tables were tacky to touch. The lady who served was nice but her alone isn't a good enough reason to go back. Swerve this place would be my...

It was clean and fairly tidy, no complaints on that front. The staff were doing their best, considering the circumstances (when I went, near the end of November, places were already doing Christmas work events) and they are drastically underpaid for the amount of work/running around they were having to do. (In fairness, I think anyone who has to work with the general public/food is underpaid!)

A problem I had was with the toilets. Take a friend with you. For some reason (probably drunks/druggies making life difficult for everyone) the door locks were hooks, but the hoop they fitted into were at bad angles, so a simple draft would send the door flying open. Not good for the nervous. They were clean, (always good) and spacious, (also good) but the toilet itself is too far away from the door to allow such daft locking mechanisms. I only went to the loo when I had absolutely no choice and managed to convince a cousin to come with me, to hold the door closed.

I understand that, sadly, people passing out/collapsing in a cubicle is an utter nightmare for everyone concerned, but the hooks were really just a completely ridiculous idea. No privacy or sense of safety while at your most vulnerable and that, depressingly, tainted the whole evening.

I would advise getting the Greene King app to order food/drinks, as there was just not enough staff to be able to get attention at the bar. It also helped that the app is real time, so you can see if something has run out (but honestly, how does a pub/restaurant run out of fish'n'chips?!) Another good thing about the app is that you can apply discounts (blue light card etc) and pay, all without having to fight your way past kids running around!

All in all, any disappointment (apart from the toilet locks) was not the fault of the staff and they really were doing very well.

When the owners use some common sense on paying staff and fixing the toilets, it'll probably be great, but until then, it'll stay at a maximum of 4...