Cresci's Cafe — Restaurant in Wales

Cresci’s Ice Cream and Breakfast Bar Eating area like a Five Guys fever dream via the imagination of Dr. Seuss’ Cat in the Hat.

Skewen. It is a place.

With all the interesting facts about Skewen now out of the way, on with the review.

It was raining aardvarks and armadillos as I walked along the desolate streets of Skewen. Turkish barber after Turkish barber. There was a strange man dancing on the pavement as though a rabid ferret was loose in his baggy trousers. This is a desolate place... I could feel the dark forces grumbling like my bowels after Taco Tuesday with extra jalapeños.

I passed an odd shop selling eyeballs when I happened upon Cresci’s Café and Ice Cream Parlour. I decided I was hungry and took a little stroll inside.

I was stunned by the interior. Like an American diner crossed with the colour scheme of the Cat in the Hat’s milliner’s fever dream. It was quite a lot to take in; I had to catch my breath. Trippy.

There was a man, I assume the owner, working behind the counter. He took my order: a standard breakfast and a strong black coffee. Not a bad price. Reasonable, in fact.

Cresci’s has a little bit of everything. A shop, a newsagent, an ice cream bar, a café, a social area, and a small monkey sanctuary. Bit of everything.

I sat down, and the owner brought over my coffee. It was then that my stomach decided the dark forces were too strong, and I needed the bathroom.

This is where I have a problem: you have to ask for a key to unlock the bathroom. Reminded me of my day (singular) in boarding school.

Boarding school was a bit of a letdown for me. I wanted to learn skateboarding, surfboarding, boogie boarding, and waterboarding. Apparently, Eton College doesn’t offer such courses... disappointing. Especially that last one, given the number of British secret agents they’ve pumped out over the years.

Anyway, I did my business and sat down just in time to be served. The breakfast was okay. Nothing too special, and it wasn’t the hottest breakfast I’ve ever had. It was okay. Sausages were a little tough, and everything seemed lukewarm. The toast was lovely though, with fresh salted butter on it.

On the whole, not the worst experience; but certainly not the best.

Cresci’s Café and Ice Cream Parlour: 3/5 (Come to think of it, the monkey sanctuary may have just been some of...

Cresci's has been in business for over 100 years. I missed the first 40 of those but first visited in the early 1960's as a young boy. I have always enjoyed the ice-cream here. It is made 'in-house' and to me has not changed one jot. Although a Skewen boy, my visits to South Wales are all too infrequent these days but where there a visit to Cresci's is essential. The cafe has not changed much, layout seems the same but old wooden chairs, wooden table with formica tops, smokey atmosphere (mostly Woodbine and Players No.6) metal coups for ice cream have now all gone! These days ice cream as ever, good basic cafe food and...

Very disappointed with the guys in Crescis this week. For the last 3 months me and my builders have eaten breakfast every friday and the staff have been lovely. This week, I arrived at 14:05 with 2 clients, but they had stopped serving food. We thought fair enough so went next door to get a takeaway jacket potatoe. I returned to ask if they wouldn’t mind if we ate them in Crescis out of the rain, that we would still purchase hot drinks from them. I was laughed at by the gentleman. And disappointed that he didn’t seam to care for regular customers. Me, my build team nor my clients will have regular visits here, or...