McDonald's — Restaurant in Bend

Oh, McDonald’s—the gas station sushi of fast food. The only place where "I'm lovin' it" is more of a desperate mantra than an actual customer experience. Let’s peel back the golden arches like a questionable Band-Aid and see what’s festering underneath.

The Vibe: "Depression with a Side of Fries" Walking into a McDonald’s is like entering a post-apocalyptic daycare—fluorescent lights buzzing, sticky floors, and a faint smell of regret and fryer grease. The ambiance screams "we gave up in 1997" but the digital kiosks are there to remind you that even robots judge your life choices.

The Menu: A Symphony of Sadness Big Mac – The mullet of burgers (business in front, disappointment in back). Two all-beef patties? More like two gray pucks of existential dread. McNuggets – Mystery meat shaped like kid’s toys and dipped in liquid nostalgia (aka Sweet & Sour sauce). Filet-O-Fish – Who looked at a McDonald’s kitchen and thought, "You know what this place needs? Seafood." McFlurry – The only dessert that dares you to trust a broken machine to mix your ice cream. Hotcakes – Somehow drier than your uncle’s sense of humor and just as sad.

The Customers: A Tragedy in Three Acts The Hangover Brigade – Sweating, squinting at the menu like it’s written in hieroglyphics. Exhausted Parents – Bargaining with a toddler over 10 Chicken McNuggets and a melted Happy Meal toy. That One Guy in the Corner – Nursing a $1 coffee for 4 hours while using the free Wi-Fi to argue on Facebook.

The "Gourmet" Rebranding Attempts Remember when McDonald’s tried to act fancy with Signature Crafted Burgers? Yeah, that lasted about as long as New Coke. At the end of the day, you’re still eating a $8 burger that tastes like it was assembled by a disinterested teenager.

Final Verdict ⭐ 2.5/5 Regretful Life Choices – "It’s not food… it’s fuel—for bad decisions."

McDonald’s is the culinary equivalent of a toxic ex—you know it’s bad for you, but sometimes, at 3 AM, you just can’t resist crawling back.

(Bonus Roast: Their "fresh beef" pledge is hilarious—like putting a bowtie on a raccoon and calling it...

I can’t complement them enough. Specially, this location. They have an AMAZING staff that really makes this location stand out. I have never worked fast food. I have never wanted to work fast food. But when I go into this location, I think about how I’d be happy to be there. The environment they’ve fostered is quite a marvel to see.

I could go through the drive through, but I choose to pick up at the counter every weekday JUST so I can interact with the staff more. They’re pretty much amazing. I started by getting to know my guy Zach for awhile. Then Diane. (She’s freaking amazing, btw, and if they’re ever dumb enough to let her escape it would be a major blow to the location. Give her raises; keep her forever. Succeed. 😁) I’m recently getting to know “just” Jen 😉 better. I’m always looking to catch someone else’s name and learn more about them with each very brief, picking up food conversation at a time. Great people who do a fantastic work in their jobs.

If you’re in a rush or whatever, drive through. If you want to see an example of what a great work environment looks like or see some class act individuals in their workday, then pick-up inside. Say hi....

I never expect good service from fast food.. however this was beyond me. We went to pick up a DoorDash order through the drive through (because inside was closed) not only did it take 15 minutes for the employees to even open the window (even though they were right in front of us… watching us!!) but when they did attend us, they threw the bag through the window of our car and lied when we asked if the mc flurry that was part of the order was in the bag. We were missing two items and when we tried to communicate that they shut the window , even though we were clearly signaling we were missing something and continued to play around with each other. Another 5 minutes passed while they watched us, laughed in our direction, threw boxes at each other, and just completely dismissed us. I just think these three should be held accountable because they held up a huge line and it affected the timelines for our order. Overall I just hope they get held accountable because regardless of it being “fast food” they completely neglected...