Tartine Brunch Club — Restaurant in Medford

I happened to stumble into this place early on a Saturday morning after my wife finally dragged me out to go mattress shopping--it had taken 3 years of convincing and I was always too exhausted to go (probably from lack of quality sleep). Anyway, as a balding, nearly 40 year-old man who typically does nothing this early, I was instantly transported to a foreign land, the likes of which I had never seen: Planet Instagram. The decor was SO Instagram that I thought the restaurant was trying to make a parody of it. Neon signs in cursive (in multiple fonts and colors). Bamboo shoots sprouting in the center of the room. Trees blooming artificial flowers. Various wine bottles and glasses of every odd shape hanging from the ceiling. There was even an influencer photo station. It all seemed funny to me, but I'm likely entering the stage of life where I'll soon be out-of-touch with everything. Apparently so, because this joint was PACKED wall-to-wall with women of every age, size, and background. And they were all having a blast.

I took a sip of my water and searched inwardly, finding strength to give this place a chance. I got the huevos benitos (eggs benedict) and the wife got the breakfast burrito. The food looked good and tasted fairly good. The Mexican flare on the menu was a nice spin on your classic breakfast joint. I could tell some of the ingredients had gone stale (the English muffin and the chips). The breakfast burrito legitimately tasted great.

I was too drunk on Instagram fumes to try a cocktail, but people seemed to be gobbling those up. I could see how the right person would have a great time here. For me, I had my experience and the food was worth the price. However, I probably won't have a reason...

Depressing experience. Immediately starts with these cramped tables that me and my wife were sat at, stuffed between a fake tree and a fake bamboo plant. Then they take our order after maybe 10-15 minutes of waiting. Then we waited. And waited, watching people come and go. 3 groups came and left in the time we were sitting waiting for our food. The waitress comes to tell me our food ticket was messed up and it would be 5 more minutes. We then waited another 18 minutes before getting our food. A full 60 minutes we waited to get food. Then the Turkey Bacon Panini I order was childish at best. Square lunch meat like it was straight from a bag and cheese on my panini, which I specifically ordered the one on the menu that had no cheese as I’m lactose intolerant. A overstimulating atmosphere, mixed with electronic dance music and lukewarm table water; fit to drive a sane man crazy. Only positive I can say about the place was they covered half the bill for our extreme wait.

I know this may be an unusual situation that happened to us, but I feel no reason I’d want to recommend this place. There are plenty of other mediocre brunches for...

Unfortunately, this was not a good experience. I ordered takeout, so I understand that the food quality may decrease slightly in that instance, but this was just bad food. I got the chicken and waffles, and the overall quality seemed to be frozen food that was reheated. The waffle was soggy and underdone, and honestly just looked like an eggo waffle heated in the microwave. The chicken was barely and better quality than a chicken patty that you would get a school lunch, and had no flavor. No syrup, and a slop of either whipped cream or butter on the side, I literally could not tell. The service was fine, nothing bad about it in my experience. From what I can tell from other reviews, some of the more Mexican orientated dishes get more love, but that same quality should reflect in everything on the menu. If it doesn't, take it off the menu. I wish them the best, but it's not a place I will be...