Ted's Restaurant — Restaurant in Meriden

!!!!Ear-Resistable !!!!

Last week, after a 20-year hiatus, I returned to the culinary temple known as Ted’s Steamed Cheeseburgers. I blame TikTok, and frankly, I’m not sure what I expected. But let me tell you: returning to Ted’s is like reuniting with an old flame who has barely changed at all, and you wonder if it was actually you who got stranger over the years.

I ordered a full spread—a glorious cheeseburger topped with melted cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles, and onions, complete with fries and a fizzy Pepsi . Now, as an ENT specialist, it was only natural for me to observe that this burger is built exactly like the human head. Allow me to elaborate (and believe me, I will elaborate).

The patty, a well-seasoned, dense center, reminded me of the eardrum: soft, absorbent, and crucial for the overall structure. The cheese is a beautifully melted, gooey layer, coating the patty like the way earwax delicately lines the ear canal. And let me assure you—without the cheese, this entire burger would fall apart, much like our auditory systems without that essential protective barrier of wax. This cheese is sticky, it’s binding, it’s glorious, and frankly, I’ll never look at earwax the same way again.

The lettuce is crisp and refreshing, like a cool nasal passage on a winter’s day. The tomato adds just the right acidity, much like our sense of smell adds sharpness to the air we breathe. And oh, the onions—those raw, pungent slices that punch you right in the sinuses, opening up passages you never knew were blocked. In one bite, this burger stimulates every sinus cavity in a way that no sinus rinse or nasal spray ever could.

Now, about the staff at Ted’s. I observed them with the same keen eye I use when examining the anatomy of the human head and neck. Let’s be real: I don’t think they could pass a basic anatomy exam, but I do admire their passion. Could they become ENT specialists? Well, let’s start with the basics: Kludge at the grill has about as much attention to detail as an inner ear infection. He’s flipping patties with zero regard for uniformity, but the way he sweats over that hot grill shows commitment. With a little focus and a few medical textbooks, Kludge could probably master the anatomy of a burger and maybe even work his way up to basic nasal anatomy.

Then there’s Wiffle, the cheese handler, who seems more in tune with cheese-melting techniques than I am with a stethoscope. Watching Wiffle apply cheese was like watching a tympanic membrane react to sound waves: a delicate, almost scientific process. But if I’m honest, the odds of Wiffle ever mastering the intricacies of sinus passages seem slim—though I think with hard work, a couple of anatomy flashcards, and several years of intense study, he could maybe make it.

We cannot overlook Fuzzle, who handles toppings like a rogue surgeon in an uncharted body cavity. Fuzzle’s commitment to placing pickles is admirable, even if a bit chaotic. With a scalpel instead of a spatula, Fuzzle could perhaps, someday, understand the complexity of the uvula—although, realistically, this is a long shot.

Finally, there’s Glib, the fry manager and soda dispenser extraordinaire, with an undeniable flair for beverage carbonation. Glib probably isn’t ENT material either (trust me, you have to know the basics of throat anatomy to operate a soda machine in med school), but his soda pour has the kind of balance ENT specialists dream of when examining a perfectly hydrated throat.

To all my fellow medical professionals and burger aficionados: Ted’s Steamed Cheeseburgers is where anatomy and nostalgia meet, melt, and mingle in glorious, artery-clogging harmony. I’ll say this: if you’re ever feeling lost or questioning your own life’s trajectory, sit down at Ted’s, order the works, and let the sinus-clearing onions, eardrum-esque patty, and waxy cheese remind you that, hey, at least you didn’t spend your life learning anatomy just to end up at the wrong end...

So I must write about my recent trip back to Ted's for the first time in nearly 20yrs...while the service was a little stale the two ppl running the counter were attentive and diligent. I brought my son (a self appointed burger connoisseur in his on right) along with for proper judging. Upon arrival u will find limited curbside parking so attempt off peak hours to avoid crowds. Inside this lil dive there's a small counter and two booths for seating(15 ppl could probably cram in there max) with the menu plastered everywhere u can see proudly featuring their famed "steamed's". We sat down and placed our order. He got a single cheese w/lettuce, bacon, n ketchup, while I ordered a cheese w/lettuce,tomato,grilled onions,pickles(crisp half sours),mustard,and jalapeno ketchup. When our baskets arrived we were very impressed, now at first glance one might be a little thrown off by the patty but what many seem to forget about Ted's is these patties are just pure beef steamed in a tray no salt no pepper no onion no kinda seasoning is added to the meat prior to steaming and anyone who knows what a steamed carrot taste like its just pure carrot flavor and this is the simplicity behind their success(TIP:if this is something ur unsure of be sure to ask for salt&pepper!!). The patty gives u that pure beef taste with no additives and the toppings play off the patty as the glob of steamed mild cheddar cloaks the meat and are kept in place(though a bit sloppily) by the bun. Everything works together to create and incredible burger experience. Even my son said he had to remove the bacon because it took away from the burger its self too much, it was soooo juicy (juiciest burger EVER) that it instantly shot to #1 on his list over lake zoar! That's sayin somethin, stop by, u might...

The meat of the burger is tender, falling apart at the fork's touch. I wanted to try it alone without any condiments or toppings... or cheese. I realized that the flavor of the grilled or flame-broiled burger patties from other restaurants may be 60% to 70% grease or oils, which Ted's double steamed hamburger lacks naturally. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's different. It's a little bit bland, but with a wait of maybe five minutes or so, I believe that I got what I paid $6.50 for.

The bun-to-patty ratio is greater than I expected it to be because the patties are smaller than I had thought that they would be.

That being said, Ted's isn't known for their double steamed hamburgers; it's known for their steamed cheeseburgers. I can't say that the patty is purposely blander than expected (which is simply a byproduct of the cooking process after all,) but the cheese serves a purpose: to give the burger flavor. I find it a little disappointing that a classic Connecticut burger joint that's been around since 1959 at its original Meriden location should be so dependent upon cheese. The patty is probably much healthier than greasy grilled or fried burgers though.

My order of large home fries for $3.25 surprised me with their flavor. Even the parts that looked burnt were crispy and had a subtle kick to them.

I want to be fair with my rating since I didn't order their specialty. Considering my experience, I'll give the burger a rating of 6.5/10.

Note that this place still maintains a positive reputation after 59 years and that it's always going to be a win-win situation for the restaurant no matter what I say because in the end, I was still a customer.

It's an odd place, but they steam...