Captain Archie's — Restaurant in North Myrtle Beach

I must confess, the stars intrigued us like a moth to a flame, leading to an adventurous night out at this place. We were eager to soak up the delightful marina vibes, but boy, did we get more than we bargained for!

As we stepped in, we were greeted by a band that could probably wake the sleeping dead. Cigarette smoke wafted around, giving us a mysterious, almost rock concert ambiance. Slamming doors became the beat of the evening, and we thought we were attending a door-slamming competition!

Now, let's talk about the menu. I've seen more exciting options on a kid's coloring book! It was as if the chef had a contest with themselves to see how plain and unimpressive they could make it. Not sure how it bagged those shiny 4.5 stars; they must have had a magician on the review board.

Six of us brave souls sat down for this culinary adventure, and the results were quite the rollercoaster. Meal 1: The Philly Cheese Steak should come with a warning label "Proceed with Caution - Dangerously Salty!" It was like eating an ocean. Meal 2: The Captain's Platter was passable, except for the crab cake, which was mainly a breadcrumb cake in disguise, sporting some old bay as an accessory.

Meal 3: Chicken Tenders, or should we say "Microwavable Nuggets"? Served with a twist, sour cream instead of ranch - oh, the thrill! Meal 4: Beef Tacos, rated a solid 3/10 - not bad, but also not good, just a taco with an identity crisis. Meal 5: Chicken wings, more like wingless nuggets, zero sauce in sight! And there was that rebellious burger that managed to stay edible amidst the chaos.

And just when we thought we had seen it all, the Caesar Salad made its grand entrance, with a surprise guest - a hair! A new addition to the dish, courtesy of the kitchen staff who we could see didn't believe in hairnets or any hair control measures. At least the waitress was on our side and comped the hair-ridden dish.

Now, enough about the food fiasco - let's talk bathrooms! Bright white marble and shiny stainless steel stalls, I thought I was witnessing the pearly gates of restroom heaven! And wait for it, the guys' bathroom had an extra surprise - a cross-sectioned beer keg for a urinal! Talk about aiming for the perfect shot!

If you're looking for a unique and unforgettable vacation dinner experience, embrace the adventure. Otherwise, keep searching for the right option for...

LOCAL WITH TOURISTS REVIEW: While we had lived in North Myrtle for a year, we went here while our family was visiting us on vacation. I get some places are meant for locals & some places are “tourist’ spots. But our crew was a mix of the two. If you’re not: bikers, in a crew, sitting outside at the Bar or waterside tables… it was clear we were not priority. We had 4 children with us ranging in ages 7-15 and it was made clear from the moment we walked through the doors (after trying to find parking… which is another issue in itself) kids aren’t really wanted or welcome. We chose to sit in the “inside” area of restaurant as we had one autistic child who struggles with loud spaces & wore headphones (which was 100% ok & the headphones did the trick). It took over an hour for our drink order to be placed. We tried to order apps with our drinks since we had already been waiting so long (& seeing as our fam was on vacay we didn’t want complain or cause issues) but the waitress told us she would take our apps order after she brought our drinks. We were there for over 4 hours from the time we walked in the doors to the time we walked out. We had to ask for drink refills and we were made to feel like we were a nuisance, if we asked for anything extra like sauces or napkins. If you’re a biker couple or group I’m sure they would love to have you. If you’re a family or group of friends of on vacay… I don’t think they would care if you came or not. We watched several couples & parties who arrived & were seated after us receive their orders and leave before our food was even delivered. Even the wait for to go boxes was wild. It’s sad, bc we love promoting & supporting local businesses, but unfortunately for this business, it seems if you do not fit their “target customers” you don’t matter. This isn’t our first round with them either. It’s our second and we really hoped the fist round was simply an off day, but unfortunately it seems to be the standard. As our fist visit wasn’t far off from this visit. If you don’t show up on a bike or you don’t show up in a large group requesting the bar… just know you’re service will likely...

I was there today Labor Day, for lunch. The experience started out great! Archie's was not very busy and I had my pick of outdoor tables. I seated myself and almost instantly greeted and welcomed. I was asked for a drink order and it arrived fastidiously, cold and delicious. Things soon went down hill after that....

The waiter explained to me that the kitchen was behind and in some sort of chaos. I would need to enjoy my drink and let the kitchen catch up, then he would let me know when I could order.... Ummm OK, guess I'm good with that. Approximately 30 min. Later I was asked for my order, which was a simple cheeseburger and fries. The food came out about another 30 minutes, was dropped off with no condiments of any kind. I patiently ate a few fries waiting for someone to check on me. Finally after half my fries were gone the waiter showed up. I asked for some ketchup and mustard and some salt. 10 minutes later it arrived. Remember this place was not busy at all! Fixing my burger and taking a bite, the burger was raw in the middle, nasty. Finished my fries up, ripped open the burger to expose all the raw meat and waited again to be approached. I was asked if I was ready for my check for my next contact, not how was everything. I showed the burger to my waiter and explained he needed to show it to the cook to know what he's sending out. The waiter agreed it was raw and left with my plate. Next thing he returns with my check, not another well cooked burger! No offer of a comp or discount!

I am local, and have been to Capt. Archie's several times. At best the food was OK for bar food, today it was the worst.

Think twice before going to this...